Thin Skin

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me.

There is a desperate need in America to memorize and actualize this old saw. The two most common complaints that bring people to see a counselor are depression and anxiety. These maladies are called "Mood Disorders" and they bedevil millions of people in the USA and around the world.

What causes so many people to feel anxious and or depressed? The most common factor is the way we send think about life events. Much to my concern, modern Americans are deluged with false and harmful information about the things that cause us trouble. So much of the media, the legal profession and the PC Community speak as if words themselves cause us lasting harm.

The recent exposure of Roman Catholic priests who sexually molested young men and women is evidence of terrible sins and crimes. These acts by any person are reprehensible but when done by a clergyman they are almost unspeakable. The men who were responsible should pay the full penalty of the law.

In spite of that fact, when courts and lawyers imply that sexual attacks cause permanent or at long term mental and emotional damage they are wrong. This view is doing more harm than good to the victims and to society in general.

it is not the actual events that cause long term mental and/or emotional damage. What harms us are the ways we think, ruminate and conclude after the events have passed.

When a victim ruminates in a way that deposits anger, fear, self-victimization and personal weakness within his soul the damage can be long term. If, however, the victim thinks about his/her strengths and ability to move on the scars will become stars as one preacher famously says.

One of the best things we can do is help people develop resiliency or the ability to "bounce back" from adversity. Our national symbol needs to be the plastic clown my kids had. They would knock it over but it always bounced back up. We must teach kids and adults to "Take a licking and keep on ticking."

Teaching people how to speak words that edify is admirable and I have written books and papers on that process. However, the world is a fallen, broken painful place and if we expect it to always be gentle, kind and warm we are setting ourselves up for great disappointment.

I cannot change the actions of every person who might verbally attack me but I can prepare myself for adverse actions by renewing my mind. I can be resilient and mentally tough.

Do not be conformed to this sinful world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
RO 12:2