Have Hope and Never Die?
From the Wall Street Journal's electronic daily newsletter blog. OpinionJournal@wsj.com
"Optimism is good for the heart, a study said on Monday," reports Reuters: The most optimistic among a group of 545 Dutch men age 64 to 84 had a roughly 50 percent lower risk of cardiovascular death over 15 years of follow-up, according to the study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine.
Previous research has suggested being optimistic boosts overall physical health and lowers the risk of death from all causes."
HOPE: This is one reason why Christians live longer, healthier, happier lives.
It doesn't seem fair, does it? We live better lives while we are here on earth and then we get to live forever with Christ in Heaven after our bodies wear out. Wow! All that and heaven too.
Faith, hope and love remain. I CO 13
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Respect From a Teacher
An older classmate from Mt. Vernon Twp High School in Illinois, Bob Wood, Sent me this little story. I hope you enjoy it.
As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.
At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an ex cellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.
But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on he r wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."
After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children.
Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.
Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)
Who was your most Respectful teacher?
An older classmate from Mt. Vernon Twp High School in Illinois, Bob Wood, Sent me this little story. I hope you enjoy it.
As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.
At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an ex cellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.
But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on he r wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."
After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children.
Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.
Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)
Who was your most Respectful teacher?
Respect
I am sure many of you remember the great song by Aretha Franklin called, R-E-S-P-E-C-T! During my doctoral studies I discovered that offering Respect and Understanding to a person in need is worth all the knowledge I gained in graduate school about counseling.
It isn't that research about how the mind works and the ways people respond to a stimulus are not important, they are. It is just that any of that technical information is nearly worthless if it is not done with love. (I CO 13)
Many years ago I visited an old friend who was languishing in the hospital with inoperable cancer. As I stood at her door waiting for an opportunity to knock, I could hear her raspy voice barely rising above the air conditioner. She sounded bad.
Yet, when I walked in to her room, and said in a warm voice, "Hello Irene! It is so good to see you," she brightened up and said in a strong voice, "Gary Sweeten, you old dear. You are a sight for sore eyes!"
I respected Irene and indicated my love to her and it made a difference. I had no magic potion or medical answer to her problems but I had the presence of God. I was the Holy Spirit with skin.
The world is desperately in need of God's people who will live with respect and love. We are in a seriously regressing society that is trying to emulate Russia's failed experiments as fast as we can. Our culture needs more love, more respect, more warmth; we do not need increased criticism, increased anger and increased anxiety.
Wherever you work and play try to take the joy of the Lord and spread it around. It is good for you and good for the culture. Try it!
I am sure many of you remember the great song by Aretha Franklin called, R-E-S-P-E-C-T! During my doctoral studies I discovered that offering Respect and Understanding to a person in need is worth all the knowledge I gained in graduate school about counseling.
It isn't that research about how the mind works and the ways people respond to a stimulus are not important, they are. It is just that any of that technical information is nearly worthless if it is not done with love. (I CO 13)
Many years ago I visited an old friend who was languishing in the hospital with inoperable cancer. As I stood at her door waiting for an opportunity to knock, I could hear her raspy voice barely rising above the air conditioner. She sounded bad.
Yet, when I walked in to her room, and said in a warm voice, "Hello Irene! It is so good to see you," she brightened up and said in a strong voice, "Gary Sweeten, you old dear. You are a sight for sore eyes!"
I respected Irene and indicated my love to her and it made a difference. I had no magic potion or medical answer to her problems but I had the presence of God. I was the Holy Spirit with skin.
The world is desperately in need of God's people who will live with respect and love. We are in a seriously regressing society that is trying to emulate Russia's failed experiments as fast as we can. Our culture needs more love, more respect, more warmth; we do not need increased criticism, increased anger and increased anxiety.
Wherever you work and play try to take the joy of the Lord and spread it around. It is good for you and good for the culture. Try it!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
The Loss of our Culture
The Soviet Union's vicious and evil empire was not just a threat to the world it was even a greater threat to its own people. Millions were killed by various purges in order to keep the people in chronic fear.
The pain and evil committed in one generation is passed tsunami-like to future generations. Just think what chaos the murder of 30 to 50 million people has left for Christians to pick up currently. Alcohol, drugs, divorce, abortion, callous behavior, crude family life all exemplify modern Russia. It will likely take many years to bring even small cultural changes.
Unfortunately, the USA seems bent on a path of similar destruction. We have almost no memory about the things that made us healthy, wealthy and wise. We are seeing a rebellious and angry reaction to everything godly, caring and upbuilding.
The only hope is in God and His churches around the USA and Russia. We desperately need healthy families but a family cannot be healthy without a supportive environment in the church.
We need to share the good news and then build a strong, loving community based on God's Word. It is possible and God is on the move in many places.
Keep truckin as the kids said in the Seventies. It means we ought not give up.
The Soviet Union's vicious and evil empire was not just a threat to the world it was even a greater threat to its own people. Millions were killed by various purges in order to keep the people in chronic fear.
The pain and evil committed in one generation is passed tsunami-like to future generations. Just think what chaos the murder of 30 to 50 million people has left for Christians to pick up currently. Alcohol, drugs, divorce, abortion, callous behavior, crude family life all exemplify modern Russia. It will likely take many years to bring even small cultural changes.
Unfortunately, the USA seems bent on a path of similar destruction. We have almost no memory about the things that made us healthy, wealthy and wise. We are seeing a rebellious and angry reaction to everything godly, caring and upbuilding.
The only hope is in God and His churches around the USA and Russia. We desperately need healthy families but a family cannot be healthy without a supportive environment in the church.
We need to share the good news and then build a strong, loving community based on God's Word. It is possible and God is on the move in many places.
Keep truckin as the kids said in the Seventies. It means we ought not give up.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Family Around the World
Karen and I are very blessed to have both of our children, Julia Knispel and Timothy Sweeten living in this area with their spice and children. Julia and Dave have Jacob (11) and Lily (3) while Time and Shelley have brand new one year old Jack.
Because we have traveled so much both in the US and around the world God has blessed us with many friends and families. I just received that one of our extended families has produced another offspring. Richard and Bridget Kidd are planting a church near Atlanta and had Baby Jonathan on my grandson Jack's birthday, February 15.
Big brother and sister Matthew and Rachel are two of my favorite people.
Go to http://www.lpchurch.org/kiddrev/page4/page4.html for photos and notes about the Kidd and church families.
Karen and I are very blessed to have both of our children, Julia Knispel and Timothy Sweeten living in this area with their spice and children. Julia and Dave have Jacob (11) and Lily (3) while Time and Shelley have brand new one year old Jack.
Because we have traveled so much both in the US and around the world God has blessed us with many friends and families. I just received that one of our extended families has produced another offspring. Richard and Bridget Kidd are planting a church near Atlanta and had Baby Jonathan on my grandson Jack's birthday, February 15.
Big brother and sister Matthew and Rachel are two of my favorite people.
Go to http://www.lpchurch.org/kiddrev/page4/page4.html for photos and notes about the Kidd and church families.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Still Healing After all These Years
Almost 31 years ago I finished my doctoral dissertation at University of Cincinnati. In it I compared basic relationship skills with the Fruit of the Spirit laid out in Galatians 5:22 ff. Way back then in 1975 I discovered that the key to Helping other people grow was not knowledge or insight or mastery of a technique or intervention. The most important, radical and crucial aspects of influencing others to grow, change and heal are interacting with specific skills and attitudes.
If you want to be a good teacher, relate with those skills
If you want to be a good pastor, relate with those skills
If you want to be a good father, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good mother, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good counselor, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good doctor, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good lover, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good manager, relate with those skills.
In scripture they are called Fruit of the Holy Spirit and arise from abiding in Jesus. "Love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, kindness, longsuffering."
In human interaction they are called "The Core Conditions of Healthy Relationships" and can be taught to every mentally healthy person.
Genuineness: Knowing self and managing self
Respect: Knowing and honoring others
Empathy: Listening and relating to others non-judgmentally
Warmth: Caring and upbuilding non-verbals.
These are still the key attributes of healthy ministry, healthy families and healthy counseling.
Almost 31 years ago I finished my doctoral dissertation at University of Cincinnati. In it I compared basic relationship skills with the Fruit of the Spirit laid out in Galatians 5:22 ff. Way back then in 1975 I discovered that the key to Helping other people grow was not knowledge or insight or mastery of a technique or intervention. The most important, radical and crucial aspects of influencing others to grow, change and heal are interacting with specific skills and attitudes.
If you want to be a good teacher, relate with those skills
If you want to be a good pastor, relate with those skills
If you want to be a good father, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good mother, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good counselor, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good doctor, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good lover, relate with those skills.
If you want to be a good manager, relate with those skills.
In scripture they are called Fruit of the Holy Spirit and arise from abiding in Jesus. "Love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, kindness, longsuffering."
In human interaction they are called "The Core Conditions of Healthy Relationships" and can be taught to every mentally healthy person.
Genuineness: Knowing self and managing self
Respect: Knowing and honoring others
Empathy: Listening and relating to others non-judgmentally
Warmth: Caring and upbuilding non-verbals.
These are still the key attributes of healthy ministry, healthy families and healthy counseling.
Spiritual Growth
I have been interested in the stages of spiritual growth for many years. Even as a kid it was obvious that some members of the church were more mature than others. Looking back I can see that my dad was in the stage of maturity that allowed him to think and act without first asking if it was OK with the other members of the church. He was an independent thinker.
Mother, on the other hand, was chained hand and foot to the opinions of others. Her chronic cry was, "Oh Gary Ray, what will people say?" Her sense of personhood was dependent upon being accepted and approved by others.
Although I did not like Mother's using that line with me I really thought down deep inside that she was more mature than Dad. Mother went to church often, read the Bible a lot and talked with that funny, out of place and time King James English when she prayed.
Dad gently scoffed at her need to get him to seem religious by attending every meeting at the church and going to listen to all the traveling evangelists who came through town. He even had the affront to criticize their chronic attempts to control people with hell fire and brimstone sermons. Dad was big on grace and mercy. He often said, "Gary, don't you believe those guys when they tell you God is going to punish you for every little thing. Jesus took care of all that on the cross. What they say is just their own ideas and misery coming out. It is not biblical."
That made Dad look pretty immature to me because I could not separate religious behavior from spiritual life. They were all mixed together in my mind. It took Mother and me both a long time to see that Dad was right and we were wrong.
After a stint of deep depression Mother finally discovered how to "rest in the Lord" and cease from her striving. She died happy and blessed and trusting in God rather than church attendance. That was a real victory.
I have been interested in the stages of spiritual growth for many years. Even as a kid it was obvious that some members of the church were more mature than others. Looking back I can see that my dad was in the stage of maturity that allowed him to think and act without first asking if it was OK with the other members of the church. He was an independent thinker.
Mother, on the other hand, was chained hand and foot to the opinions of others. Her chronic cry was, "Oh Gary Ray, what will people say?" Her sense of personhood was dependent upon being accepted and approved by others.
Although I did not like Mother's using that line with me I really thought down deep inside that she was more mature than Dad. Mother went to church often, read the Bible a lot and talked with that funny, out of place and time King James English when she prayed.
Dad gently scoffed at her need to get him to seem religious by attending every meeting at the church and going to listen to all the traveling evangelists who came through town. He even had the affront to criticize their chronic attempts to control people with hell fire and brimstone sermons. Dad was big on grace and mercy. He often said, "Gary, don't you believe those guys when they tell you God is going to punish you for every little thing. Jesus took care of all that on the cross. What they say is just their own ideas and misery coming out. It is not biblical."
That made Dad look pretty immature to me because I could not separate religious behavior from spiritual life. They were all mixed together in my mind. It took Mother and me both a long time to see that Dad was right and we were wrong.
After a stint of deep depression Mother finally discovered how to "rest in the Lord" and cease from her striving. She died happy and blessed and trusting in God rather than church attendance. That was a real victory.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Too Busy to Blog
I knew I had been too busy but when it hit me that I had not blogged for several days I knew I was on the verge of a burn out. I have been writing on others' blogs because I do like to respond to what people are saying. I love some dialogue so comments turn me on. Here, I am usually alone so there is no one to dialogue with.
On a internet discussion group the recent buzz has been about R.C. Sproul Jr and his entire elder board being disfellowshipped from their denomination and their ordination removed. That is a severe penalty in our day and age and rare to behold.
Their wrongs were related to lying about the doctrine of child communion. They believe in and practice it. However, they lied to their denomination about it. In addition, the group seems to have practiced a rather brutal style of church authority and harshly removed a family and all the children from their church. The supposed cause was disobedience to the absolute authority of the elders.
But that is not all. The pastor and elders shunned the family and their five young children. If ever there was a case of "corrupted power" I suppose this is it. Thankfully, some of the former members refused to stay silent and reported the incidents to the overseers. You may take a look at the following blog for more information.
http://www.bruisedreed.blogspot.com/
Keep all concerned in your prayers. All of us can be tempted and to fall into sin. If you are involved in an unhealthy or abusive church, leave immediately.
I knew I had been too busy but when it hit me that I had not blogged for several days I knew I was on the verge of a burn out. I have been writing on others' blogs because I do like to respond to what people are saying. I love some dialogue so comments turn me on. Here, I am usually alone so there is no one to dialogue with.
On a internet discussion group the recent buzz has been about R.C. Sproul Jr and his entire elder board being disfellowshipped from their denomination and their ordination removed. That is a severe penalty in our day and age and rare to behold.
Their wrongs were related to lying about the doctrine of child communion. They believe in and practice it. However, they lied to their denomination about it. In addition, the group seems to have practiced a rather brutal style of church authority and harshly removed a family and all the children from their church. The supposed cause was disobedience to the absolute authority of the elders.
But that is not all. The pastor and elders shunned the family and their five young children. If ever there was a case of "corrupted power" I suppose this is it. Thankfully, some of the former members refused to stay silent and reported the incidents to the overseers. You may take a look at the following blog for more information.
http://www.bruisedreed.blogspot.com/
Keep all concerned in your prayers. All of us can be tempted and to fall into sin. If you are involved in an unhealthy or abusive church, leave immediately.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Sex and Health
Udry, J. Richard. "Add Health Study." The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health Carolina Population Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill 25 July 2003. 30 Oct. 2003
The study questioned 12 to 18 year-olds and followed up on them six years later.
Sexually Transmitted Disease rates for white youth who pledged to stay virgins until marriage was 2.8 percent compared with 3.5 percent for those who didn't pledge. (A .7% reduction in STDs for those who pledged)
Black youth rates were 18.1 % for those who pledged to remain celibate and 20.3 % for those who did not make the pledge. (A 2 .1% reduction in STDs for those who pledged)
For Hispanic youth 6.7% of those who pledged and 8.6% for those who did not pledge had STDs. (A 1.9% reduction in STDs for those who pledged)
One dramatic difference occurred in the rates of those who had sex. In all, 99% of the non-pledgers and 88 %of pledgers had sex before marriage. A 12% difference makes a difference in pregnancy, emotional loss, depression and rates of poverty.
Virginity pledges also delayed sexual activity and led to fewer partners both of which are positive results.
This shows the power of the pledges by themselves. It also shows that a one-time pledge alone is not enough. Those connected with the abstinence movement would agree.
Commentary
From a psychological point of view, research is clear about the power of a pledge to shape future behavior. Making a promise to do anything, good or bad, tends to promote the behavior promised. Sales personnel know this power and do everything thy can to get us to make a small, very, insignificant promise in order to get us to make larger ones. For example, telephone sales people always ask a simple question just to get you to say “Yes” to it so you will be more like to say “Yes” to their product later.
Therapists use this approach to get people to agree to positive behavior. When a client is suicidal we ask them to sign a pledge not to hurt themselves and to call if they feel like they want to. This has good results and a counselor would be unprofessional if he/she failed to do it.
Second, one pledge may be somewhat effective but not as effective as ongoing support and re-commitment to sexual discipline. Keeping young people engaged in positive support groups is critically important to their mental, emotional and sexual health.
Udry, J. Richard. "Add Health Study." The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health Carolina Population Center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill 25 July 2003. 30 Oct. 2003
The study questioned 12 to 18 year-olds and followed up on them six years later.
Sexually Transmitted Disease rates for white youth who pledged to stay virgins until marriage was 2.8 percent compared with 3.5 percent for those who didn't pledge. (A .7% reduction in STDs for those who pledged)
Black youth rates were 18.1 % for those who pledged to remain celibate and 20.3 % for those who did not make the pledge. (A 2 .1% reduction in STDs for those who pledged)
For Hispanic youth 6.7% of those who pledged and 8.6% for those who did not pledge had STDs. (A 1.9% reduction in STDs for those who pledged)
One dramatic difference occurred in the rates of those who had sex. In all, 99% of the non-pledgers and 88 %of pledgers had sex before marriage. A 12% difference makes a difference in pregnancy, emotional loss, depression and rates of poverty.
Virginity pledges also delayed sexual activity and led to fewer partners both of which are positive results.
This shows the power of the pledges by themselves. It also shows that a one-time pledge alone is not enough. Those connected with the abstinence movement would agree.
Commentary
From a psychological point of view, research is clear about the power of a pledge to shape future behavior. Making a promise to do anything, good or bad, tends to promote the behavior promised. Sales personnel know this power and do everything thy can to get us to make a small, very, insignificant promise in order to get us to make larger ones. For example, telephone sales people always ask a simple question just to get you to say “Yes” to it so you will be more like to say “Yes” to their product later.
Therapists use this approach to get people to agree to positive behavior. When a client is suicidal we ask them to sign a pledge not to hurt themselves and to call if they feel like they want to. This has good results and a counselor would be unprofessional if he/she failed to do it.
Second, one pledge may be somewhat effective but not as effective as ongoing support and re-commitment to sexual discipline. Keeping young people engaged in positive support groups is critically important to their mental, emotional and sexual health.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Once a Soviet, Always a Soviet
The Moscow Times
Thursday, January 26, 2006. Page 1.
Putin: Spy Flap Justifies NGO LawBy Carl Schreck Staff Writer
President Vladimir Putin on Wednesday cited a purported British spy ring as justification for the controversial law that will tighten state control over nongovernmental organizations. But he said he had not decided whether four British diplomats accused of being spies should be expelled.
Two days after the Federal Security Service, or FSB, announced that it had uncovered a spy ring of four mid-ranking diplomats at the British Embassy and their Russian contact, Putin said that "it has now become clear to many why Russia passed a law regulating NGO activities."
So, Putin is stopping Christian Missionaries and local churches from their activities because the British EMBASSY is caught spying? Wow, what Soviet style paranoia.
Pray for Galina and her family and her ministry. Our friends Arthur and Betty Gasch are preparing to visit in a few weeks.
The Moscow Times
Thursday, January 26, 2006. Page 1.
Putin: Spy Flap Justifies NGO LawBy Carl Schreck Staff Writer
President Vladimir Putin on Wednesday cited a purported British spy ring as justification for the controversial law that will tighten state control over nongovernmental organizations. But he said he had not decided whether four British diplomats accused of being spies should be expelled.
Two days after the Federal Security Service, or FSB, announced that it had uncovered a spy ring of four mid-ranking diplomats at the British Embassy and their Russian contact, Putin said that "it has now become clear to many why Russia passed a law regulating NGO activities."
So, Putin is stopping Christian Missionaries and local churches from their activities because the British EMBASSY is caught spying? Wow, what Soviet style paranoia.
Pray for Galina and her family and her ministry. Our friends Arthur and Betty Gasch are preparing to visit in a few weeks.
The Wall Street Journal Online
Freedom's Unsung Hero
January 26, 2006; Page A10
Hong Kong's prosperity since World War II is sometimes referred to as a "miracle." But miracles require the intervention of a deity, whereas Hong Kong's remarkable economic growth between 1945 and its handover to China in 1997 owes a great deal to the nonintervention of a mortal man, John James Cowperthwaite, who died over the weekend at the age of 90.
Cowperthwaite arrived in Hong Kong in 1945 and served as Financial Secretary of the then-British colony from 1961-1971. Perhaps more than any other single figure, he was the architect and guardian of the greatest natural experiment in free-market capitalism in the postwar world. It is all the more remarkable that he kept the colonial government small and out of the business of business at a time when socialism was ascendant in Britain.
In 1997, Milton Friedman noted that since 1945 Hong Kong's GDP per capita had gone from a fraction to substantially more than that of Israel and Britain, and had caught up with that of the U.S., even as the colony's population increased tenfold. That astonishing performance became a policy beacon first to the nearby small nations of Asia (the "tigers") and eventually to Mainland China itself.
One of the better known stories about the undeservedly obscure Cowperthwaite was his refusal to collect economic statistics about Hong Kong during his tenure as Financial Secretary, lest they produce an impulse toward central planning among the bureaucrats. "I did very little," Sir John once said. "All I did was to try to prevent some of the things that might undo it." Other would-be central planners could learn a lot from what John Cowperthwaite didn't do.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Many people want to "control" the church, but I say let the capitalist approach set the pace. There is no better way to "Manage" a church than the way Cowperwaite ran Hong Kong. He let the people run themselves.
The old European approach to church leadership is dead. They always wanted central planning, central control and central bureaucracies. In the day when it took three months to get word from London to Boston and all things were moving slowly, that may not have seemd normal.
But even back in the 1700's American Christians became impatient with all that central control and began to turn the spiritual life of Americans over to every man and women. It has revolutionized the way we do church.
The First Great Revival/Awakening led to economic freedom, the Revolutionary War, freedom for women and freedom for the establishment of new churches .
The Second Revival/Awakening led to the Abolition Movement and freedom of slaves as well as more economic freedom.
Today's Revival/Awakening is leading to the sharing of not so much economic and political freedom but of spiritual freedom.
The Motto is: Let my People Grow and Go.
Freedom's Unsung Hero
January 26, 2006; Page A10
Hong Kong's prosperity since World War II is sometimes referred to as a "miracle." But miracles require the intervention of a deity, whereas Hong Kong's remarkable economic growth between 1945 and its handover to China in 1997 owes a great deal to the nonintervention of a mortal man, John James Cowperthwaite, who died over the weekend at the age of 90.
Cowperthwaite arrived in Hong Kong in 1945 and served as Financial Secretary of the then-British colony from 1961-1971. Perhaps more than any other single figure, he was the architect and guardian of the greatest natural experiment in free-market capitalism in the postwar world. It is all the more remarkable that he kept the colonial government small and out of the business of business at a time when socialism was ascendant in Britain.
In 1997, Milton Friedman noted that since 1945 Hong Kong's GDP per capita had gone from a fraction to substantially more than that of Israel and Britain, and had caught up with that of the U.S., even as the colony's population increased tenfold. That astonishing performance became a policy beacon first to the nearby small nations of Asia (the "tigers") and eventually to Mainland China itself.
One of the better known stories about the undeservedly obscure Cowperthwaite was his refusal to collect economic statistics about Hong Kong during his tenure as Financial Secretary, lest they produce an impulse toward central planning among the bureaucrats. "I did very little," Sir John once said. "All I did was to try to prevent some of the things that might undo it." Other would-be central planners could learn a lot from what John Cowperthwaite didn't do.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Many people want to "control" the church, but I say let the capitalist approach set the pace. There is no better way to "Manage" a church than the way Cowperwaite ran Hong Kong. He let the people run themselves.
The old European approach to church leadership is dead. They always wanted central planning, central control and central bureaucracies. In the day when it took three months to get word from London to Boston and all things were moving slowly, that may not have seemd normal.
But even back in the 1700's American Christians became impatient with all that central control and began to turn the spiritual life of Americans over to every man and women. It has revolutionized the way we do church.
The First Great Revival/Awakening led to economic freedom, the Revolutionary War, freedom for women and freedom for the establishment of new churches .
The Second Revival/Awakening led to the Abolition Movement and freedom of slaves as well as more economic freedom.
Today's Revival/Awakening is leading to the sharing of not so much economic and political freedom but of spiritual freedom.
The Motto is: Let my People Grow and Go.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Reactivity and Differing
The staff of the College Hill Presbyterian Church consisted of ten men and women who held various positions on such topics as healing, evangelism, church growth and pastoral care. Despite those very strong opinions for the most part we made a dynamic and effective team. How did we manage to do it?
1. We intentionally worked on developing the skills and attitudes that make good teams.
2. We did not leave team development to chance, but took time at each meeting for prayer, care and share.
3. We went on retreats for fun, prayer, hearing God and planning.
4. We committed ourselves to "Agree to disagree agreeably".
5. We all took the Myers-Briggs Temperament Type test and discussed our preferences openly and learned to respect each others' preferences.
6. We kept short accounts holding each other accountable for inappropriate behavior.
7. We studied, taught and practiced Mt. 18:15 about reconciliation one on one.
8. We agreed to keep our conversations upbuilding and not to gossip about one another outside the group.
9. We encouraged vigorous debate before a decision but all disagreements disappeared after a decision was made. The Senior Pastor was not exempt from hearing disagreement.
10. Communication about expectations was clear and open. People knew exactly what to expect.
These things kept reactivity to a minimum and we all learned how to run a healthy group.
The staff of the College Hill Presbyterian Church consisted of ten men and women who held various positions on such topics as healing, evangelism, church growth and pastoral care. Despite those very strong opinions for the most part we made a dynamic and effective team. How did we manage to do it?
1. We intentionally worked on developing the skills and attitudes that make good teams.
2. We did not leave team development to chance, but took time at each meeting for prayer, care and share.
3. We went on retreats for fun, prayer, hearing God and planning.
4. We committed ourselves to "Agree to disagree agreeably".
5. We all took the Myers-Briggs Temperament Type test and discussed our preferences openly and learned to respect each others' preferences.
6. We kept short accounts holding each other accountable for inappropriate behavior.
7. We studied, taught and practiced Mt. 18:15 about reconciliation one on one.
8. We agreed to keep our conversations upbuilding and not to gossip about one another outside the group.
9. We encouraged vigorous debate before a decision but all disagreements disappeared after a decision was made. The Senior Pastor was not exempt from hearing disagreement.
10. Communication about expectations was clear and open. People knew exactly what to expect.
These things kept reactivity to a minimum and we all learned how to run a healthy group.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Duplicity
In a Postmodern world facts do not seem to be very important, even to many Christians and some Pastors. Do you remember the scandal about Jimmy Swaggart? He was a famous TV preacher who took a very hard stand against sexual immorality, drinking and so forth. Then he was caught with a hooker in a sleazy motel. Duplicity!
As a therapist I have been trained to watch for the telltale signs of duplicity, avoidance, denial and defensiveness in people. When I heard Jimmy Swaggart vehemently preach against psychology, counseling and therapists I smelled a rat. As Will Shakespeare said, "I think he protests too much."
He was afraid of being found out.One day I was looking at a magazine advertisement for the Jimmy Swaggart Bible College and noticed a photo of text books, one of which was written by a prominent Christian psychologist. I asked a friend who worked for the college about the Freudian slip and he answered that they taught counseling and psychology at the school but Swaggart had to deny it on camera lest he lose financial supporters. Duplicity.
Many years ago the famous pastor Gordon McDonald wrote a best selling book called, Ordering your Private World. We discussed it as a staff at College Hill Pres. It was awful. He proposed a rigid, legalistic self control that had a hard edge on it. I smelled a rat.
A short-time later his mistress went public and exposed his immorality. He protested too much. He and his wife later wrote a book telling about their wonderful family life and parenting skills but failed to mention his adultery at the same time. Duplicity.
Duplicity leads to death, especially when we deceive ourselves.I can remember a bit of an old rhyme.What a web we all do weave when we do deceive.
The truth shall set you free.Has it set you free? Do you have a testimony?
In a Postmodern world facts do not seem to be very important, even to many Christians and some Pastors. Do you remember the scandal about Jimmy Swaggart? He was a famous TV preacher who took a very hard stand against sexual immorality, drinking and so forth. Then he was caught with a hooker in a sleazy motel. Duplicity!
As a therapist I have been trained to watch for the telltale signs of duplicity, avoidance, denial and defensiveness in people. When I heard Jimmy Swaggart vehemently preach against psychology, counseling and therapists I smelled a rat. As Will Shakespeare said, "I think he protests too much."
He was afraid of being found out.One day I was looking at a magazine advertisement for the Jimmy Swaggart Bible College and noticed a photo of text books, one of which was written by a prominent Christian psychologist. I asked a friend who worked for the college about the Freudian slip and he answered that they taught counseling and psychology at the school but Swaggart had to deny it on camera lest he lose financial supporters. Duplicity.
Many years ago the famous pastor Gordon McDonald wrote a best selling book called, Ordering your Private World. We discussed it as a staff at College Hill Pres. It was awful. He proposed a rigid, legalistic self control that had a hard edge on it. I smelled a rat.
A short-time later his mistress went public and exposed his immorality. He protested too much. He and his wife later wrote a book telling about their wonderful family life and parenting skills but failed to mention his adultery at the same time. Duplicity.
Duplicity leads to death, especially when we deceive ourselves.I can remember a bit of an old rhyme.What a web we all do weave when we do deceive.
The truth shall set you free.Has it set you free? Do you have a testimony?
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr: A Peaceful Presence
Rev King lived, worked and lead in one of the most turbulent and dangerous times in American history. Despite the danger to himself and his family, Dr. King was bold and unafraid to speak out about the things he believed. He seemed to recognize that he would be a martyr yet he kept on leading and speaking.
The fact that he lead by all peaceful means is indicative that he was himself a man of peace who followed the Prince of Peace. Some called for violence but Rev King always called for love, patience and turning the other cheek.
We need more like him today.
Rev King lived, worked and lead in one of the most turbulent and dangerous times in American history. Despite the danger to himself and his family, Dr. King was bold and unafraid to speak out about the things he believed. He seemed to recognize that he would be a martyr yet he kept on leading and speaking.
The fact that he lead by all peaceful means is indicative that he was himself a man of peace who followed the Prince of Peace. Some called for violence but Rev King always called for love, patience and turning the other cheek.
We need more like him today.
Peace or Anxiety
Last post I mentioned that many famous people that many consider to be leaders are very anxious and Reactive to events. This includes almost all the famous radio and TV personalities and national figures who lead organizations that attack social and spiritual problems.
But we who follow the Prince of peace are supposed to have and live in peace not anxiety.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Why is it that I see so few national leaders who have that which Jesus seemed to think was basic to knowing Him? I am not a Roman Catholic but it seems to me that several of their most famous leaders have been peaceful. One immediately thinks of Mother Teresa and Pope John-Paul, both of whom just passed away. (The RC's who read this will protest that there are plenty of Priests and Bishops who panicked when they discovered sin in their camp.)
A peaceful person is one who can enter into difficult situations with little support and still take a stand for what they believe. They are not overly worried about the press, friends or public opinion but speak up according to their own core values. Sometimes we caricature peaceful people as being weak but the opposite is true.
Mother Teresa was able to challenge leaders and make decisions even when they were unpopular. Her order bought a building in New York City to care for the poorest and sickest in the city bit they were stopped by bureaucrats who insisted they had to put in a very expensive elevator to take the religious workers up and down the floors.
Mother Teresa said that was ridiculous and her people were quite used to walking. The city rules had to be obeyed, of course, and she sold the building and left them to care for the poor. She would not be bullied. She was peaceful and knew what she believed and acted on her beliefs.
Jesus was a peaceful presence. He entered many difficult situations without getting uptight. He was not Reactive to the demands of Mary, Martha before raising Lazarus from the dead.
He refused to minister to the crowds who followed and demanded that He feed and heal them.
He acted out of His own ideas, values and goals. That is a Peaceful Presence.
In modern America an assertive leader is too often seen as a dictator, but that is wrong. We need leaders who will call a spade a spade and tell us their ideas and ideals.
Wishy washy politicians are not leaders but poll readers.
Think about Winston Churchill. He led with vigor, frankness and character. He said, I cannot lead to a vision of the future if my ear is always to the ground.
I wish I could say I am always a peaceful presence when the going gets tough. I wish I was "Cool Hand Luke" when the pressure is on; that I was unconcerned about what others think of me and how my performance is stacking up. I wish I could say I do not love accolades and hate criticism. I wish I could always take stands without worrying about people not liking me. But I am getting better.
So, I am not where I want to be but thank God I am better than I used to be.
Last post I mentioned that many famous people that many consider to be leaders are very anxious and Reactive to events. This includes almost all the famous radio and TV personalities and national figures who lead organizations that attack social and spiritual problems.
But we who follow the Prince of peace are supposed to have and live in peace not anxiety.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Why is it that I see so few national leaders who have that which Jesus seemed to think was basic to knowing Him? I am not a Roman Catholic but it seems to me that several of their most famous leaders have been peaceful. One immediately thinks of Mother Teresa and Pope John-Paul, both of whom just passed away. (The RC's who read this will protest that there are plenty of Priests and Bishops who panicked when they discovered sin in their camp.)
A peaceful person is one who can enter into difficult situations with little support and still take a stand for what they believe. They are not overly worried about the press, friends or public opinion but speak up according to their own core values. Sometimes we caricature peaceful people as being weak but the opposite is true.
Mother Teresa was able to challenge leaders and make decisions even when they were unpopular. Her order bought a building in New York City to care for the poorest and sickest in the city bit they were stopped by bureaucrats who insisted they had to put in a very expensive elevator to take the religious workers up and down the floors.
Mother Teresa said that was ridiculous and her people were quite used to walking. The city rules had to be obeyed, of course, and she sold the building and left them to care for the poor. She would not be bullied. She was peaceful and knew what she believed and acted on her beliefs.
Jesus was a peaceful presence. He entered many difficult situations without getting uptight. He was not Reactive to the demands of Mary, Martha before raising Lazarus from the dead.
He refused to minister to the crowds who followed and demanded that He feed and heal them.
He acted out of His own ideas, values and goals. That is a Peaceful Presence.
In modern America an assertive leader is too often seen as a dictator, but that is wrong. We need leaders who will call a spade a spade and tell us their ideas and ideals.
Wishy washy politicians are not leaders but poll readers.
Think about Winston Churchill. He led with vigor, frankness and character. He said, I cannot lead to a vision of the future if my ear is always to the ground.
I wish I could say I am always a peaceful presence when the going gets tough. I wish I was "Cool Hand Luke" when the pressure is on; that I was unconcerned about what others think of me and how my performance is stacking up. I wish I could say I do not love accolades and hate criticism. I wish I could always take stands without worrying about people not liking me. But I am getting better.
So, I am not where I want to be but thank God I am better than I used to be.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Judge Alito and Mental/Emotional Health
As I watched the TV news over the past few weeks I have been struck again and again by the irrational, emotional reactions to this mild mannered man. First, allow me to define REACTION as opposed to RESPONSES:
Reactivity is an extreme, automatic, emotional action based on personal values with little or nor factual demand for the actions.
Responses are a blend of emotional and thoughtful activities based on facts as well as values, convictions and personal decisions.
Groups from both ends of the political and social spectrum are highly REACTIVE about this nomination as well as that of Justice Roberts. I get e-mails almost daily from Right Wingers warning me that the end of democracy, family values and Christianity is near if the "Liberals" defeat Alito. I also get mail from the Left Wing that is so hysterical that what they portend is risible.
Pat Robertson has made himself a laughing stock to the world with his extremely volatile and irrationally Reactive statements about world leaders. He must have detached his brain from his heart before suggesting that the President of a nation should be killed.
The Left is equally overwrought. For crying out loud how they can choose as their leaders such howling hysterics I do not know. Back when I was comfortably settled in the Left Wing we fought with intellect as well as heart against injustice and for human rights. Now I can understand people who produce irrationally scary movies like Friday the 13th to make money but these folks actually believe that President Bush is Beelzebub and that he planned 911 just before he planned how to blow up the levees in New Orleans and leave all those poor Blacks stranded at the Super Dome.
A Responsive Liberal is mature enough to get facts and is reasonable enough to back up their ideas, values and feelings with information and balance. They can say, I disagree with President Bush and here is why without cursing him or accusing him of atrocities. Use your head.
A Responsive Conservative can disagree with Hillary Clinton without accusing her of being a witch or fighting her common sense comments such as, It Takes A Village to Rear A Child. Any pastor, educator or therapist knows that is true. Use your head.
When Presidential Candidate Howard Dean let loose with a high pitched scream of hope he was roundly vilified by the press both left and right. I think it was unfair to do so. When I studied the film carefully it was obvious that he was having fun. He was not angry or aggressive. However, because that scream came from a man known for his irritatingly and irresponsible comments he was seen as unstable. In other words, people considered the source.
Pat Robertson has done many great things for Christianity over the years but he is about to lose all credibility for all of us and completely destroy his legacy. From now on people can only see the screams not the substance.
Several Senators and religious leaders have made themselves look like irrational buffoons during the Alito hearings. They have been so Reactive while Alito was always completely Responsive. Who do you want making and interpreting the laws and leading American Christianity? Why are so many of the famous political and Christian leaders Reactive and get all the press?
Do we not deserve leaders who have the peace of Jesus?
As I watched the TV news over the past few weeks I have been struck again and again by the irrational, emotional reactions to this mild mannered man. First, allow me to define REACTION as opposed to RESPONSES:
Reactivity is an extreme, automatic, emotional action based on personal values with little or nor factual demand for the actions.
Responses are a blend of emotional and thoughtful activities based on facts as well as values, convictions and personal decisions.
Groups from both ends of the political and social spectrum are highly REACTIVE about this nomination as well as that of Justice Roberts. I get e-mails almost daily from Right Wingers warning me that the end of democracy, family values and Christianity is near if the "Liberals" defeat Alito. I also get mail from the Left Wing that is so hysterical that what they portend is risible.
Pat Robertson has made himself a laughing stock to the world with his extremely volatile and irrationally Reactive statements about world leaders. He must have detached his brain from his heart before suggesting that the President of a nation should be killed.
The Left is equally overwrought. For crying out loud how they can choose as their leaders such howling hysterics I do not know. Back when I was comfortably settled in the Left Wing we fought with intellect as well as heart against injustice and for human rights. Now I can understand people who produce irrationally scary movies like Friday the 13th to make money but these folks actually believe that President Bush is Beelzebub and that he planned 911 just before he planned how to blow up the levees in New Orleans and leave all those poor Blacks stranded at the Super Dome.
A Responsive Liberal is mature enough to get facts and is reasonable enough to back up their ideas, values and feelings with information and balance. They can say, I disagree with President Bush and here is why without cursing him or accusing him of atrocities. Use your head.
A Responsive Conservative can disagree with Hillary Clinton without accusing her of being a witch or fighting her common sense comments such as, It Takes A Village to Rear A Child. Any pastor, educator or therapist knows that is true. Use your head.
When Presidential Candidate Howard Dean let loose with a high pitched scream of hope he was roundly vilified by the press both left and right. I think it was unfair to do so. When I studied the film carefully it was obvious that he was having fun. He was not angry or aggressive. However, because that scream came from a man known for his irritatingly and irresponsible comments he was seen as unstable. In other words, people considered the source.
Pat Robertson has done many great things for Christianity over the years but he is about to lose all credibility for all of us and completely destroy his legacy. From now on people can only see the screams not the substance.
Several Senators and religious leaders have made themselves look like irrational buffoons during the Alito hearings. They have been so Reactive while Alito was always completely Responsive. Who do you want making and interpreting the laws and leading American Christianity? Why are so many of the famous political and Christian leaders Reactive and get all the press?
Do we not deserve leaders who have the peace of Jesus?
Friday, January 13, 2006
Mother Taught Me Many Things
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10 My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10 My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Getting the Right Person in the Right Place
Several years ago when I was working at the University of Cincinnati I was among several people who were candidates for one of the new Deanships. It was an exciting challenge to be considered and I desperately wanted to be in the chosen group. However, I hated the idea of being one of the Deans.
Now why would I want a position but hate the job? I wanted many of the things that the position offered but did not desire to do the tasks that having the position meant I would be forced to do. A Dean had to do budgets, lead and attend numerous committee meetings, sit in boring administrative meetings, play political games with the President and University Board. YUCK! I hated those things.
But I certainly was interested in having my picture on the Administrative Album and I was very interested in the title and pay scale. Man oh man I liked the sound of being called, "Dean Sweeten" and having people listen as I described my meeting with the President.
After losing out I told an old friend about my disappointment. He warmly tryed to console me. We chatted awhile and he said, "I can not imagine you in that administrative job." I agreed: "It is like I was in a bowling tournament with the prize a keg of beer. I hate beer but I would want to win the tournament anyway just so I could turn it down. It was the competition and I don't want to lose."
These days I am Coaching people who are in competition to make career decisions or take a new position. Many times they want to win but dislike the prize. No job is worth taking unless it allows us to use our gifts and talents.
In the following posts I have written about the skills and training needed to be in various positions. I see numerous churches, non-profits and companies hiring people who are unqualified by gift and passion as well as skill set to actually do the job. That is a terrible thing to do.
Many groups hire pastors, presidents and managers because they have long "experience" in the field without asking if they can really do the job. That is like selecting a flight attendant to be the pilot. Both have many miles in the air but only one can actually fly the airplane.
Several years ago when I was working at the University of Cincinnati I was among several people who were candidates for one of the new Deanships. It was an exciting challenge to be considered and I desperately wanted to be in the chosen group. However, I hated the idea of being one of the Deans.
Now why would I want a position but hate the job? I wanted many of the things that the position offered but did not desire to do the tasks that having the position meant I would be forced to do. A Dean had to do budgets, lead and attend numerous committee meetings, sit in boring administrative meetings, play political games with the President and University Board. YUCK! I hated those things.
But I certainly was interested in having my picture on the Administrative Album and I was very interested in the title and pay scale. Man oh man I liked the sound of being called, "Dean Sweeten" and having people listen as I described my meeting with the President.
After losing out I told an old friend about my disappointment. He warmly tryed to console me. We chatted awhile and he said, "I can not imagine you in that administrative job." I agreed: "It is like I was in a bowling tournament with the prize a keg of beer. I hate beer but I would want to win the tournament anyway just so I could turn it down. It was the competition and I don't want to lose."
These days I am Coaching people who are in competition to make career decisions or take a new position. Many times they want to win but dislike the prize. No job is worth taking unless it allows us to use our gifts and talents.
In the following posts I have written about the skills and training needed to be in various positions. I see numerous churches, non-profits and companies hiring people who are unqualified by gift and passion as well as skill set to actually do the job. That is a terrible thing to do.
Many groups hire pastors, presidents and managers because they have long "experience" in the field without asking if they can really do the job. That is like selecting a flight attendant to be the pilot. Both have many miles in the air but only one can actually fly the airplane.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
LEVELS OF RELATING
Level 1. Giving and Receiving Basic Instructions : Can understand and written information (one-way) communication.
Level 2. Serving others : Responding to implicit or explicit requests for action.
Level 3. Amusing : Able to divert with humor.
Level 4. Persuading : Influences others in favor of a product, service, or point of view.
At various times in my workshops students have stated with some truth that most churches and businesses want leaders with these four mmost basic skills. Many elder boards want a pastor that can 1. Take instructions, 2. Serve them, 3. Amuse the congregation and 4. Persuade people to follww him and donate time and money.
I am reminded of an old comic stip called "Li'l Abner". He was a Redneck with great looks and very poor mental abilities. This left him victim to many shysters who wanted to draw Abner into schemes where they could use his good looks to make people think he was a gifted leader. However, it always backfired because Abner just could not pull it off.
This is true of many pulpit committees and organizations. They choose the beautiful and well spoken, persuasive types with few skills of management, mentoring, coaching, leadership and influential relationships.
In the following posts you will see that the above four skills are necessary but far from sufficient. However, many graduates from seminary and business schools can do little else. Unfortunately, these four skill levels do not begin to empower a person to lead an organization.
For many years I have been training people to move on up to the higher skill levels. We are excited about helping churches, NGO's and businesses find ways to increase the skills of their key leaders. Call me to discuss how we can help you and your organization.
Post your comments and let me know what you think.
Level 1. Giving and Receiving Basic Instructions : Can understand and written information (one-way) communication.
Level 2. Serving others : Responding to implicit or explicit requests for action.
Level 3. Amusing : Able to divert with humor.
Level 4. Persuading : Influences others in favor of a product, service, or point of view.
At various times in my workshops students have stated with some truth that most churches and businesses want leaders with these four mmost basic skills. Many elder boards want a pastor that can 1. Take instructions, 2. Serve them, 3. Amuse the congregation and 4. Persuade people to follww him and donate time and money.
I am reminded of an old comic stip called "Li'l Abner". He was a Redneck with great looks and very poor mental abilities. This left him victim to many shysters who wanted to draw Abner into schemes where they could use his good looks to make people think he was a gifted leader. However, it always backfired because Abner just could not pull it off.
This is true of many pulpit committees and organizations. They choose the beautiful and well spoken, persuasive types with few skills of management, mentoring, coaching, leadership and influential relationships.
In the following posts you will see that the above four skills are necessary but far from sufficient. However, many graduates from seminary and business schools can do little else. Unfortunately, these four skill levels do not begin to empower a person to lead an organization.
For many years I have been training people to move on up to the higher skill levels. We are excited about helping churches, NGO's and businesses find ways to increase the skills of their key leaders. Call me to discuss how we can help you and your organization.
Post your comments and let me know what you think.
Basic Levels of Influence
Although many groups want a leader who can persuade and speak well in public in a one-way manner, two-way communication is much more important in leadership. Many in the national media attack the IQ of President Bush based on the perception that he is not a persuasive speaker. But that is unfair and due to gross ignorance.
In ministry as well as governmental leadership listening well to the heart and mind of others is critically important. It is also basic to the next Levels.
Level 5. Two-way communication : Can carry on a continuing exchange of information both verbally and non-verbally. Is able to accurately separate self from others and own thoughts, feelings, and actions from others’. Can accurately assess issues and problems.
Level 6. Negotiating : Exchanges ideas, information, and insight with others to develop policies, programs, contracts, or understanding. Includes conflict management, dealing with inappropriate or contradictory input, and volatile emotions.
Although many groups want a leader who can persuade and speak well in public in a one-way manner, two-way communication is much more important in leadership. Many in the national media attack the IQ of President Bush based on the perception that he is not a persuasive speaker. But that is unfair and due to gross ignorance.
In ministry as well as governmental leadership listening well to the heart and mind of others is critically important. It is also basic to the next Levels.
Level 5. Two-way communication : Can carry on a continuing exchange of information both verbally and non-verbally. Is able to accurately separate self from others and own thoughts, feelings, and actions from others’. Can accurately assess issues and problems.
Level 6. Negotiating : Exchanges ideas, information, and insight with others to develop policies, programs, contracts, or understanding. Includes conflict management, dealing with inappropriate or contradictory input, and volatile emotions.
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