I saw Ted Haggard on TV yesterday. Oprah was sitting next to himand his wife Gaile and they were chatting about the most shameful and intimate details of the Haggard couples' life together. I was embarrassed for them.It is not surprising that Mr. Haggard would choose to make his rounds of the TV and radio shows to discuss how he was misused and abused by the Elders and congregation at New Life Church. It makes me wonder if he and Governor Blagojevich have the same PR specialist.
It is obvious that Mrs. Haggard is uncomfortable in the role of public confessor. Like the wives of many famous preachers, she has been trained to sit by his side like a trained seal and a very pained expression while he defends himself with confusing and confused stories about his sexual proclivities and mistakes.
One of the rarely mentioned aspects of many men with confusion and compulsions about their sexual desires is the underlying personality disorders that make healing so difficult. Sexual compulsions are much easier to treat than the Narcissistic, Borderline, and Histrionic Personality Disorders that accompany the sexual desires.
According to Wikipedia, the American Psychiatric Association, Personality Disorders are "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it".
Narcissism: A compulsive desire for admiration; a lack of empathy for others.
Histrionic: A pervasive attention-seeking behavior including inappropriate sexual seductiveness and shallow or exaggerated emotions.
Even after being healed of the sexual compulsions many people still struggle with Narcissistic and Histrionic issues. Is this why Mr.Haggard sought national and international fame before and after being "outed"? Is it why he has no empathy for his wife and then church he founded?
I do not know, of course, for I have never met and never counseled him. But the flare for self promotion, emotional excess and wild claims of persecution certainly fit the profile. I was embarrassed for Ted but he loved it.
One other point. No person who has been involved in sexual compulsions as was Mr. Haggard will become whole without relapses. It is well known among counselors that no one gets off drugs, stops her eating disorders or continues on a diet without sometimes falling off the wagon. Relapse is part of Recovery.
The fact that Mr. Haggard is confused about this indicates he has not learned much about recovery or he chooses to deny what he knows. The fact that someone said he is completely heterosexual is an indication that there is confusion about recovery.
Sticking with recovery over the long haul is crucial to healing and change. Every therapist knows it and I wish the media would learn it.
Gary Sweeten, Ed. D.
Licensed Professional Counselor (retired)
2 comments:
Hi,
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You state that relapse is part of recovery. When I read the New Testament though, I do not find any indication that relapsing into sin (and Mr. Haggard's actions were indeed sin) is a normal part of "Recovery". As a Christian counselor, why not be consistent in calling sin, confession and repentance what God calls it? With God ALL things are possible through the amazing lifechanging Gospel of Christ. That means that a person can change permanently through the power of God found in Christ. There is hope in the Gospel.
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