The Thought of 911 is Still Emotional to Me

Each time I see the TV mages of the planes hit the two towers and all the chaos, fire, smoke and destruction that follow I get a bit weak in the knees. Although I very much wanted to go to Ground Zero and am satisfied with our task there, it proved to be one of the most troubling events of my life. I continue to feel despair, smell the horrible stench of burned bodies, smashed office equipment and kerosene I get a little sick to my stomach.

When I see the clouds rise up over the city like a tsumi I remember everything that was in the mixture of dust from a building atomized by the enormous pressure of 110 stories falling together. Those office towers had millions of pounds of typewriters, computers, chairs, desks, carpet, wires, pipes, glasses, spoons, and....PEOPLE while standing, but almost nothing remained when they came down.

The iron workers saw everything up close and personal. One guy was so traumatized that he could not sleep for days. He came to the Salvation Army tent looking for help but he acted as though he wanted a cup of coffee or Mountain dew or their favorite drink Red Bull. He had heard that our place down near Battery Park was the Counseling Tent and he was looking for healing; or at least some relief. Dr. Carolyn, our physician, dispensed some TLC, a couple of Ibuprofin and some advice. "Go home and get some sleep." But he just couldn't do it. He was glued to the site.

"Every time I close my eyes I see his face or what was left of it. The cops and firefighters have been trained for this but iron workers and not supposed to pull dead bodies out of the dirt. I just can't get over seeing hands, arms and bodies in the rubble."

I listened, prayed and helped him face past losses that he had bever grieved.

• Mom and Dad had been killed when he was eight. He held it all in like a big boy should.
• Big brother who took him in died from a drug overdose when he was fourteen but he never grieved.
• He lost his wife and two little girls because of alcohol and drugs but he just laughed it off.

He was tough. But now, at last, he had seen enough and it kept him awake for four days.

Thankfully we were there to support and counsel guys like this but we were also traumatized in the process. I do not hate all Muslims. I do not wish Muslims harm. Neither did most of the men at Ground Zero. They were saddened that we would have to go to war. They knew it was necessary but they hated the idea of thousands more being killed.

Most of the people I met were Christians. Perhaps nominal and somewhat irregular attenders but they knew about forgiveness and the difference between justice and revenge. The first responders appreciated our presence and thanked us for being there with them. They knew we were volunteers and they were amazed that a bunch from Ohio would come all that way to help them out. It was not a sacrifice but an honor.