A Big Question

I recently was asked to respond to this letter from a pastor.

Dear _________,

I have a tough question. What do I tell woman who was severely abused as a child when she asks where God was when she was being hurt?

I want to tell her that in the same way God was with Christ he was with her. However, it may be cold comfort to her to hear such theology.

Sincerely,

A Puzzled Pastor


Yes, good answers are too often "cold comfort" just as you say.

Dealing with ongoing abuse is very challenging. There are many instances when a Seeker's question does not require an answer. The theological "answer" to such horrible abuse would require a volume of theological discussions by many wise and biblically literate folk.Even then there would be disagreements.

However, when an abuse victim asks me where God was she doesn't want, need or require deep theology but deep listening. We do not even know how to pray as we ought and the Holy Spirit intercedes and responds to us with groans too deep for human understanding. (RO 8:26) Are you amazed that St Paul admitted even he did not know how to pray? If he was often confused and had to depend upoon the guidance of the Holy Spirit just imagine how confused we non-saints are about what to say.

Confronting the evil of abuse will often leave us silent and unable to utter anything except a cry of pain and tears for "We weep with those who weep".

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There are three kinds of prayers and personal ministry for hurting persons.

1. Seeking Prayers that admit our lack of understanding and our need for God's direction even how and what to pray. Second, it means that we are co-workers with the Spirit. We are not in charge of the ministry process. We collaborate with the Holy Spirit.

Usually a question is not a direct question but an implied question. For example, in this case I wonder if the women is asking something deeper than, "Where was God?" Perhaps she is asking, "Can I trust God now?" and "Can I trust you guys who claim to speak for God?" So, at this point I would be loath to offer any definitive theological answer. (First of all, we do not know the answer. Second, she will not accept it.Third, she will probably interrupt and say, "Yes, but...")

Many times a Seeker's question requires us to admit we do not know what to say but we will pray for wisdom and asked her to explain what she is concerned about. Listen, listen, listen for out of the overflow of the mouth the heart speaks. (Luke 6:36 ff) (Get my books Listening for Heaven's Sake and Hope and Change for
Humpty Dumpty)

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2. Speaking Prayer includes what we say to God. After getting direction we can speak about what He said but not more than that. Many times people ask me to pray for things that I will not agree to say. Will you pray for my cancer? I answer, "I will seek God's direction and then speak to Him about what I heard."

May years ago a women asked for prayer for her colon cancer. My partner,Marie Martin, as usual, prayed a Seeking Prayer first and had discernment that there was conflict with her husband. After some probing the lady cursed him and admitted unforgiveness, bitterness and hatred. Then we knew how to pray for her and could Speak to God with intelligence.

3. Soaking Prayers are required for chronic or very difficult situations. They include both Seeking and Speaking in an ongoing dialogue with God. The abused lady in question seems to need this kind of ministry. It may take teams many hours for many weeks.

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Finally, it makes no difference in pastoral ministry what we believe or what we say if it is not in accord with the Spirit's leading for that specific time and that place and that person. As a former basketball coach I learned that the best practices always prepared my team for the unpredictable events that occur on the floor. And they always did occur. So, I taught the basics of passing, defense, shooting and endurance because that is what the players need to do to win.

Personal ministry is like war or sports. The actual battles have structure and follow principles but no predictability. I hate to hear Monday morning quarterbacks say what a coach should have done when most of them have never, ever played sports or fought wars. Intuitively doing what is best in a game requires many hours of practice in cold, lonely gyms.

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Follow good principles of deep heart listening to the Spirit and to the Seeker.
Be slow to speak and quick to listen.
Do not sing happy songs to a heavy heart
Do not offer pearls of wisdom to people in pain.

Ask the Seeker what has been most helpful to her.
Ask her when God was present.
Ask her what happened.
Ask her what God said to her.
Ask if her question has already been answered.

In most cases God has already spoken and told her the answers and she wants to tell you what He said. (I have a chapter on this in Humpty)

Our faith is worthless if we refuse to conform to its insights about God's directives not ours. I believe that God has called me to be a warrior to cast down strongholds in His Name. His Kingdom is evident whenever we defeat sin, Satan and psychopathology. This is not a mechanical thing that I automatically do as a result of my superior head knowledge but of my knowing Him experientially in the midst of ministry. (I do NOT know how to pray as I ought!)

Do not rejoice that the spirits are subject to you but that you name is written in the book of life. (Luke 10:26)

Know WHO you are and solid ministry will surely follow.
Do not be concerned about WHAT to do or say. God can lead you.


gsweeten@lifewaycenters.com