Surrender the Desire to Control
Win the Battle for Structure

Parents are in a constant battle for control of their kids' behavior and that means they are continually losing. Kids have little to do other than whine, cajole and try to get their way. If we try to control their every emotion and action we will be exhausted and they will get their way in the end.

Here is what I mean:

Families need to set certain times to go to bed, get up in the morning, when meals are held and how many snacks can be had each day as well as what kind of snacks. This prevents parents from fighting over every meal, every bed time, every snack and ever home work. Fight the battle for structure one time and get it set in stone.

If we get upset or concerned every time one of our children gets mad, sad or upset with us and start negotiating the rules or the event, we will always be in chaos. It is natural and normal for kids to get upset. It is GOOD for kids to get mad, sad and act bad. It is the only way they can learn to manage their emotions.

Read this example about how a simple yellow line on the sidewalk provided the structure that transformed the unruly behavior of New Yorkers into patience.

Yellow Line Transforms Behavior

Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for The New York Times Magazine, says:In New York at 33rd and Broadway, it's a big transportation hub. Penn Station's right there. A lot of commuter trains stop there, a major subway stop.

Thousands and thousands of people pouring out and what everybody wants more than anything else is: They want a taxi the most appalling episodes of violence I've seen since I've been here and I've been in New York for 30 years and all kinds of angry acts were committed there.

Then about 10 years ago, someone, I guess, the Taxi and Limousine Commission, they did something very simple. They painted a yellow strip down the sidewalk and they stenciled two words on the sidewalk: Cab Line.

It utterly transformed behavior there. It's the most astonishing thing. Nearly everyone, almost all the time, simply waits in line. It's magnificent.

It's never enforced, there are no "line" police there. But we changed the physical conditions and made it possible for people to behave, invited them to behave, and they do!

Moms and Dads can transform the behavior of kids by putting simple rules into place with few words. There is no need to explode or argue or cajole them. JUST DO IT!