What Is Real?

One of the main things I teach in the Lifeskills' training is how to become more genuine. According to most researchers on management, counseling, marriage, family health, parenting, health care, agree that there are only a few relational skills that are key to success. Being real or genuine is one of them.

My friend Larry Chrouch says, "Once we can fake genuineness we have it made in life." I read a Cincinnati Enquirer article this morning about the enrollments in 2004. To my surprise, Marketing has more students than any other program. Why so many marketers?

One of the goals of marketing is to "sell the sizzle not the steak". Marketing is all about trying to influence people. I must admit that it is tempting to put on an act in order to influence others. This, however, can lead to self delusion if I begin to think that sizzle is my substance. Finding the real me, Being Genuine, is difficult when sizzle is dominant.

Being Genuine is also difficult for those who grew up in dysfunctional homes that had unwritten rules about ways to act. In my home a favorite phrase was, "What will people think" implying that the perceptions of others was more important than Genuineness. This can lead to behavior based on the Commandments:

Don't talk;
Don't feel;
Don't be honest;
Don't ask questions;
Don't reveal reality to anyone else.

This leads to a false and uncertain self analysis.

Genuineness is:

Knowing my own thoughts and feelings;
Naming my own thoughts and feelings;
Stating my own thoughts and feelings;
Managing my own thoughts and feelings.

Many of us are unaware of what we really think, feel or want in life and live according to the perceived desires of others. This leads us to attempt to "read minds" and try to behave in accord to the unspoken desires of those around us. This is death by perception rather than life by reality.

 
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