Being a "Good" Parents may make your child use drugs!
It true! Being a good parent may make your kid more likely to use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke--that is, if you (the parent) use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke.
Researchers Andrews, Hops, and Duncan found that kids who have good relationships with their parents are more likely to use drugs if those parents use drugs themselves. In contrast, kids with poor relationships with their parents are less likely to emulated the parent's bad behavior.
What does it all mean? If you don't want your child doing drugs, drinking, or smoking then you must:
(a) continue to use yourself but make them dislike you; or
(b) stop using and do whatever you can to promote a good relationship with your kids!
Andrews, J., Hops, H., & Duncan, S. Journal of Family Therapy. Reported in Family
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
In Honor of Peter Drucker
Mr. Drucker died last week at age 95. He spent his life trying to help people set up and manage organizations that valued people and served humanity. He once met with a group of pastors and para-church leaders and told them that because they were so important to society that he would give his time to them. Rather than selling his day for $10,000.00 to 20,000.00 per day to GE or GM he volunteered to coach these men and women free.
"Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision." Peter Drucker
It has been my experience that few pastors and church workers really esteem the time God has given them. Rarely do I meet a Christian leader who thinks what he is doing is important.
Why do I think this is true? Because they waste so much of their time and they do almost nothing to increase their efficiency and effectiveness. They often preach too long and run meetings too long. If there are 100 people in a meeting that runs 15 minutes over time 25 human hours are wasted.
I am a Church Consultant and a Leader Coach. I teach leaders how to run a more effective life and a more efficient ministry. It is not difficult to stop wasting God's precious time and your precious energy. All it takes is a courageous and teachable spirit.
Mr. Drucker died last week at age 95. He spent his life trying to help people set up and manage organizations that valued people and served humanity. He once met with a group of pastors and para-church leaders and told them that because they were so important to society that he would give his time to them. Rather than selling his day for $10,000.00 to 20,000.00 per day to GE or GM he volunteered to coach these men and women free.
"Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision." Peter Drucker
It has been my experience that few pastors and church workers really esteem the time God has given them. Rarely do I meet a Christian leader who thinks what he is doing is important.
Why do I think this is true? Because they waste so much of their time and they do almost nothing to increase their efficiency and effectiveness. They often preach too long and run meetings too long. If there are 100 people in a meeting that runs 15 minutes over time 25 human hours are wasted.
I am a Church Consultant and a Leader Coach. I teach leaders how to run a more effective life and a more efficient ministry. It is not difficult to stop wasting God's precious time and your precious energy. All it takes is a courageous and teachable spirit.
Scary Marketing from Iran
The recent suicide bombings in Lebanon with one of the killers a woman who failed shows us just how different we Christians are from Muslims. Look at this video for kids to see for yourself how they are recruiting young killers.
Clip# 906, found at http://www.memritv.org/search.asp is a very effective
tool for recruiting Iranian children to become suicide bombers.
The following was written by Rev. Bob Vincent.
When I had our Muslim Imam give a lecture to my class last year, I had
planted a question with a student: "In Islam how can I know for sure that I
am going to heaven?"
The Imam's answer was: "You cannot know. But neither can you know this in
Christianity. No one can know if he has done enough good in order to know
that he is going to heaven."
The next day I pointed out to my high school seniors that both Muslims and
Christians can know that they are going to heaven. There is one infallible
way to know, according to the teachings of both faiths. In Christianity,
everyone who has turned from his sins and put his trust in the Lord Jesus
Christ can know that he is going to heaven. In Islam, everyone who dies in
battle, defending Islam is assured of heaven:
"When you meet the unbelievers, smite their necks, then, when you have made wide slaughter among them, tie fast the bonds; then set them free, either by grace or ransom, till the war lays down its loads. So it shall be; and if God had willed, He would have avenged Himself upon them; but that He may try some of you by means of others. And those who are slain in the way of God,
He will not send their works astray. He will guide them, and dispose their minds aright, and He will admit them to Paradise, that He has made known to
them." (Koran XLVII:4-8)
"So let them fight in the way of God who sell the present life for the world to come; and whosoever fights in the way of God and is slain, or conquers, We shall bring him a mighty wage." (Koran IV:75)
"God has bought from the believers their selves and their possessions against the gift of Paradise; they fight in the way of God; they kill, and are killed; that is a promise binding upon God in the Torah, and the Gospel, and the Koran; and who fulfills his covenant truer than God?" (Koran IX:110)
"Surely the godfearing shall be in a station secure among gardens and fountains, robed in silk and brocade, set face to face. Even so; and We shall espouse them to wide-eyed houris,* therein calling for every fruit, secure." (Koran XLIV:52)
To retreat before the enemy in a Jihad, unless it was for tactical reasons, was an absolute guarantee of instantly going to a burning hell: "O believers, when you encounter the unbelievers marching to battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso turns his back that day to them, unless
withdrawing to fight again or removing to join another host, he is laden with the burden of God's anger, and his refuge is Gehenna—an evil homecoming!" (Koran VIII:15)
*(Houri: a black-eyed woman 1. any of the beautiful nymphs of the Moslem Paradise, among the rewards of faithful Moslems 2. a seductively beautiful woman)
Bob
bob@rbvincent.com
www.rbvincent.com
The recent suicide bombings in Lebanon with one of the killers a woman who failed shows us just how different we Christians are from Muslims. Look at this video for kids to see for yourself how they are recruiting young killers.
Clip# 906, found at http://www.memritv.org/search.asp is a very effective
tool for recruiting Iranian children to become suicide bombers.
The following was written by Rev. Bob Vincent.
When I had our Muslim Imam give a lecture to my class last year, I had
planted a question with a student: "In Islam how can I know for sure that I
am going to heaven?"
The Imam's answer was: "You cannot know. But neither can you know this in
Christianity. No one can know if he has done enough good in order to know
that he is going to heaven."
The next day I pointed out to my high school seniors that both Muslims and
Christians can know that they are going to heaven. There is one infallible
way to know, according to the teachings of both faiths. In Christianity,
everyone who has turned from his sins and put his trust in the Lord Jesus
Christ can know that he is going to heaven. In Islam, everyone who dies in
battle, defending Islam is assured of heaven:
"When you meet the unbelievers, smite their necks, then, when you have made wide slaughter among them, tie fast the bonds; then set them free, either by grace or ransom, till the war lays down its loads. So it shall be; and if God had willed, He would have avenged Himself upon them; but that He may try some of you by means of others. And those who are slain in the way of God,
He will not send their works astray. He will guide them, and dispose their minds aright, and He will admit them to Paradise, that He has made known to
them." (Koran XLVII:4-8)
"So let them fight in the way of God who sell the present life for the world to come; and whosoever fights in the way of God and is slain, or conquers, We shall bring him a mighty wage." (Koran IV:75)
"God has bought from the believers their selves and their possessions against the gift of Paradise; they fight in the way of God; they kill, and are killed; that is a promise binding upon God in the Torah, and the Gospel, and the Koran; and who fulfills his covenant truer than God?" (Koran IX:110)
"Surely the godfearing shall be in a station secure among gardens and fountains, robed in silk and brocade, set face to face. Even so; and We shall espouse them to wide-eyed houris,* therein calling for every fruit, secure." (Koran XLIV:52)
To retreat before the enemy in a Jihad, unless it was for tactical reasons, was an absolute guarantee of instantly going to a burning hell: "O believers, when you encounter the unbelievers marching to battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso turns his back that day to them, unless
withdrawing to fight again or removing to join another host, he is laden with the burden of God's anger, and his refuge is Gehenna—an evil homecoming!" (Koran VIII:15)
*(Houri: a black-eyed woman 1. any of the beautiful nymphs of the Moslem Paradise, among the rewards of faithful Moslems 2. a seductively beautiful woman)
Bob
bob@rbvincent.com
www.rbvincent.com
Monday, November 14, 2005
What is the Goal of A Church Leader?
The topic of leadership is very popular and it seems to me that most folks are pretty confused about what good church leaders do.
Who do good leaders lead?
Who are the followers?
Why are leaders needed?
A bad definition: Leaders competently lead followers toward a goal. One cannot be a leader is no one is following.
A good definition: Leaders facilitate the development of processes and systems in such a way that many leaders are developed.
For example, a small group of ten persons ought to have ten leaders, none of whom is doing the same things but all of whom are using their gifts, talents and call.
Imagine that such a group has one member that calls them together, another that organizes the fellowship, another who leads worship, another the word, another ministry, another outreach, another prayer, etc. This is how every person leads.
Try this exercise some time with your group. Get into groups of three and answer this question: "What organ or member leads the human body?"
The topic of leadership is very popular and it seems to me that most folks are pretty confused about what good church leaders do.
Who do good leaders lead?
Who are the followers?
Why are leaders needed?
A bad definition: Leaders competently lead followers toward a goal. One cannot be a leader is no one is following.
A good definition: Leaders facilitate the development of processes and systems in such a way that many leaders are developed.
For example, a small group of ten persons ought to have ten leaders, none of whom is doing the same things but all of whom are using their gifts, talents and call.
Imagine that such a group has one member that calls them together, another that organizes the fellowship, another who leads worship, another the word, another ministry, another outreach, another prayer, etc. This is how every person leads.
Try this exercise some time with your group. Get into groups of three and answer this question: "What organ or member leads the human body?"
Sunday, November 13, 2005
SCARY" STATISTICS
Journal of the American Medical Association
Several surveys conducted during the past decade suggest that the prevalence of depression among college students is growing, and that it eclipses the rate in the general public. Richard Kadison, MD, chief of the Mental Health Service at Harvard's University Health Services in Boston, Mass, offered what he called some "scary" statistics.
Citing a 2000 survey by the American College Health Association, Kadison said that within the last school year, 61% of college students reported feeling hopeless, 45% said they felt so depressed they could barely function, and 9% felt suicidal. The National Mental Health Association's College Student and Depression Pilot Initiative lists suicide as the second leading cause of death among college students.
Another survey by researchers at Kansas State University in Manhattan has shown that from 1988-1992 to 1996-2001, the proportion of students who came to its counseling center with depression increased from 21% to 41%.
A 1999 survey by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, reported that 30% of college freshman felt overwhelmed by the transition to campus life, compared with only 16% in 1985. The US Surgeon General's report on mental health in 1999 indicated that about 20% of US adults will experience depression at some time in their lives.
What can we do?
Work on preparing kids for college. Teach them skills in communication, problem solving and conflict management. Also, how to Renew their minds with the Bible.
In preparation for the conference, Todd Sevig, PhD, director of the University of Michigan Counseling and Psychological Services, examined 1992-2002 utilization data from counseling centers at the 11 universities that comprise the Big Ten Conference. "There has been roughly a 42% increase in the number of students seen at these counseling centers," he said.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), in Boston, also has recorded an increase in the number of students seeking counseling. Kristine Girard, MD, chief of Mental Health Services, said that from 1995 to 2000, the proportion of the student body seeking counseling increased from 8% to 12%. "That figure continues to rise at about 1% per year, and it taxes our services," said Girard.
Journal of the American Medical Association
Several surveys conducted during the past decade suggest that the prevalence of depression among college students is growing, and that it eclipses the rate in the general public. Richard Kadison, MD, chief of the Mental Health Service at Harvard's University Health Services in Boston, Mass, offered what he called some "scary" statistics.
Citing a 2000 survey by the American College Health Association, Kadison said that within the last school year, 61% of college students reported feeling hopeless, 45% said they felt so depressed they could barely function, and 9% felt suicidal. The National Mental Health Association's College Student and Depression Pilot Initiative lists suicide as the second leading cause of death among college students.
Another survey by researchers at Kansas State University in Manhattan has shown that from 1988-1992 to 1996-2001, the proportion of students who came to its counseling center with depression increased from 21% to 41%.
A 1999 survey by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, reported that 30% of college freshman felt overwhelmed by the transition to campus life, compared with only 16% in 1985. The US Surgeon General's report on mental health in 1999 indicated that about 20% of US adults will experience depression at some time in their lives.
What can we do?
Work on preparing kids for college. Teach them skills in communication, problem solving and conflict management. Also, how to Renew their minds with the Bible.
In preparation for the conference, Todd Sevig, PhD, director of the University of Michigan Counseling and Psychological Services, examined 1992-2002 utilization data from counseling centers at the 11 universities that comprise the Big Ten Conference. "There has been roughly a 42% increase in the number of students seen at these counseling centers," he said.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), in Boston, also has recorded an increase in the number of students seeking counseling. Kristine Girard, MD, chief of Mental Health Services, said that from 1995 to 2000, the proportion of the student body seeking counseling increased from 8% to 12%. "That figure continues to rise at about 1% per year, and it taxes our services," said Girard.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Coach or Counselor: Which is Best for You?
We are all familiar with coaches because so many of us have helped our kids soccer and baseball teams. In addition ot a Coach most school and professional teams also have a Trainer and a Doctor in case some of the players get hurt in the games.
Coaches focus on gaining skills and discovering sports talents. Their goal is to help the players grow in resiliency and strength as well as have fun. Although a Coach may give First Aid to a player in an emergency the Physician would be called asap to care for the long term needs of the injured member.
The same is true for Personal and Executive Coaches. We focus on Positive Strengths like developing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and discovering God's gifts and call in life and work. We know from experience and research, to say nothing about the Bible, that people live much more satisfied lives when they develop high levels of love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, kindness and patience.
I am a Family Therapist who can help people severely wounded in the game of life. For thirty years I have provided Clinical Counseling to hundreds of the Greater Cincinnati community. However, I greatly prefer being a Coach that shows folks how to prevent injuries in the first place. In fact I have spent far more time Training Coaches how to Coach and have set up Coaching Centers all over the world.
If you are interested in being Coached or being a Coach, give me a call or write a comment.
We are all familiar with coaches because so many of us have helped our kids soccer and baseball teams. In addition ot a Coach most school and professional teams also have a Trainer and a Doctor in case some of the players get hurt in the games.
Coaches focus on gaining skills and discovering sports talents. Their goal is to help the players grow in resiliency and strength as well as have fun. Although a Coach may give First Aid to a player in an emergency the Physician would be called asap to care for the long term needs of the injured member.
The same is true for Personal and Executive Coaches. We focus on Positive Strengths like developing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and discovering God's gifts and call in life and work. We know from experience and research, to say nothing about the Bible, that people live much more satisfied lives when they develop high levels of love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, kindness and patience.
I am a Family Therapist who can help people severely wounded in the game of life. For thirty years I have provided Clinical Counseling to hundreds of the Greater Cincinnati community. However, I greatly prefer being a Coach that shows folks how to prevent injuries in the first place. In fact I have spent far more time Training Coaches how to Coach and have set up Coaching Centers all over the world.
If you are interested in being Coached or being a Coach, give me a call or write a comment.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Want to be a Change Agent?
In 1968-69 I made some huge mistakes while trying to get my church to try some great ideas. I was getting my doctorate at University of Cincinnati and began to focus on the power of small groups to support people as they grew in purpose, skills and healthy relationships. I was high on the possibilities of using small groups in the church to facilitate Christian education.
Then Karen and I went over to Indiana to a Yokefellow's Conference and heard some powerful Christian leaders tell how small groups were already being used to facilitate healing, growth and Biblical insights. I was thrilled and convinced that I could start a small group study among our college and career students at Dent Baptist Church. A year later I had been told to stop all my small group activities and asked to leave the church.
Looking back it is obvious that I took a great idea and make it a bitter pill for the church to swallow. I had not intended to cause a ruckus but I did. Motivation does not mean much if the skill of implementation is done poorly.
How to Foster Change Without Killing the People Involved
With these former failed experiences ringing in my ears I sought knowledge and wisdom about how to be a successful change agent. Like successful doctors, these are the change agents whose patients actually survive the operation. Here are some of the lessons I have learned.
1. Go slowly. Doing the right things in the right way means the difference between success and failure. As my dad often said, "Decide in haste and repent at leisure."
2. Manage the process not the people. Design a good process and conflicts, complaints and troubled people will more than likely be kept on board and a split avoided.
3. Expect about 5% of the people to love the changes and 5% to hate them. No matter what you try the "Never Adopters" will resist and the "Early Adopters" will applaud. People with thin skin are not meant to be change agents.
4. Clearly communicate your dream and vision. People will likely rally around a big picture.
5. Get the influencer on your team. Archimedes said he could move the world if he had a long enough lever but he was wrong. Where we place the lever, the fulcrum, is even more important to change. Use key people as your fulcrum.
6. Do not ask permission about going for your dream.
7. People, organizations go thro various stages of change. You need to learn the stages and know what is effective for you to do at each of them.
Read my book: Hope and change for Humpty Dumpty for hints and answers to all of these.
In 1968-69 I made some huge mistakes while trying to get my church to try some great ideas. I was getting my doctorate at University of Cincinnati and began to focus on the power of small groups to support people as they grew in purpose, skills and healthy relationships. I was high on the possibilities of using small groups in the church to facilitate Christian education.
Then Karen and I went over to Indiana to a Yokefellow's Conference and heard some powerful Christian leaders tell how small groups were already being used to facilitate healing, growth and Biblical insights. I was thrilled and convinced that I could start a small group study among our college and career students at Dent Baptist Church. A year later I had been told to stop all my small group activities and asked to leave the church.
Looking back it is obvious that I took a great idea and make it a bitter pill for the church to swallow. I had not intended to cause a ruckus but I did. Motivation does not mean much if the skill of implementation is done poorly.
How to Foster Change Without Killing the People Involved
With these former failed experiences ringing in my ears I sought knowledge and wisdom about how to be a successful change agent. Like successful doctors, these are the change agents whose patients actually survive the operation. Here are some of the lessons I have learned.
1. Go slowly. Doing the right things in the right way means the difference between success and failure. As my dad often said, "Decide in haste and repent at leisure."
2. Manage the process not the people. Design a good process and conflicts, complaints and troubled people will more than likely be kept on board and a split avoided.
3. Expect about 5% of the people to love the changes and 5% to hate them. No matter what you try the "Never Adopters" will resist and the "Early Adopters" will applaud. People with thin skin are not meant to be change agents.
4. Clearly communicate your dream and vision. People will likely rally around a big picture.
5. Get the influencer on your team. Archimedes said he could move the world if he had a long enough lever but he was wrong. Where we place the lever, the fulcrum, is even more important to change. Use key people as your fulcrum.
6. Do not ask permission about going for your dream.
7. People, organizations go thro various stages of change. You need to learn the stages and know what is effective for you to do at each of them.
Read my book: Hope and change for Humpty Dumpty for hints and answers to all of these.
Essential Social Skills for Children and Adolescents
The violence among young people concerns us all. We see the horrible images of young people lying on bloody floors of school buildings across America and we can hardly comprehend it. There are, of course, no instant experts and no instant answers. However, we do have some ideas about ways to help adolescents develop the interpersonal and social skills necessary for life and which can reduce their need to react so violently to the issues in their lives.
Overall, the data on reducing adolescent problems are clear. Involve our children in church, extra-curricular school activities and give them relationships with caring adults who will listen to them. All these activities build into the children’s lives several factors of great importance. Structure, discipline, adult role models, hard work and good social skills are essential dimensions for reducing violence. This list records the most important skills.
Beginning Social Skills
1. Listening to other people
2. Preparing for a conversation-focusing on a topic
3. Starting a conversation
4. Carrying out an interactive conversation
5. Asking good questions
6. Saying, thank you
7. Self introduction
8. Introducing other people
9. Offering compliments to others
Advanced Social Skills
10. Asking why
11. Asking for help
12. Joining in with others
13. Giving instructions
14. Following instructions
15. Apologizing
16. Convincing others
Life Matters Radio Program 93.3 FM at 9:25 in the morning
The violence among young people concerns us all. We see the horrible images of young people lying on bloody floors of school buildings across America and we can hardly comprehend it. There are, of course, no instant experts and no instant answers. However, we do have some ideas about ways to help adolescents develop the interpersonal and social skills necessary for life and which can reduce their need to react so violently to the issues in their lives.
Overall, the data on reducing adolescent problems are clear. Involve our children in church, extra-curricular school activities and give them relationships with caring adults who will listen to them. All these activities build into the children’s lives several factors of great importance. Structure, discipline, adult role models, hard work and good social skills are essential dimensions for reducing violence. This list records the most important skills.
Beginning Social Skills
1. Listening to other people
2. Preparing for a conversation-focusing on a topic
3. Starting a conversation
4. Carrying out an interactive conversation
5. Asking good questions
6. Saying, thank you
7. Self introduction
8. Introducing other people
9. Offering compliments to others
Advanced Social Skills
10. Asking why
11. Asking for help
12. Joining in with others
13. Giving instructions
14. Following instructions
15. Apologizing
16. Convincing others
Life Matters Radio Program 93.3 FM at 9:25 in the morning
Social Skills for Success
These skills are learned through modeling as well as teaching.
Alternatives to aggression
1. Asking permission
2. Sharing with others
3. Helping others
4. Negotiation
5. Self-control
6. Standing up for personal rights
7. Saying no
8. Responding to teasing
9. Avoiding trouble with others
10. Keeping out of fights
These skills are learned through modeling as well as teaching.
Alternatives to aggression
1. Asking permission
2. Sharing with others
3. Helping others
4. Negotiation
5. Self-control
6. Standing up for personal rights
7. Saying no
8. Responding to teasing
9. Avoiding trouble with others
10. Keeping out of fights
Rearing Good Kids
The advanced skills required for a successful life start at home and continue throughout life. Most divorces and business conflicts can be found in the failure to proactice these skills.
Stress Skills
1. Expressing a complaint
2. Answering a complaint
3. Talking about feelings after a competition
4. Dealing with embarrassment
5. Dealing with being ignored
6. Resisting group pressure
7. Responding to failure
8. Dealing with false accusations
Planning Skills
9. Dealing with boredom
10. Suggesting something to do
11. Finding a problem’s cause
12. Setting a goal
13. Gathering information
14. Prioritizing problems
15. Making decisions
16. Concentrating on a task
Adapted from Goldstein, A.P., Sherman, M., Gershaw, N.J., Sprafkin, R.P., and Glick. Training Aggressive Youth in Prosocial Behavior, Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Vol. 7, No. 1, 1973.
Lifeway Counseling Centers, 11161 Kenwood Rd, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242, 513-769-4600
The advanced skills required for a successful life start at home and continue throughout life. Most divorces and business conflicts can be found in the failure to proactice these skills.
Stress Skills
1. Expressing a complaint
2. Answering a complaint
3. Talking about feelings after a competition
4. Dealing with embarrassment
5. Dealing with being ignored
6. Resisting group pressure
7. Responding to failure
8. Dealing with false accusations
Planning Skills
9. Dealing with boredom
10. Suggesting something to do
11. Finding a problem’s cause
12. Setting a goal
13. Gathering information
14. Prioritizing problems
15. Making decisions
16. Concentrating on a task
Adapted from Goldstein, A.P., Sherman, M., Gershaw, N.J., Sprafkin, R.P., and Glick. Training Aggressive Youth in Prosocial Behavior, Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Vol. 7, No. 1, 1973.
Lifeway Counseling Centers, 11161 Kenwood Rd, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242, 513-769-4600
Do You Remember?
A few years ago the Ad Council ran TV commercials showing two eggs frying in a skillet. At the end a voice cam on and said, "This is your brain on drugs."
These ads were extremely successful in getting the attention of the public and many parents thought they were great. Unfortunately they failed miserably to persuade kids to abstain from drugs.
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is..." This was one of the most memorable ads in the history of Television. Almost everyone alive at that time can still remember seeing it and can sing the little ditty that accompanied it. Unfortunately, it was a very expensive failure because almost nobody was persuaded to buy Alka Seltzer as a result of seeing it.
Because of research about drug, alcohol and suicide prevention we know a lot about the things that do not work with adults or kids. Unfortunately, sober adults, especially preachers, seem to love the things that fail. They can remember and repeat the slogans, statistics and warnings about "sex, drugs and rock music" but almost no one tempted by these devilish problems is deterred.
The only people who like hard sell activities of preaching prevention are the young people who have already decided not to indulge in them. Preaching is almost always designed to scare the kids who are already scared. They are already obedient, compliant and easily disciplined so the sermons work with them.
Kids that are rebellious, anti authoritarian and drawn to alcohol, drugs and sex will be motivated even more to engage in those activities.
I am often asked how to "Motivate the unmotivated". Be very careful. We often come up with slogans like, "This is your brain on drugs" and they tend to motivate the unmotivated to be LESS motivated to do what we want and MORE motivated to rebel.
Kids who spend time with adults are less likely to do bad things.
Kids who have a single adult LISTEN to them are mush less likely to be victimized. (Get my book on listening.)
Kids who are involved in positive activities with positive peers are less likely to get into trouble.
Develop good boundaries, family rules about curfews, eating together, automobile usage, mutual respect, etc.
Take them to church regularly.
A few years ago the Ad Council ran TV commercials showing two eggs frying in a skillet. At the end a voice cam on and said, "This is your brain on drugs."
These ads were extremely successful in getting the attention of the public and many parents thought they were great. Unfortunately they failed miserably to persuade kids to abstain from drugs.
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is..." This was one of the most memorable ads in the history of Television. Almost everyone alive at that time can still remember seeing it and can sing the little ditty that accompanied it. Unfortunately, it was a very expensive failure because almost nobody was persuaded to buy Alka Seltzer as a result of seeing it.
Because of research about drug, alcohol and suicide prevention we know a lot about the things that do not work with adults or kids. Unfortunately, sober adults, especially preachers, seem to love the things that fail. They can remember and repeat the slogans, statistics and warnings about "sex, drugs and rock music" but almost no one tempted by these devilish problems is deterred.
The only people who like hard sell activities of preaching prevention are the young people who have already decided not to indulge in them. Preaching is almost always designed to scare the kids who are already scared. They are already obedient, compliant and easily disciplined so the sermons work with them.
Kids that are rebellious, anti authoritarian and drawn to alcohol, drugs and sex will be motivated even more to engage in those activities.
I am often asked how to "Motivate the unmotivated". Be very careful. We often come up with slogans like, "This is your brain on drugs" and they tend to motivate the unmotivated to be LESS motivated to do what we want and MORE motivated to rebel.
Kids who spend time with adults are less likely to do bad things.
Kids who have a single adult LISTEN to them are mush less likely to be victimized. (Get my book on listening.)
Kids who are involved in positive activities with positive peers are less likely to get into trouble.
Develop good boundaries, family rules about curfews, eating together, automobile usage, mutual respect, etc.
Take them to church regularly.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Seligman on Prevention
Martin Seligman, one of the most influential modern psychologists in the world, tells us what works in prevention and human growth. It is not scare tactics, hell fire and brimstone sermons or anxious warnings.
I've worked in prevention for the last 15 years or so, and I thought when I started that what prevention would be about was what this group of prevention experts told me it was about; it was about the medical model done early. And then as the prevention literature started to emerge on what worked and what didn't work, it turned out that virtually nothing that we had learned about the biology of mental illness or the psychotherapy for mental illness was applicable to prevention, that prevention wasn't about repairing damage.
Rather, the things that worked, in my own life will work with kids. I changed my attitude and it changed my behavior and my feelings. I decided to become more optimistic. We taught young people how to deal with Adversity in a positive manner.
We taught children the skills of thinking about bad events as local and specific problems. They became accurate in their attributions. By doing that one simple thing we can cut the rate of depression by about fifty percent.
Prevention, is not about repairing damage. It's about taking the human strength, hope, optimism, future-mindedness and building it and using that as a buffer against depression.
... if you're interested in preventing schizophrenia in kids that are genetically vulnerable to schizophrenia, if you're interested in preventing drug abuse in kids that are vulnerable to it because they live in the wrong neighborhood, if you're interested in preventing depression for people who are going to come across awful events, it's not the medical techniques, it's not the psychotherapy techniques that are useful, but rather there are a set of human virtues, human strengths, which are the great buffers against these conditions.
Courage, hope, interpersonal skill, perseverance, honesty, work ethic, capacity for pleasure, future-mindedness, capacity for insight, just to name a few.
These three remain, faith, hope and love but the greatest is love. I Corninthians 13
Martin Seligman, one of the most influential modern psychologists in the world, tells us what works in prevention and human growth. It is not scare tactics, hell fire and brimstone sermons or anxious warnings.
I've worked in prevention for the last 15 years or so, and I thought when I started that what prevention would be about was what this group of prevention experts told me it was about; it was about the medical model done early. And then as the prevention literature started to emerge on what worked and what didn't work, it turned out that virtually nothing that we had learned about the biology of mental illness or the psychotherapy for mental illness was applicable to prevention, that prevention wasn't about repairing damage.
Rather, the things that worked, in my own life will work with kids. I changed my attitude and it changed my behavior and my feelings. I decided to become more optimistic. We taught young people how to deal with Adversity in a positive manner.
We taught children the skills of thinking about bad events as local and specific problems. They became accurate in their attributions. By doing that one simple thing we can cut the rate of depression by about fifty percent.
Prevention, is not about repairing damage. It's about taking the human strength, hope, optimism, future-mindedness and building it and using that as a buffer against depression.
... if you're interested in preventing schizophrenia in kids that are genetically vulnerable to schizophrenia, if you're interested in preventing drug abuse in kids that are vulnerable to it because they live in the wrong neighborhood, if you're interested in preventing depression for people who are going to come across awful events, it's not the medical techniques, it's not the psychotherapy techniques that are useful, but rather there are a set of human virtues, human strengths, which are the great buffers against these conditions.
Courage, hope, interpersonal skill, perseverance, honesty, work ethic, capacity for pleasure, future-mindedness, capacity for insight, just to name a few.
These three remain, faith, hope and love but the greatest is love. I Corninthians 13
The Positive Effects of Religiosity on Recovery from Alcohol Abuse
Using the Virginia Twin Registry as a data base, researcher Kendler (1997) investigated the effects of personal involvement in religion on substance use and dependence. The study found that personal devotion acted as a buffer against life stress and that personal religious conservatism was inversely related to the amount of current alcohol use and lifetime risk of smoking. Membership in a conservative religious institution was further associated with a decreased lifetime risk of major depression.
For years, beginning in earnest with Freud and continuing in its most malignant form with figures like Albert Ellis, members of the psychology community have attributed all manner of psychological and social ills to religion. Clearly, this research suggests that the opposite may be true and that religion may play a helpful role in protecting people from life stress and risk of substance abuse.
Kendler, K.S. (1997). Religion, psychopathology, and substance use and abuse: A multimeasure, genetic, epidemiologic study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 154, 322-329.
Using the Virginia Twin Registry as a data base, researcher Kendler (1997) investigated the effects of personal involvement in religion on substance use and dependence. The study found that personal devotion acted as a buffer against life stress and that personal religious conservatism was inversely related to the amount of current alcohol use and lifetime risk of smoking. Membership in a conservative religious institution was further associated with a decreased lifetime risk of major depression.
For years, beginning in earnest with Freud and continuing in its most malignant form with figures like Albert Ellis, members of the psychology community have attributed all manner of psychological and social ills to religion. Clearly, this research suggests that the opposite may be true and that religion may play a helpful role in protecting people from life stress and risk of substance abuse.
Kendler, K.S. (1997). Religion, psychopathology, and substance use and abuse: A multimeasure, genetic, epidemiologic study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 154, 322-329.
D.A.R.E. to Give Up: What to do when a Politically Popular Idea Just Doesn't Work?
The politicians love it and alcohol and drug treatment professionals support it: the D.A.R.E. program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). The data from this 10 year follow-up of kids in the program compared to those who received a standard drug education curriculum, however, show that the program simply doesn't work.
Researchers Lyman, et al (1999) found NO differences between the two groups in actual drug use, drug attitudes, self-esteem, or on any other measure of successful outcome. The authors suggest that the reason for the continued popularity of the approach in spite of a lack of support is that the program is a "feel-good" approach that everyone can support. In spite of a lack of efficacy, in other words, it seems like something is being done.
Lyman, D.R. et al. (1999). Project DARE. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(4), 590-3.
The politicians love it and alcohol and drug treatment professionals support it: the D.A.R.E. program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). The data from this 10 year follow-up of kids in the program compared to those who received a standard drug education curriculum, however, show that the program simply doesn't work.
Researchers Lyman, et al (1999) found NO differences between the two groups in actual drug use, drug attitudes, self-esteem, or on any other measure of successful outcome. The authors suggest that the reason for the continued popularity of the approach in spite of a lack of support is that the program is a "feel-good" approach that everyone can support. In spite of a lack of efficacy, in other words, it seems like something is being done.
Lyman, D.R. et al. (1999). Project DARE. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(4), 590-3.
Hardwired to Connect
A national report by a blue ribbon commission says:
A ... significant body of research also shows that people are ``hardwired" for meaning, born with a built-in capacity and drive to ask the ultimate questions about life's purpose: Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? How should I live? What will happen when I die?
Across time and cultures, this distinctively human pursuit has been closely connected to spiritual seeking and experience and to religious belief and practice. Using brain imaging, neuroscientists Eugene d Aquili and Andrew B. Newberg's have found that the same part of the brain that underlies the human need to seek answers to what is true about life's deepest questions also underlies many spiritual and religious experiences. In other words, the pursuit of meaning appears to be physiologically linked to spiritual and religious seeking.
To date the influence of religion on U.S. young people has been ``grossly understudied," according to Byron Johnson of the University of Pennsylvania. However, existing research is highly suggestive.
For adolescents, religiosity is significantly associated with a reduced likelihood of both unintentional and intentional injury (both of which are leading causes of death for teenagers. Homicides, suicides and accidents account for 85 percent of all deaths among early to late adolescents).
Religious teenagers are safer drivers and are more likely to wear seatbelts than their less religious peers. They are less likely to become juvenile delinquents or adult criminals. They are less prone to substance abuse. They are less likely to endorse engaging in high-risk behavior or the idea of enjoying danger.
On the positive side of the coin, religiously committed teenagers are more likely to volunteer in the community, to participate in sports and student government, to have high self-esteem and more positive attitudes about life.
Much of this research is based on large national studies. One religious quality that appears to be especially beneficial, in terms of mental health and lifestyle consequences, is what some scholars call personal devotion, or the young person's sense of participating in a ``direct personal relationship with the Divine." Personal devotion among adolescents in associated with reduced risk-taking, more effectively resolving feelings of loneliness, greater regard for self and for others, and a stronger sense that life has meaning and purpose.
These protective effects of personal devotion are twice as great for adolescents as they are for adults. This last finding clearly reinforces the idea, found in many cross-national studies, that adolescence is a time of particularly intense searching for, and openness to, the transcendent. Here is how Lisa Miller of Columbia University puts it: ``A search for spiritual relationship with the Creator may be an inherent developmental process in adolescence." For this reason, the Commission is recommending that our society as a whole, and youth advocates and youth service professionals in particular, should pay greater attention to this aspect of youth development.
This task will not be easy, the Commission's warns in its report. Because we are a philosophically diverse and religiously plural society, many of our youth-serving programs and social environments for young people will need to find ways respectfully to reflect that diversity and pluralism. But that is a challenge to be embraced, not avoided.
One of the many problems with the avoidance strategy is that denying or ignoring the spiritual needs of adolescents may end up creating a void in their lives that either devolves into depression or is filled by other forms of questing and challenge, such as drinking, unbridled consumerism, petty crime, sexual precocity, or flirtations with violence.
Get kids to God!
A national report by a blue ribbon commission says:
A ... significant body of research also shows that people are ``hardwired" for meaning, born with a built-in capacity and drive to ask the ultimate questions about life's purpose: Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? How should I live? What will happen when I die?
Across time and cultures, this distinctively human pursuit has been closely connected to spiritual seeking and experience and to religious belief and practice. Using brain imaging, neuroscientists Eugene d Aquili and Andrew B. Newberg's have found that the same part of the brain that underlies the human need to seek answers to what is true about life's deepest questions also underlies many spiritual and religious experiences. In other words, the pursuit of meaning appears to be physiologically linked to spiritual and religious seeking.
To date the influence of religion on U.S. young people has been ``grossly understudied," according to Byron Johnson of the University of Pennsylvania. However, existing research is highly suggestive.
For adolescents, religiosity is significantly associated with a reduced likelihood of both unintentional and intentional injury (both of which are leading causes of death for teenagers. Homicides, suicides and accidents account for 85 percent of all deaths among early to late adolescents).
Religious teenagers are safer drivers and are more likely to wear seatbelts than their less religious peers. They are less likely to become juvenile delinquents or adult criminals. They are less prone to substance abuse. They are less likely to endorse engaging in high-risk behavior or the idea of enjoying danger.
On the positive side of the coin, religiously committed teenagers are more likely to volunteer in the community, to participate in sports and student government, to have high self-esteem and more positive attitudes about life.
Much of this research is based on large national studies. One religious quality that appears to be especially beneficial, in terms of mental health and lifestyle consequences, is what some scholars call personal devotion, or the young person's sense of participating in a ``direct personal relationship with the Divine." Personal devotion among adolescents in associated with reduced risk-taking, more effectively resolving feelings of loneliness, greater regard for self and for others, and a stronger sense that life has meaning and purpose.
These protective effects of personal devotion are twice as great for adolescents as they are for adults. This last finding clearly reinforces the idea, found in many cross-national studies, that adolescence is a time of particularly intense searching for, and openness to, the transcendent. Here is how Lisa Miller of Columbia University puts it: ``A search for spiritual relationship with the Creator may be an inherent developmental process in adolescence." For this reason, the Commission is recommending that our society as a whole, and youth advocates and youth service professionals in particular, should pay greater attention to this aspect of youth development.
This task will not be easy, the Commission's warns in its report. Because we are a philosophically diverse and religiously plural society, many of our youth-serving programs and social environments for young people will need to find ways respectfully to reflect that diversity and pluralism. But that is a challenge to be embraced, not avoided.
One of the many problems with the avoidance strategy is that denying or ignoring the spiritual needs of adolescents may end up creating a void in their lives that either devolves into depression or is filled by other forms of questing and challenge, such as drinking, unbridled consumerism, petty crime, sexual precocity, or flirtations with violence.
Get kids to God!
Alcohol is the Most Dangerous Drug in the United States
Although we hear a lot about illegal drug use alcohol is still the leading cause of drug damage in the USA ans around the world.
Alcohol abuse is the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States (4% of the total deaths in 2000), and is a factor in approximately 41% of all deaths from motor vehicle crashes.
Among youth, the use of alcohol and other drugs has also been linked to unintentional injuries, physical fights, academic and occupational problems, and illegal behavior.
Long-term alcohol misuse is associated with liver disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and neurological damage as well as psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety, and antisocial personality disorder.
Drug use contributes directly and indirectly to the HIV epidemic, and alcohol and drug use contribute markedly to infant morbidity and mortality.
Current alcohol use among high school students remained steady from 1991 to 1999, with a significant decrease from 50% in 1999 to 45% in 2003. In 2003, 28% of high school students reported episodic heavy drinking.
Current marijuana use increased from 15% in 1991 to 26% in 1997, then decreased from 26% in 1997 to 22% in 2003.
Watch out for alcohol abuse by your teenage children.
Church attendance reduces risky behavior but does not guarantee healthy choices.
Although we hear a lot about illegal drug use alcohol is still the leading cause of drug damage in the USA ans around the world.
Alcohol abuse is the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States (4% of the total deaths in 2000), and is a factor in approximately 41% of all deaths from motor vehicle crashes.
Among youth, the use of alcohol and other drugs has also been linked to unintentional injuries, physical fights, academic and occupational problems, and illegal behavior.
Long-term alcohol misuse is associated with liver disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and neurological damage as well as psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety, and antisocial personality disorder.
Drug use contributes directly and indirectly to the HIV epidemic, and alcohol and drug use contribute markedly to infant morbidity and mortality.
Current alcohol use among high school students remained steady from 1991 to 1999, with a significant decrease from 50% in 1999 to 45% in 2003. In 2003, 28% of high school students reported episodic heavy drinking.
Current marijuana use increased from 15% in 1991 to 26% in 1997, then decreased from 26% in 1997 to 22% in 2003.
Watch out for alcohol abuse by your teenage children.
Church attendance reduces risky behavior but does not guarantee healthy choices.
Surrender the Desire to Control
Win the Battle for Structure
Parents are in a constant battle for control of their kids' behavior and that means they are continually losing. Kids have little to do other than whine, cajole and try to get their way. If we try to control their every emotion and action we will be exhausted and they will get their way in the end.
Here is what I mean:
Families need to set certain times to go to bed, get up in the morning, when meals are held and how many snacks can be had each day as well as what kind of snacks. This prevents parents from fighting over every meal, every bed time, every snack and ever home work. Fight the battle for structure one time and get it set in stone.
If we get upset or concerned every time one of our children gets mad, sad or upset with us and start negotiating the rules or the event, we will always be in chaos. It is natural and normal for kids to get upset. It is GOOD for kids to get mad, sad and act bad. It is the only way they can learn to manage their emotions.
Read this example about how a simple yellow line on the sidewalk provided the structure that transformed the unruly behavior of New Yorkers into patience.
Yellow Line Transforms Behavior
Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for The New York Times Magazine, says:In New York at 33rd and Broadway, it's a big transportation hub. Penn Station's right there. A lot of commuter trains stop there, a major subway stop.
Thousands and thousands of people pouring out and what everybody wants more than anything else is: They want a taxi the most appalling episodes of violence I've seen since I've been here and I've been in New York for 30 years and all kinds of angry acts were committed there.
Then about 10 years ago, someone, I guess, the Taxi and Limousine Commission, they did something very simple. They painted a yellow strip down the sidewalk and they stenciled two words on the sidewalk: Cab Line.
It utterly transformed behavior there. It's the most astonishing thing. Nearly everyone, almost all the time, simply waits in line. It's magnificent.
It's never enforced, there are no "line" police there. But we changed the physical conditions and made it possible for people to behave, invited them to behave, and they do!
Moms and Dads can transform the behavior of kids by putting simple rules into place with few words. There is no need to explode or argue or cajole them. JUST DO IT!
Win the Battle for Structure
Parents are in a constant battle for control of their kids' behavior and that means they are continually losing. Kids have little to do other than whine, cajole and try to get their way. If we try to control their every emotion and action we will be exhausted and they will get their way in the end.
Here is what I mean:
Families need to set certain times to go to bed, get up in the morning, when meals are held and how many snacks can be had each day as well as what kind of snacks. This prevents parents from fighting over every meal, every bed time, every snack and ever home work. Fight the battle for structure one time and get it set in stone.
If we get upset or concerned every time one of our children gets mad, sad or upset with us and start negotiating the rules or the event, we will always be in chaos. It is natural and normal for kids to get upset. It is GOOD for kids to get mad, sad and act bad. It is the only way they can learn to manage their emotions.
Read this example about how a simple yellow line on the sidewalk provided the structure that transformed the unruly behavior of New Yorkers into patience.
Yellow Line Transforms Behavior
Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for The New York Times Magazine, says:In New York at 33rd and Broadway, it's a big transportation hub. Penn Station's right there. A lot of commuter trains stop there, a major subway stop.
Thousands and thousands of people pouring out and what everybody wants more than anything else is: They want a taxi the most appalling episodes of violence I've seen since I've been here and I've been in New York for 30 years and all kinds of angry acts were committed there.
Then about 10 years ago, someone, I guess, the Taxi and Limousine Commission, they did something very simple. They painted a yellow strip down the sidewalk and they stenciled two words on the sidewalk: Cab Line.
It utterly transformed behavior there. It's the most astonishing thing. Nearly everyone, almost all the time, simply waits in line. It's magnificent.
It's never enforced, there are no "line" police there. But we changed the physical conditions and made it possible for people to behave, invited them to behave, and they do!
Moms and Dads can transform the behavior of kids by putting simple rules into place with few words. There is no need to explode or argue or cajole them. JUST DO IT!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Think You Have Troubles?
Thomas Cooper was born in Oxford, England in 1517. After receiving his degree from Oxford University, he practiced as a physician. In 1548, he began his literary career when he edited a Latin dictionary.
In 1549, Cooper began working on a comprehensive thesaurus. During the next eight years, he systematically chronicled 33,000 entries. Now Cooper had a wife who became jealous of his work. One day in 1557, she went into Thomas’ study and burned all of his notes on the pretence that he would kill himself with study.
Arriving home soon afterward, Thomas asked who had caused this destruction.His wife boldly replied that she had burned his notes.“Oh Dinah, Dinah, thou hast given me a world of trouble” sighed Thomas.
He then sat down and for the next eight years he recreated the notes destroyed by his wife. In 1565 appeared the first edition of his greatest work, Thesaurus Linguae Romanae et Britannicae, and this was followed by three other editions.
Queen Elizabeth was greatly pleased with the Thesaurus, generally known as Cooper’s Dictionary and in 1571 she made him the bishop of Lincoln.
He may have pleased the Queen, but his wife was upset.
Thomas Cooper was born in Oxford, England in 1517. After receiving his degree from Oxford University, he practiced as a physician. In 1548, he began his literary career when he edited a Latin dictionary.
In 1549, Cooper began working on a comprehensive thesaurus. During the next eight years, he systematically chronicled 33,000 entries. Now Cooper had a wife who became jealous of his work. One day in 1557, she went into Thomas’ study and burned all of his notes on the pretence that he would kill himself with study.
Arriving home soon afterward, Thomas asked who had caused this destruction.His wife boldly replied that she had burned his notes.“Oh Dinah, Dinah, thou hast given me a world of trouble” sighed Thomas.
He then sat down and for the next eight years he recreated the notes destroyed by his wife. In 1565 appeared the first edition of his greatest work, Thesaurus Linguae Romanae et Britannicae, and this was followed by three other editions.
Queen Elizabeth was greatly pleased with the Thesaurus, generally known as Cooper’s Dictionary and in 1571 she made him the bishop of Lincoln.
He may have pleased the Queen, but his wife was upset.
Do evangelical Protestant fathers really know best?
By Julia Neyman, USA TODAY
Religious men, especially evangelical Protestants, are more involved and attentive husbands and fathers than men who are not religious, new research shows.
Though they favor a patriarchal family structure, evangelical Protestant men who attend church regularly scored higher on several national surveys that evaluated levels of family involvement and affection than did men from other religious groups and men who consider themselves religiously unaffiliated. Surveys included the government's National Survey of Families and Households.
"Evangelical Protestant dads come out on top compared with every religious group in the U.S.," says University of Virginia sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, who conducted the study.
He analyzed data from three large surveys conducted several times from 1972 to 1999 that examined behaviors and attitudes toward family and gender among different religious groups, including Catholics and Protestant Christian denominations, Jews, Muslims and others. The results point to greater family involvement and less domestic violence among churchgoing Protestants, especially evangelicals, which he says include Southern Baptists, Assemblies of God, and nondenominational evangelical churches.
Wilcox says religion "domesticates men in ways that make them more retentive to the ideals and aspirations of their wives and children."
Wilcox, who is Catholic, says earlier research about Protestant religions and family life concentrated on the fact that many Protestant parents spank their children. "There was a sense that they were authoritarian parents," he says. "But my personal observations led me to believe that they were strict but affectionate parents."
He reports his findings in a new book, Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. According to his analysis, evangelical Protestant men are more likely to expect their school-age children to tell them where they are at all times and more likely to hug and be affectionate toward their kids than religiously unaffiliated men. They also spend more time in youth activities with their kids.
Religious men outscored other fathers on most family life indicators, Wilcox says, because religion stresses familial involvement.
"Religious congregations give young families social support and enforce certain norms about what it means to be a good father," Wilcox says.
One reason evangelical Protestants especially are so involved with the lives of their children is that their traditionalist social approach is at odds with popular culture, he says. Often, parents attempt to shield their children from mainstream culture, which they view as corrupt, by closely monitoring them and involving them in family and church activities.
Just go to church regularly and you can be a better dad.
By Julia Neyman, USA TODAY
Religious men, especially evangelical Protestants, are more involved and attentive husbands and fathers than men who are not religious, new research shows.
Though they favor a patriarchal family structure, evangelical Protestant men who attend church regularly scored higher on several national surveys that evaluated levels of family involvement and affection than did men from other religious groups and men who consider themselves religiously unaffiliated. Surveys included the government's National Survey of Families and Households.
"Evangelical Protestant dads come out on top compared with every religious group in the U.S.," says University of Virginia sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, who conducted the study.
He analyzed data from three large surveys conducted several times from 1972 to 1999 that examined behaviors and attitudes toward family and gender among different religious groups, including Catholics and Protestant Christian denominations, Jews, Muslims and others. The results point to greater family involvement and less domestic violence among churchgoing Protestants, especially evangelicals, which he says include Southern Baptists, Assemblies of God, and nondenominational evangelical churches.
Wilcox says religion "domesticates men in ways that make them more retentive to the ideals and aspirations of their wives and children."
Wilcox, who is Catholic, says earlier research about Protestant religions and family life concentrated on the fact that many Protestant parents spank their children. "There was a sense that they were authoritarian parents," he says. "But my personal observations led me to believe that they were strict but affectionate parents."
He reports his findings in a new book, Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. According to his analysis, evangelical Protestant men are more likely to expect their school-age children to tell them where they are at all times and more likely to hug and be affectionate toward their kids than religiously unaffiliated men. They also spend more time in youth activities with their kids.
Religious men outscored other fathers on most family life indicators, Wilcox says, because religion stresses familial involvement.
"Religious congregations give young families social support and enforce certain norms about what it means to be a good father," Wilcox says.
One reason evangelical Protestants especially are so involved with the lives of their children is that their traditionalist social approach is at odds with popular culture, he says. Often, parents attempt to shield their children from mainstream culture, which they view as corrupt, by closely monitoring them and involving them in family and church activities.
Just go to church regularly and you can be a better dad.
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