Loss and Grief

In 1994 and 1995 I experienced a series of losses that almost led to the loss of my life. Thanks to God's interventions I survived and now I thrive because He lifted me up and healed my soul. In 1989 I left my very secure position at College Hill Presbyterian after 16 wonderful years of being loved and supported by my colleagues, the Elders and the congregation.

I had a strong call from God to start a psychiatric hospital and outpatient clinic so we resigned and began a difficult career switch. A few years later I had to leave the ministry I had founded in 1978 to take our training to the world and my mother died during the same period. I was devastated, depressed and desperate. To add insult to injury I suffered a severe heart ailment and had to take a medical leave.

As we drove from the funeral parlor to my home church for the memorial service I experienced a deep pain so severe that I doubted I could stand it. I silently cried out to God and asked for relief from all that loss. At that moment He spoke to my heart and told me to look at the new baby boy Jacob born to my daughter and son-in-law 10 months earlier.

I heard a strong message from the Holy Spirit to look to the future not to the past. The future is in Jacob and children such as he. I knew at that instant that my life of ministry was far from over for the generation of Jacob was in desperate need of older and more experienced Christian leaders. I felt sure I had a legacy in Jacob and his progeny. I was renewed in my soul.

I walked over to the car they were in and took Jacob in my arms and carried him into the service where Mother was ulogized. I held him tightly as the pastor shared about her life of love and Christian compassion. I let her go as I held him in my arms.

Today we celebrated 11 years with Jacob. He was born on my parent's anniversary of March 4 so I will never forget how God provided a replacement for my grief at just the right time.