How to be Holy
I think we need to speak boldly about the struggle with sin.
People talk a lot about sin in my circles. I run around with
preachers and assorted other people, mostly males, who are
paid to be Christians. Not only that, they are paid to act like
"godly" Christians. I am often confronted with the saying that
some person is a "godly man" who "loves Jesus with all his heart".
I hate to be a skeptic but I rarely believe either designation. To be perfectly honest, I never believe those appellations, titles or designations. They are too lofty, too high minded and too often said by someone who is trying to convince me of something about this particular person.
It isn't that I know all these people and have secret information about their secret home lives or saw them leave a topless bar with a beer bottle and a dancer. I do not know all about the people from first hand experience but by way of a book that told me all their sins. Peccadilloes and weaknesses. When I am preaching about this topic I sometimes tell the audience that I know all about their covetousness, problems with anger, lusts of the flesh and failures because before I arrived I snuck a look at the book written about them and saw it all in black and white.
We have all sung that Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so but how many times have we sung,
I am a sinner, kept by grace, I don't deserve to see His face.
I sin daily, just like Paul so thank you Lord for covering it all
Romans 7:14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to doÂ?this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to GodÂ?through Jesus Christ our Lord!
You will note that this most famous of all the apostles did not call himself a "godly man" who "loved Jesus with all his heart and soul" but a wretched man without hope in himself. If Paul found it impossible to brag about himself how dare we brag about those godly men and women. Take care lest we put humans above Jesus.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Ministry of Good News to People in Crises
Many of you know that a few of us from Life Way Counseling Center had the opportunity to minister at Ground Zero two weeks following 911. Jerry Kelly, MD, our Medical Director and Steve Griebling had the shift from 1:00 PM til 1:00 AM and Carla Faison and I took over for the next twelve hours. It was a great privilege to hear the stories of pain, trauma and loss from those big, strong Irish Fire Fighters and Cops.
We learned a lot and we have been able to share our insights with several groups over the past four years. One group is the Red Cross of Singapore. Log onto their web and see a photo of this fine group.
http://www.redcross.org.sg/publication/rcnews_dec2003/2j.html
Steve and I were amazed to discover that many Red Cross groups around the world focus almost exclusively on the physical and health care issues following a traumatic event. They were not, as a rule, sending teams who listened to the victims or who were prepared to minister to their emotional, spiritual and relational needs.
We were able to show them how ministry to the whole person was critically important and they have added that to their program. The Director and his assistant have both attended our Christ based workshops in Singapore and decided to develop a training program for professionals and volunteers. Steve and I were able to witness to over 100 men and women about why we minister to hurting people.
This is another way Life Way Ministries touches people with the love of Christ around the world. We take Servant Evangelism to an entirely new and deeper level. Passing out Cokes is great but Passing on the good news about healing broken hearted and setting the captives free is inspiring the Red Cross to integrate emotional and spiritual issues into their programs.
Many of you know that a few of us from Life Way Counseling Center had the opportunity to minister at Ground Zero two weeks following 911. Jerry Kelly, MD, our Medical Director and Steve Griebling had the shift from 1:00 PM til 1:00 AM and Carla Faison and I took over for the next twelve hours. It was a great privilege to hear the stories of pain, trauma and loss from those big, strong Irish Fire Fighters and Cops.
We learned a lot and we have been able to share our insights with several groups over the past four years. One group is the Red Cross of Singapore. Log onto their web and see a photo of this fine group.
http://www.redcross.org.sg/publication/rcnews_dec2003/2j.html
Steve and I were amazed to discover that many Red Cross groups around the world focus almost exclusively on the physical and health care issues following a traumatic event. They were not, as a rule, sending teams who listened to the victims or who were prepared to minister to their emotional, spiritual and relational needs.
We were able to show them how ministry to the whole person was critically important and they have added that to their program. The Director and his assistant have both attended our Christ based workshops in Singapore and decided to develop a training program for professionals and volunteers. Steve and I were able to witness to over 100 men and women about why we minister to hurting people.
This is another way Life Way Ministries touches people with the love of Christ around the world. We take Servant Evangelism to an entirely new and deeper level. Passing out Cokes is great but Passing on the good news about healing broken hearted and setting the captives free is inspiring the Red Cross to integrate emotional and spiritual issues into their programs.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Muslims, Newsweek and Lemonade
Newsweek Magazine was given to me for a year by my son and daughter in law. Many times I appreciated the news stories but I resented the way Newsweek so often allowed their left wing radical agenda invade that which is supposed to be the news.
The editors and very famous writers recently tried to outdo Dan Rather and published a story saying that some guards at Gitmo prison had intentionally shamed Islam by desecration the Koran. They later said the story was untrue but, although it was a lie, they did nothing wrong and the Bush administration is doing all these bad things and really deserved the bad press anyway. Too bad that 16 people had to die to advance their agenda.
But now we see many Muslims responding to the affair by criticizing not Bush or America but the radical Muslims who ban the Bible and persecute Christians and Jews. These folks are praising not the Muslims but Christians and Jews in America for promoting reading the Koran in schools, museums and libraries. Newsweek tried to throw a lemon at America and God is making it into lemonade.
When we pray God will take these attacks and make them into praise. We need not worry or fret about the distortions of the press. God will always raise up a defense.
I strongly urge you to read this article by a leading Muslim.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/
He points out thatin Saudia Arabia, although the Bible is a Holy Book in Islam it is regularly burned and taken away from Christians who work there. In America the Koran is honored.
Newsweek Magazine was given to me for a year by my son and daughter in law. Many times I appreciated the news stories but I resented the way Newsweek so often allowed their left wing radical agenda invade that which is supposed to be the news.
The editors and very famous writers recently tried to outdo Dan Rather and published a story saying that some guards at Gitmo prison had intentionally shamed Islam by desecration the Koran. They later said the story was untrue but, although it was a lie, they did nothing wrong and the Bush administration is doing all these bad things and really deserved the bad press anyway. Too bad that 16 people had to die to advance their agenda.
But now we see many Muslims responding to the affair by criticizing not Bush or America but the radical Muslims who ban the Bible and persecute Christians and Jews. These folks are praising not the Muslims but Christians and Jews in America for promoting reading the Koran in schools, museums and libraries. Newsweek tried to throw a lemon at America and God is making it into lemonade.
When we pray God will take these attacks and make them into praise. We need not worry or fret about the distortions of the press. God will always raise up a defense.
I strongly urge you to read this article by a leading Muslim.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/
He points out thatin Saudia Arabia, although the Bible is a Holy Book in Islam it is regularly burned and taken away from Christians who work there. In America the Koran is honored.
College CampusSex Life
Anyone listening and reading knows that sexual "hook-ups" are rampant on college campuses. These quick, one night encounters have replaced the traditional "goign steady" sex that dominated relationships in the past few years. Now kids do not even want to know the person they are having sex with. Anonymity is in!
But, according to many who study this kind of thing, the students, especially girls, are fed up and disgusted by the whole thing but embarrassed to admit they are not doing it.
Many of these kids are religious and Christian but still engage in sexual hook-ups. These young people are especially guilt ridden and overwhelmed but frustrated about how to stop. Read this story in the Wall Street Journal for a better understanding of what is happening.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/taste/?id=110006716
Pray daily for the campus ministries that try valiantly to reach our kids.
Anyone listening and reading knows that sexual "hook-ups" are rampant on college campuses. These quick, one night encounters have replaced the traditional "goign steady" sex that dominated relationships in the past few years. Now kids do not even want to know the person they are having sex with. Anonymity is in!
But, according to many who study this kind of thing, the students, especially girls, are fed up and disgusted by the whole thing but embarrassed to admit they are not doing it.
Many of these kids are religious and Christian but still engage in sexual hook-ups. These young people are especially guilt ridden and overwhelmed but frustrated about how to stop. Read this story in the Wall Street Journal for a better understanding of what is happening.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/taste/?id=110006716
Pray daily for the campus ministries that try valiantly to reach our kids.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Abolition and Christianity
It is not well recognized by many today that the urgency felt by manyAbolitionists came from their fervent Christianity. James McPherason has written several famous books about the Civil War era and speaks about the motivation of many young Union soldiers.
Ferris: Now, the soldiers who fought in the Civil War were very religious. What role did religion play in their daily lives and on the battlefield?
McPherson: Civil War soldiers were a product of what has been called the second Great Awakening in American religious history, that wave of evangelical Protestant revivalism in the early part of the nineteenth century.
I think most Civil War soldiers were quite literal in their Christian beliefs. Many of them would say in their letters that they had put their fate in God's hands. They were religious fatalists on the battlefield. They would write home and say, "I'm under God's protection whether I'm on the battlefield or at home in front of my fireside, and if it is His will to take me home to his bosom, He can do that as easily at home by my fireside as He can on the field of battle."
I think this kind of fatalism and this sense that God's will would determine their fate, rather than their own will, made them better soldiers. They were willing to put their fate in the hands of God, willing to go forward in time of battle, whatever happened.
I found in looking at their letters that many of them held a literal belief in salvation, in a life after death, that this life here on earth is merely a preliminary to eternal life and to a much better life after the death of the physical corporeal body.
Many of them said that they were unafraid of death because death was not the end of everything, and they looked forward, if they died on the battlefield, to being reunited with their loved ones in a future life. I think that made them much more willing to face the possibility of their physical death.
Pray for a revival of conscience equal to that of the Union soldiers.
It is not well recognized by many today that the urgency felt by manyAbolitionists came from their fervent Christianity. James McPherason has written several famous books about the Civil War era and speaks about the motivation of many young Union soldiers.
Ferris: Now, the soldiers who fought in the Civil War were very religious. What role did religion play in their daily lives and on the battlefield?
McPherson: Civil War soldiers were a product of what has been called the second Great Awakening in American religious history, that wave of evangelical Protestant revivalism in the early part of the nineteenth century.
I think most Civil War soldiers were quite literal in their Christian beliefs. Many of them would say in their letters that they had put their fate in God's hands. They were religious fatalists on the battlefield. They would write home and say, "I'm under God's protection whether I'm on the battlefield or at home in front of my fireside, and if it is His will to take me home to his bosom, He can do that as easily at home by my fireside as He can on the field of battle."
I think this kind of fatalism and this sense that God's will would determine their fate, rather than their own will, made them better soldiers. They were willing to put their fate in the hands of God, willing to go forward in time of battle, whatever happened.
I found in looking at their letters that many of them held a literal belief in salvation, in a life after death, that this life here on earth is merely a preliminary to eternal life and to a much better life after the death of the physical corporeal body.
Many of them said that they were unafraid of death because death was not the end of everything, and they looked forward, if they died on the battlefield, to being reunited with their loved ones in a future life. I think that made them much more willing to face the possibility of their physical death.
Pray for a revival of conscience equal to that of the Union soldiers.
Religious Attendance and Survival
Good news for those who attend church: We will live longer than if we did not worship.
Objective & Design:The purpose of the study was to examine religious attendance as a predictor of survival in older adults. A probability sample of 3,968 community-dwelling adults aged 64-101 years residing in the Piedmont of North Carolina was surveyed in 1986 as part of the Established Populations for the Epidemiologic Studies of the Elderly (EPESE) program of the National Institutes of Health.
Attendance at religious services and a wide variety of socio demographic and health variables were assessed at baseline. Vital status of members was then determined prospectively over the next six years (1986-1992). Time (days) to death or censoring in days was analyzed using a Cox proportional hazards regression model.
Findings:During a median 6.3-year follow-up period, 1,777 subjects (29.7%) died.
Of the subjects who attended religious services once a week or more in 1986 (frequent attenders), 22.9% died 37.4% of those attending services less than once a week (infrequent attenders).
The relative hazard (RH) of dying for frequent attenders was 46% less than for infrequent attenders (RH 0.54, 95% CI 0.48-0.61),
· strongest in women but also present in men
equivalent to wearing vs. not wearing seat belts in auto accidents.
· equivalent to that of not smoking cigarettes vs. smoking.
When demographics, health conditions, social connections, and health practices were controlled, this effect remained significant for the entire sample for both women and men.
Investigators concluded that older adults, particularly women, who attend religious services at least once a week appear to have a survival advantage over those attending services less frequently.
For more information, contact Harold G. Koenig koenig@geri.duke.edu
Good news for those who attend church: We will live longer than if we did not worship.
Objective & Design:The purpose of the study was to examine religious attendance as a predictor of survival in older adults. A probability sample of 3,968 community-dwelling adults aged 64-101 years residing in the Piedmont of North Carolina was surveyed in 1986 as part of the Established Populations for the Epidemiologic Studies of the Elderly (EPESE) program of the National Institutes of Health.
Attendance at religious services and a wide variety of socio demographic and health variables were assessed at baseline. Vital status of members was then determined prospectively over the next six years (1986-1992). Time (days) to death or censoring in days was analyzed using a Cox proportional hazards regression model.
Findings:During a median 6.3-year follow-up period, 1,777 subjects (29.7%) died.
Of the subjects who attended religious services once a week or more in 1986 (frequent attenders), 22.9% died 37.4% of those attending services less than once a week (infrequent attenders).
The relative hazard (RH) of dying for frequent attenders was 46% less than for infrequent attenders (RH 0.54, 95% CI 0.48-0.61),
· strongest in women but also present in men
equivalent to wearing vs. not wearing seat belts in auto accidents.
· equivalent to that of not smoking cigarettes vs. smoking.
When demographics, health conditions, social connections, and health practices were controlled, this effect remained significant for the entire sample for both women and men.
Investigators concluded that older adults, particularly women, who attend religious services at least once a week appear to have a survival advantage over those attending services less frequently.
For more information, contact Harold G. Koenig koenig@geri.duke.edu
Monday, May 16, 2005
Famous Christian Marriages
A few years ago I bought a book by William Petersen titled, 25 Surprising Marriages: Faith Building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians, by Baker Books, 1997. I strongly urge you to purchase the book and read it carefully. Bill Petersen is a great writer and makes each of their histories sound like a novel.
I was shocked to read some of the historical facts about Billy and Ruth Graham, Martin and Katie Luther, John and Idelette Calvin.
John and Molly Wesley, (Whose chapter is entitled "Love is Rot") had a terrible time. He married her on the rebound from a woman who was talked out of marrying him by his famous song writing brother and other friends who thought they had to "save him" from a lower class wife. Despite John's theology of perfection and living above sin he was put to the test many times by the conflicts and troubles of his marriage. John Wesley travelled so much that he essentially left her for the ministry.
These and other stories are not only well written they all take the glow of perfection off the private lives of famous men and the women who tried to live with them and rear their children. Many of them had difficult marriages and some survived only because they stayed apart. Facing the reality about the marriages of "spiritual giants" can help us face the challenges of our own family life with pluck and patience instead of false guilt and shame.
For the past 30 years I have worked to strengthen families. One of the first things I did at College Hill Presbyterian was start a Pre-Marital class for all those getting married. The next classes were, "Parenting Skills" and "Couple Communication". I was motivated by several things. My own marital an family struggles and the recognition that I was poorly prepared for marriage and parenting. I finally understood the comment by that famous philosopher, Pogo the Possum whs said: I have met the enemy and it isme.
I was also motivated by the children and youth whose parents wanted to do the best thing but were not sure how to discipline, nurture, encourage or bless. I came to believe that the key to successful parenting is a successful marriage and a key to a successful marriage is successfully relating to our family of origin. Honoring our parents is foundational to honoring a spouse and getting our kids to honor us. Leaving mother and father emotionally is foundational to cleaving to a spouse and then launching our own kids successfully.
Otherwise we will look to each other and our kids to meet our needs. My wife cannot meet the needs my mother failed to meet. My kids will not make me happy or satisfied or fulfilled. Those books and articles that tell you otherwise are promoting idolatry about a fantasy. "His needs and her needs" can only be fulfilled by God and ourselves.
Marriage is tough. It requires a lot of hard work and spiritual maturity to be happy for living with another human being is as different from me as the sun and the moon requires love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.
Read Bill Petersen's good book and discover with mercy for yourselves that even the most "spiritually famous" among us have struggled with marriage and family life.
A few years ago I bought a book by William Petersen titled, 25 Surprising Marriages: Faith Building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians, by Baker Books, 1997. I strongly urge you to purchase the book and read it carefully. Bill Petersen is a great writer and makes each of their histories sound like a novel.
I was shocked to read some of the historical facts about Billy and Ruth Graham, Martin and Katie Luther, John and Idelette Calvin.
John and Molly Wesley, (Whose chapter is entitled "Love is Rot") had a terrible time. He married her on the rebound from a woman who was talked out of marrying him by his famous song writing brother and other friends who thought they had to "save him" from a lower class wife. Despite John's theology of perfection and living above sin he was put to the test many times by the conflicts and troubles of his marriage. John Wesley travelled so much that he essentially left her for the ministry.
These and other stories are not only well written they all take the glow of perfection off the private lives of famous men and the women who tried to live with them and rear their children. Many of them had difficult marriages and some survived only because they stayed apart. Facing the reality about the marriages of "spiritual giants" can help us face the challenges of our own family life with pluck and patience instead of false guilt and shame.
For the past 30 years I have worked to strengthen families. One of the first things I did at College Hill Presbyterian was start a Pre-Marital class for all those getting married. The next classes were, "Parenting Skills" and "Couple Communication". I was motivated by several things. My own marital an family struggles and the recognition that I was poorly prepared for marriage and parenting. I finally understood the comment by that famous philosopher, Pogo the Possum whs said: I have met the enemy and it isme.
I was also motivated by the children and youth whose parents wanted to do the best thing but were not sure how to discipline, nurture, encourage or bless. I came to believe that the key to successful parenting is a successful marriage and a key to a successful marriage is successfully relating to our family of origin. Honoring our parents is foundational to honoring a spouse and getting our kids to honor us. Leaving mother and father emotionally is foundational to cleaving to a spouse and then launching our own kids successfully.
Otherwise we will look to each other and our kids to meet our needs. My wife cannot meet the needs my mother failed to meet. My kids will not make me happy or satisfied or fulfilled. Those books and articles that tell you otherwise are promoting idolatry about a fantasy. "His needs and her needs" can only be fulfilled by God and ourselves.
Marriage is tough. It requires a lot of hard work and spiritual maturity to be happy for living with another human being is as different from me as the sun and the moon requires love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.
Read Bill Petersen's good book and discover with mercy for yourselves that even the most "spiritually famous" among us have struggled with marriage and family life.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Generational Research
Until a few years ago i knew next to nothing about my ancestors and did not see why I should. Now I am of a far different mind set. I am learning more about myself every time I learn about my dad, mom and their parents, aunts and uncles and so on.
Those of you who have living parents need to take a tape recorder and interview them for several hours about their past memories. Ask about the big events, stories, secrets, honors and myths. Also ask how they felt when there was a baby born out of wedlock or an uncle with alcoholism.
Ask about names and titles. Honors, traditions and schooling as well as shameful and illegal activities.
What kinds of changes happened before a marriage or after a death. For example, John Wesley was madly in love with a woman who served as his right hand assistant. She was a wonderful organizer, a good teacher and was able to lead his entire women's ministry. Just before they married, John's brother Charles and others met with his intended bride and talked her out of the marriage and into another marriage.
They rationalized that it was best for John's ministry but it caused enormous grief to John and he met and married a well to do widow a short time later. It was a very unhappy union and they led separated lives for many years.
My grandfather took to his sick bed the day after my younger brother was born and mother was no longer able to care for him. Are these "coincidences" or more than that?
Be a curious detective and, like Sherlock Holmes, ask many good questions and write the answers down.
Until a few years ago i knew next to nothing about my ancestors and did not see why I should. Now I am of a far different mind set. I am learning more about myself every time I learn about my dad, mom and their parents, aunts and uncles and so on.
Those of you who have living parents need to take a tape recorder and interview them for several hours about their past memories. Ask about the big events, stories, secrets, honors and myths. Also ask how they felt when there was a baby born out of wedlock or an uncle with alcoholism.
Ask about names and titles. Honors, traditions and schooling as well as shameful and illegal activities.
What kinds of changes happened before a marriage or after a death. For example, John Wesley was madly in love with a woman who served as his right hand assistant. She was a wonderful organizer, a good teacher and was able to lead his entire women's ministry. Just before they married, John's brother Charles and others met with his intended bride and talked her out of the marriage and into another marriage.
They rationalized that it was best for John's ministry but it caused enormous grief to John and he met and married a well to do widow a short time later. It was a very unhappy union and they led separated lives for many years.
My grandfather took to his sick bed the day after my younger brother was born and mother was no longer able to care for him. Are these "coincidences" or more than that?
Be a curious detective and, like Sherlock Holmes, ask many good questions and write the answers down.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
How Do Patterns Go From Generaion to Generation?
I do not know but take a look at this generational pattern of names from a member of our group.
A HARROWING STORY ABOUT NAMES
HARRY – MEDIEVAL FORM OF THE NAME - HENRY
Long ago, my great grandfather, HARRY, met and wed a girl named MARY.
They had a son whom they named HARRY.
HARRY the 2nd grew up and also married a girl named MARY.
MARY’S father’s name was HENRY.
Time passed, and HARRY and MARY had a son.
They named him HARRY.
HARRY the 3rd grew up, and married.
He also had a son whom he named HARRY.
HARRY the 4th grew up and married a girl named MARY.
But it doesn’t stop here.
HARRY the 3rd also had a sister.
She grew up and married a man whose parents names were…...
You guessed it…… HARRY and MARY.
So, my Paternal Great-Grandparents were named HARRY and MARY.
My Paternal Grandparents were also named HARRY and MARY.
My Maternal Great-Grandfather’s name was HENRY from which HARRY is derived.
My Maternal Grandparents were named HARRY and MARY.
My uncle’s name was HARRY.
My 1st cousin’s name was HARRY and his wife’s name was MARY.
My oldest brother’s middle name was HENRY.
Oh yes, and my middle name is MARY.
How did that happen???
I do not know but take a look at this generational pattern of names from a member of our group.
A HARROWING STORY ABOUT NAMES
HARRY – MEDIEVAL FORM OF THE NAME - HENRY
Long ago, my great grandfather, HARRY, met and wed a girl named MARY.
They had a son whom they named HARRY.
HARRY the 2nd grew up and also married a girl named MARY.
MARY’S father’s name was HENRY.
Time passed, and HARRY and MARY had a son.
They named him HARRY.
HARRY the 3rd grew up, and married.
He also had a son whom he named HARRY.
HARRY the 4th grew up and married a girl named MARY.
But it doesn’t stop here.
HARRY the 3rd also had a sister.
She grew up and married a man whose parents names were…...
You guessed it…… HARRY and MARY.
So, my Paternal Great-Grandparents were named HARRY and MARY.
My Paternal Grandparents were also named HARRY and MARY.
My Maternal Great-Grandfather’s name was HENRY from which HARRY is derived.
My Maternal Grandparents were named HARRY and MARY.
My uncle’s name was HARRY.
My 1st cousin’s name was HARRY and his wife’s name was MARY.
My oldest brother’s middle name was HENRY.
Oh yes, and my middle name is MARY.
How did that happen???
Save Me Oh Lord and I Shall Be Saved
Heal Me Oh Lord and I Shall Be Healed
Deliver Me Oh Lord and I Shall be Delivered
Today I was reading some notes I took many years ago about my family's emotional and spiritual timeline. In it I wrote some of the major nodal events, both traumatic and celebratory as ways to understanding my own generational history. For example, I put in the dates of my great grandfather's birth, his marriage and his conversion as well as the years he was filled with the Holy Spirit and when he was called into ministry. These are all good things.
I also included some events that can be considered traumatic or painful. These may have a crippling influence or make the family stronger. It is not the depth of the wound that counts but the response of the victim that matters for the long term.
This brings me to a couple of events that fit into the compulsive pattern of unsuccessfully trying to impress my family. I read this entry and shuddered in recognition.
Gary Ray Sweeten graduated from the Ina, Illinois Elementary School in 1952 with all As for every subject for the Eight years of schooling. He was selected as the Valedictorian but failed to deliver his speech when the Principal forgot to introduce him.
Gary had no suitable clothes to wear to the graduation and his parents could not afford to buy him any. His mother borrowed a nice suit from the parents of Clinton Noren who had graduated two years earlier.
While coming up the stairs of the Free Will Baptist Church where the ceremonies were held Gary stumbled and fell, embarrassing himself deeply.
Anxiously trying to save myself was a total failure then and now.
Heal Me Oh Lord and I Shall Be Healed
Deliver Me Oh Lord and I Shall be Delivered
Today I was reading some notes I took many years ago about my family's emotional and spiritual timeline. In it I wrote some of the major nodal events, both traumatic and celebratory as ways to understanding my own generational history. For example, I put in the dates of my great grandfather's birth, his marriage and his conversion as well as the years he was filled with the Holy Spirit and when he was called into ministry. These are all good things.
I also included some events that can be considered traumatic or painful. These may have a crippling influence or make the family stronger. It is not the depth of the wound that counts but the response of the victim that matters for the long term.
This brings me to a couple of events that fit into the compulsive pattern of unsuccessfully trying to impress my family. I read this entry and shuddered in recognition.
Gary Ray Sweeten graduated from the Ina, Illinois Elementary School in 1952 with all As for every subject for the Eight years of schooling. He was selected as the Valedictorian but failed to deliver his speech when the Principal forgot to introduce him.
Gary had no suitable clothes to wear to the graduation and his parents could not afford to buy him any. His mother borrowed a nice suit from the parents of Clinton Noren who had graduated two years earlier.
While coming up the stairs of the Free Will Baptist Church where the ceremonies were held Gary stumbled and fell, embarrassing himself deeply.
Anxiously trying to save myself was a total failure then and now.
Generational Leadership
For the past few weeks a small group of us have been meeting at Life Way Counseling Centers to discuss how our family of origin influences our approach to ministry. It is an entirely new way to look at pastoral and ministry leadership. It connects our ministry calling to that of our parents and siblings as well as former generations. http://www.lifewaycenters.com/
I have led such groups many times and I am always learning more and more about myself. When I hear the fascinating stories about other people I have a window into my own family and I can see more clearly the things that continue to hang onto me from the past.
For a long time I have knowingly struggled with the need to impress others with my knowledge and accomplishments. I have always tried to impress my family in order to get their approval. It has not worked, of course, for that is not the way God works. If we try to save our life we will lose it. Only when we lose our life in Christ will we save it.
Although I am not unique in that regard, it is a compulsive trait that I want to stop but I, like Paul in Romans 7, "Know what is right but I cannot do it." I need deliverance!!!
A few years ago I discovered one of the antecedents of my compulsions and somewhat successfully prayed that God would heal me. I am happy to report that I experienced substantial healing but not total healing. Such is life and I am still seeking God's full deliverance.
Here is what happened then. I worked very hard to get a Masters and Doctorate and placed them like precious jewels before my parents and elder brother in order to get affirmation and accolades. It failed, of course for I was seeking to save myself.
Later I wrote several books and sent each one to my family hoping against hope that they would read them and say nice things about me and how well I was doing. It never happened. About 15 years ago I was teaching a group at Fuller Seminary and my elder brother came to pick me up at LAX Airport. Before long he asked in a hurt tone why I had never sent him any of my books so he could read them. (My response was total shock. I desperately wanted him to read them and I mentioned them at every possible opportunity.)
I said something like, "I did send them to you but you have forgotten."
Maury lectured me about how I left him out of his life. (I was thankfully non-defensive for God had healed me of wanting to please him.)
Upon arrival at his home, Maury said to his wife Angela and my classmate in high school, "Gabe (My Nick name) says he sent us copies of his books but he didn't." Angela replied, "Oh yes he did. They are in the den." Upon hearing this I went to that bookcase and retrieved them for Maury to see. He was a total amnesiac about ever seeing them before.
Here is the principle: If we try to save our life we lose it. It was my compulsive demand for Maury to affirm me that blinded his eyes. Angela could see my books because she had no investment in the generational family dysfunction. For many years I tried to change Maury and failed; miserably. It finally occurred to ask Jesus to change------ ME!
Are there any areas where you cannot see that which is in front of you?
Are there areas where you desperately want affirmation to but cannot get it to "save your life"?
Is there any pattern of compulsive behavior in your life that is associated with generational issues?
Today I read some family history that reveals more about the consequences of trying to save myself. I will tell that story in the next post.
For the past few weeks a small group of us have been meeting at Life Way Counseling Centers to discuss how our family of origin influences our approach to ministry. It is an entirely new way to look at pastoral and ministry leadership. It connects our ministry calling to that of our parents and siblings as well as former generations. http://www.lifewaycenters.com/
I have led such groups many times and I am always learning more and more about myself. When I hear the fascinating stories about other people I have a window into my own family and I can see more clearly the things that continue to hang onto me from the past.
For a long time I have knowingly struggled with the need to impress others with my knowledge and accomplishments. I have always tried to impress my family in order to get their approval. It has not worked, of course, for that is not the way God works. If we try to save our life we will lose it. Only when we lose our life in Christ will we save it.
Although I am not unique in that regard, it is a compulsive trait that I want to stop but I, like Paul in Romans 7, "Know what is right but I cannot do it." I need deliverance!!!
A few years ago I discovered one of the antecedents of my compulsions and somewhat successfully prayed that God would heal me. I am happy to report that I experienced substantial healing but not total healing. Such is life and I am still seeking God's full deliverance.
Here is what happened then. I worked very hard to get a Masters and Doctorate and placed them like precious jewels before my parents and elder brother in order to get affirmation and accolades. It failed, of course for I was seeking to save myself.
Later I wrote several books and sent each one to my family hoping against hope that they would read them and say nice things about me and how well I was doing. It never happened. About 15 years ago I was teaching a group at Fuller Seminary and my elder brother came to pick me up at LAX Airport. Before long he asked in a hurt tone why I had never sent him any of my books so he could read them. (My response was total shock. I desperately wanted him to read them and I mentioned them at every possible opportunity.)
I said something like, "I did send them to you but you have forgotten."
Maury lectured me about how I left him out of his life. (I was thankfully non-defensive for God had healed me of wanting to please him.)
Upon arrival at his home, Maury said to his wife Angela and my classmate in high school, "Gabe (My Nick name) says he sent us copies of his books but he didn't." Angela replied, "Oh yes he did. They are in the den." Upon hearing this I went to that bookcase and retrieved them for Maury to see. He was a total amnesiac about ever seeing them before.
Here is the principle: If we try to save our life we lose it. It was my compulsive demand for Maury to affirm me that blinded his eyes. Angela could see my books because she had no investment in the generational family dysfunction. For many years I tried to change Maury and failed; miserably. It finally occurred to ask Jesus to change------ ME!
Are there any areas where you cannot see that which is in front of you?
Are there areas where you desperately want affirmation to but cannot get it to "save your life"?
Is there any pattern of compulsive behavior in your life that is associated with generational issues?
Today I read some family history that reveals more about the consequences of trying to save myself. I will tell that story in the next post.
Another Blog
I recently read the blog of Russel Smith, Pastor of Covenant First Presbyterian Church in downtown Cincinnati. It is one of the most historic churches in the region and Russ is a great writer and communicator of the gospel as applied in the current culture. If you are looking for an unusual and cutting edge church try Covenant.
He reported on the talk at the Cincinnati Presbytery and asked for comments. I gave him some and hope you will go to his blog and see what the fuss is all about.
http://www.russellsmusings.blogspot.com/
I recently read the blog of Russel Smith, Pastor of Covenant First Presbyterian Church in downtown Cincinnati. It is one of the most historic churches in the region and Russ is a great writer and communicator of the gospel as applied in the current culture. If you are looking for an unusual and cutting edge church try Covenant.
He reported on the talk at the Cincinnati Presbytery and asked for comments. I gave him some and hope you will go to his blog and see what the fuss is all about.
http://www.russellsmusings.blogspot.com/
Another country Heard From
I received an e mail today from Australia. It is not unusual to receive e mails from friends in foreign countries but this one thrilled me because of the connections of the sender and myself. I imagine you have heard about the concept of, Six Degrees of Separation.
Milgram in the late 60s performed his famous six-degrees-of-separation experiment. The popular understanding of Milgram's experiment is that anyone can be linked to anyone else on Earth through only six links. In fact, Milgram discovered:
Three Links of Separation: Some people have such good links that they can get to someone far away with only three links.
100 Links of Separation: Others require up to a hundred links to reach someone else. This also means all of the people within those hundred links were also poorly linked.
No Links: Milgram also found that many people have such poor links that they can't establish a connection to distant others. Many people are isolated into small islands. They are cut off from the rest of society.
In the late 60s, Granovetter, a sociologist now at Stanford, studied how people found jobs. Until then, it was generally assumed that society was homogeneous. Granovetter discovered that society is made up of groups of people, which is now known as clustering. Granovetter showed that weak contacts were twice as effective (28%) as strong contacts (17%) for finding a job. Casual connections were more likely to lead to a job. If you try to contact only those people who are your close friends they only know about job openings that you have already heard about. You need new contacts.
http://www.andreas.com/faq-barabasi.html
This also applies to missionary activities and touching the world for Christ. The e mail I received this morning indicates that I am connected to thousands of people around the globe. I have a lot of "weak" or short term connections to many, many people. The letter came from a minister and owner of a Christian bookstore owner in Australia who asked about the Apples of Gold materials I wrote many years ago.
The author's name is Martin Levine from the Kentigern Resource Centre in Australia. He took the Apples of Gold classes in South Africa. I have never been in South Africa nor Australia yet Mr. Levine knows me from classes he took from another man. He also wants to carry the materials in his bookstore. How could that occur? I have three direct contacts in South Africa.
Two ladies from SA came to one of our very first LIFE Seminars in 1979 or 80 and went back home to train their own people. One of their pastoral contacts was Kinglsley Dale, a Methodist who came to the USA and studied with us at College Hill Presbyterian. He returned to train numerous lay and pastoral leaders.
Larry and Ellen Chrouch along with Karen and myself taught our classes in Hawaii for YWAM. Larry and Ellen were invited to teach in the YWAM South Africa Counseling Schools several times and YWAM still uses our material in their schools.
I think Mr. Levine and I are connected by only three links. Even though he is in Australia he came to know us through Rev Dale in South Africa. Gary to Kingsley to Martin.
NOTE: An e mail last week to congratulate me on another birthday contained a similar connection. Peder Paulsen from Denmark wrote to offer his blessings for our friendship on my 67th natal day. He mentioned that he had just returned from the Faroe Islands near Scotland where he taught Rational Christian Thinking. Thus, our ministry has expanded into a new region with just two degrees of separation.
The 16 years I spent at CHPC set me up to have influence all around the world. God chose CHPC to be an instrument of His international missionary enterprise. He alone established the contacts. I have warm, caring contacts on every continent. They are not strong contacts that require a lot of maintaining but all are mutually supportive and helpful.
If you want to grow a church or a ministry you will need to develop hundreds of "weak" connections. Become interested in everyone and anyone regardless of how they can help you and your ministry. As the master teacher said, Give and it shall be given unto you...
I received an e mail today from Australia. It is not unusual to receive e mails from friends in foreign countries but this one thrilled me because of the connections of the sender and myself. I imagine you have heard about the concept of, Six Degrees of Separation.
Milgram in the late 60s performed his famous six-degrees-of-separation experiment. The popular understanding of Milgram's experiment is that anyone can be linked to anyone else on Earth through only six links. In fact, Milgram discovered:
Three Links of Separation: Some people have such good links that they can get to someone far away with only three links.
100 Links of Separation: Others require up to a hundred links to reach someone else. This also means all of the people within those hundred links were also poorly linked.
No Links: Milgram also found that many people have such poor links that they can't establish a connection to distant others. Many people are isolated into small islands. They are cut off from the rest of society.
In the late 60s, Granovetter, a sociologist now at Stanford, studied how people found jobs. Until then, it was generally assumed that society was homogeneous. Granovetter discovered that society is made up of groups of people, which is now known as clustering. Granovetter showed that weak contacts were twice as effective (28%) as strong contacts (17%) for finding a job. Casual connections were more likely to lead to a job. If you try to contact only those people who are your close friends they only know about job openings that you have already heard about. You need new contacts.
http://www.andreas.com/faq-barabasi.html
This also applies to missionary activities and touching the world for Christ. The e mail I received this morning indicates that I am connected to thousands of people around the globe. I have a lot of "weak" or short term connections to many, many people. The letter came from a minister and owner of a Christian bookstore owner in Australia who asked about the Apples of Gold materials I wrote many years ago.
The author's name is Martin Levine from the Kentigern Resource Centre in Australia. He took the Apples of Gold classes in South Africa. I have never been in South Africa nor Australia yet Mr. Levine knows me from classes he took from another man. He also wants to carry the materials in his bookstore. How could that occur? I have three direct contacts in South Africa.
Two ladies from SA came to one of our very first LIFE Seminars in 1979 or 80 and went back home to train their own people. One of their pastoral contacts was Kinglsley Dale, a Methodist who came to the USA and studied with us at College Hill Presbyterian. He returned to train numerous lay and pastoral leaders.
Larry and Ellen Chrouch along with Karen and myself taught our classes in Hawaii for YWAM. Larry and Ellen were invited to teach in the YWAM South Africa Counseling Schools several times and YWAM still uses our material in their schools.
I think Mr. Levine and I are connected by only three links. Even though he is in Australia he came to know us through Rev Dale in South Africa. Gary to Kingsley to Martin.
NOTE: An e mail last week to congratulate me on another birthday contained a similar connection. Peder Paulsen from Denmark wrote to offer his blessings for our friendship on my 67th natal day. He mentioned that he had just returned from the Faroe Islands near Scotland where he taught Rational Christian Thinking. Thus, our ministry has expanded into a new region with just two degrees of separation.
The 16 years I spent at CHPC set me up to have influence all around the world. God chose CHPC to be an instrument of His international missionary enterprise. He alone established the contacts. I have warm, caring contacts on every continent. They are not strong contacts that require a lot of maintaining but all are mutually supportive and helpful.
If you want to grow a church or a ministry you will need to develop hundreds of "weak" connections. Become interested in everyone and anyone regardless of how they can help you and your ministry. As the master teacher said, Give and it shall be given unto you...
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Happy Birthday Gary Sweeten
05/05/05
This is the most important birthday I can ever remember. I am 67 years old, but that is incidental.
During my Junior year in high school at Mt. Vernon, Illinois I was sitting in study hall preparing for my May 5 natal day when it hit me that it fell on a very unusual time. May 5, 1955 is 5/5/55
Although I was not and am not a gambler or numerological, it occurred to me that these numbers has a special feel to them. There were four fives in a row. Wow! That felt very special.
During my childhood and youth I fantasies about the future in a grandiose manner but really did not think much about what life would be like in fifty years. Then, when May 5, 1955 rolled around I began to consider life in 50 years when the numbers would once again be all fives.
Would I still be alive? My maternal grandfather and paternal grandparents had died in their fifties and in 2005 I would be the ancient age of 67.
Would I be married? What kind of wife would I get?
What about children? Grandchildren?
What kind of work would I be doing?
What kind of world would we live in? I read all the Buck Rogers comics and heard some say we would have flying cars but what would be the reality in the new millennium?
The fact that I might have an opportunity to see 05/05/05 in the 21st Century stimulated some mighty deep thinking, and here I am fifty years later. Those 50 years seem like a flash. Events transpired that I could not even begin to imagine. We do not live like Buck Rogers but some of my decisions brought unimaginable changes.
I encountered the Holy Spirit in a life changing manner in 1958.
The Lord told me to attend college.
I went to Mt. Vernon Community College and met Betty Ann Ward who inspired me to be a counselor.
I met and married Karen Mayer
I became embroiled in conflict with a racist principal and resigned my teaching position.
I entered graduate school and got a masters' in higher education/Student Personnel Counseling
I was called to U of Cincinnati and got involved in the Jesus Movement
I met Dick Towner from College Hill Presbyterian and was called onto the staff of that marvelous church
My doctorate was about equipping lay Christian counselors
I was asked to train lay people all over the globe
God called me to set up a Christian psychiatric hospital
Karen and I have two children, two in laws and three grandkids.
All this is much more fantastic than Buck Rogers ever imagined.
God is Good. Life is very good.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Evangelism and Church Growth
I just received the Pastor's Newsletter from Community of Praise Baptist Church in Singapore. We have been equipping them with Life Skills and Lay Ministry skil for the past two years as they minister to the hundreds of new people coming to faith.
Pastor Steve Fendley writes about a powerful move of the Lord through the 40 Days of Purpose.
Dear CPBC Family and Friends,
40 DAYS” PRAISE UPDATE
In my 5 April, 2005 Pastor’s Newsletter, I shared that in the first weekend of the 40 Days of Purpose Campaign 10 people had given their lives to the Lord. I’ll be the first to admit that I would have never dreamed we would get “out of the starting blocks” so swiftly in this season of corporate revival and spiritual growth.
Now, exactly one month later, I’m more amazed than ever. At least 42 people have accepted Jesus as their Saviour and Lord since our launch on 3 April. One of them just last week is a young man of another faith (our “neighbours”), a friend of one of our youth.
Three more Purpose Groups were started last week, and there are more than 800 people involved in 115 Purpose Groups at this time.
I just received the Pastor's Newsletter from Community of Praise Baptist Church in Singapore. We have been equipping them with Life Skills and Lay Ministry skil for the past two years as they minister to the hundreds of new people coming to faith.
Pastor Steve Fendley writes about a powerful move of the Lord through the 40 Days of Purpose.
Dear CPBC Family and Friends,
40 DAYS” PRAISE UPDATE
In my 5 April, 2005 Pastor’s Newsletter, I shared that in the first weekend of the 40 Days of Purpose Campaign 10 people had given their lives to the Lord. I’ll be the first to admit that I would have never dreamed we would get “out of the starting blocks” so swiftly in this season of corporate revival and spiritual growth.
Now, exactly one month later, I’m more amazed than ever. At least 42 people have accepted Jesus as their Saviour and Lord since our launch on 3 April. One of them just last week is a young man of another faith (our “neighbours”), a friend of one of our youth.
Three more Purpose Groups were started last week, and there are more than 800 people involved in 115 Purpose Groups at this time.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This has happened within the past one month! How many people have come to faith in Jesus at your church this past month?
Paying Big Bucks to be Miserable
I love the old saying, "Pain is inevitable but misery is optional" but since this is a truism why do so many people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to send their kids to male bashing colleges that make both men and women miserable?
There is a hilariously painful article in the National Review about a campus group
at the very expensive Williams College. They are putting on a satire of a male bashing play that has gotten rave reviews for several years. Williams College, named after the fundamentalist founder of Rhode Island, Roger Williams, confiscated all the materials and the props from the group but still promotes the actual play. I suppose they think a satire is worse than reality.
http://nationalreview.com/comment/sommers200505020808.asp
This and many similar events shows how the Politically Correct among us can manage to use speech and distorted views but others are not even allowed to differ without being punished.
During the Sixties and Seventies and we saw this coming. Most private colleges in the USA were founded by Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christians to train evangelists, missionaries and pastors. Now they too often evangelize for the other side. We need to pray for revival.
I do not mind that secularists speak boldly for their views. I would gladly encourage all persons to debate issues and argue with passion. My concern has to do with the fact that so many times colleges and groups allow only one voice to be heard.
I love the old saying, "Pain is inevitable but misery is optional" but since this is a truism why do so many people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to send their kids to male bashing colleges that make both men and women miserable?
There is a hilariously painful article in the National Review about a campus group
at the very expensive Williams College. They are putting on a satire of a male bashing play that has gotten rave reviews for several years. Williams College, named after the fundamentalist founder of Rhode Island, Roger Williams, confiscated all the materials and the props from the group but still promotes the actual play. I suppose they think a satire is worse than reality.
http://nationalreview.com/comment/sommers200505020808.asp
This and many similar events shows how the Politically Correct among us can manage to use speech and distorted views but others are not even allowed to differ without being punished.
During the Sixties and Seventies and we saw this coming. Most private colleges in the USA were founded by Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christians to train evangelists, missionaries and pastors. Now they too often evangelize for the other side. We need to pray for revival.
I do not mind that secularists speak boldly for their views. I would gladly encourage all persons to debate issues and argue with passion. My concern has to do with the fact that so many times colleges and groups allow only one voice to be heard.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Vineyard Retreat
Karen and I took a trip down memory lane Friday and Saturday when we joined about 30 people from the Vineyard Community Church, Cincinnati who lead the Pre-Marital Classes at the church for a retreat workshop at Shakertown in Pleasant Hill, KY. Many years ago when Tim and Julie were young we vacationed there and had a wonderful time. Despite the Cold rainy weather the Vineyardians made our time fun, worthwhile and interesting.
VCC is one of the few congregations in our area that prepares couples for the challenge of marriage and a new family structure. I wish every church would do the same for it is the most important work facing Christians today.
So much time, energy, anxious fretting and nagging goes into discussing the negative issues of life that we fail to spend the time and money needed to PREVENT all those problems. For example, involvement in pornography can be directly traced to conflict in marriage. Porn is a terrible thing that is one more step toward the destruction of family life.
Many counselors, evangelists and pastors are all worked up over the crisis of porn but do little to prevent it. PreMarital preparation is not a panacea but it can do a lot to give couples an opportunity to enhance their intimacy and keep porn away.
The problem with pornography is not pornography. Porn has no power to grab and hold a man or woman in its grip. No person will trade the intimacy of a life partner for a dead video unless there is some spiritual, emotional barrier to real human intimacy. Intimacy that allows free, open sharing without fear of condemnation and shame is a great antidote to sex outside marriage.
Any church not doing PreMarital Preparation and Marital communications and Parenting for life is neglecting its godly call.
Stop reacting to crises and start preventing those crises.
Thanks, Greg and Dawn, Rich and Ada, Mark and Elizabethas well as all the rest for your warmth and good work.
As Paul says in Ephesians 5: "It is a great mystery but marriage is Christ and the church."
Karen and I took a trip down memory lane Friday and Saturday when we joined about 30 people from the Vineyard Community Church, Cincinnati who lead the Pre-Marital Classes at the church for a retreat workshop at Shakertown in Pleasant Hill, KY. Many years ago when Tim and Julie were young we vacationed there and had a wonderful time. Despite the Cold rainy weather the Vineyardians made our time fun, worthwhile and interesting.
VCC is one of the few congregations in our area that prepares couples for the challenge of marriage and a new family structure. I wish every church would do the same for it is the most important work facing Christians today.
So much time, energy, anxious fretting and nagging goes into discussing the negative issues of life that we fail to spend the time and money needed to PREVENT all those problems. For example, involvement in pornography can be directly traced to conflict in marriage. Porn is a terrible thing that is one more step toward the destruction of family life.
Many counselors, evangelists and pastors are all worked up over the crisis of porn but do little to prevent it. PreMarital preparation is not a panacea but it can do a lot to give couples an opportunity to enhance their intimacy and keep porn away.
The problem with pornography is not pornography. Porn has no power to grab and hold a man or woman in its grip. No person will trade the intimacy of a life partner for a dead video unless there is some spiritual, emotional barrier to real human intimacy. Intimacy that allows free, open sharing without fear of condemnation and shame is a great antidote to sex outside marriage.
Any church not doing PreMarital Preparation and Marital communications and Parenting for life is neglecting its godly call.
Stop reacting to crises and start preventing those crises.
Thanks, Greg and Dawn, Rich and Ada, Mark and Elizabethas well as all the rest for your warmth and good work.
As Paul says in Ephesians 5: "It is a great mystery but marriage is Christ and the church."
Leave Mother and Father
The first and most common biblical statement about family life is found in Genesis 2:24:
For this cause a man shall leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
Next Thursday, May 5 I will celebrate my 67th birthday and I am still trying to leave some things about my family of origin behind. I continue to discover things defensively to people and situations that remind me of my family.
I recently discovered an old poem/song that I heard as a boy. Like many such country tunes it sums up the unhappy situation in which many of us find ourselves.
Many, many years ago I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother
Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife
She is my grandma too
If my wife is my grandmother
Then I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It simply drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa,
I'm my own grandpa
it sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa
When we Americans marry we have this mythological idea that our new coupling will stand alone and not be connected to anyone else. This is a terrible lie that someone slipped into the culture and it destroys many happy families. I married not only Karen but also her sister Toni and mother Hazel.
One of the most important gifts I was ever given is called, THE GENOGRAM. It is a way to draw a family map that shows the placement of various family members and how they relate to each other. It is a fascinating exercise that has liberated me to think more rationally about my entire family;including my in-laws.
The first and most common biblical statement about family life is found in Genesis 2:24:
For this cause a man shall leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
Next Thursday, May 5 I will celebrate my 67th birthday and I am still trying to leave some things about my family of origin behind. I continue to discover things defensively to people and situations that remind me of my family.
I recently discovered an old poem/song that I heard as a boy. Like many such country tunes it sums up the unhappy situation in which many of us find ourselves.
Many, many years ago I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother
Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife
She is my grandma too
If my wife is my grandmother
Then I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It simply drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa,
I'm my own grandpa
it sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa
When we Americans marry we have this mythological idea that our new coupling will stand alone and not be connected to anyone else. This is a terrible lie that someone slipped into the culture and it destroys many happy families. I married not only Karen but also her sister Toni and mother Hazel.
One of the most important gifts I was ever given is called, THE GENOGRAM. It is a way to draw a family map that shows the placement of various family members and how they relate to each other. It is a fascinating exercise that has liberated me to think more rationally about my entire family;including my in-laws.
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