Famous Christian Marriages

A few years ago I bought a book by William Petersen titled, 25 Surprising Marriages: Faith Building Stories from the Lives of Famous Christians, by Baker Books, 1997. I strongly urge you to purchase the book and read it carefully. Bill Petersen is a great writer and makes each of their histories sound like a novel.

I was shocked to read some of the historical facts about Billy and Ruth Graham, Martin and Katie Luther, John and Idelette Calvin.

John and Molly Wesley, (Whose chapter is entitled "Love is Rot") had a terrible time. He married her on the rebound from a woman who was talked out of marrying him by his famous song writing brother and other friends who thought they had to "save him" from a lower class wife. Despite John's theology of perfection and living above sin he was put to the test many times by the conflicts and troubles of his marriage. John Wesley travelled so much that he essentially left her for the ministry.

These and other stories are not only well written they all take the glow of perfection off the private lives of famous men and the women who tried to live with them and rear their children. Many of them had difficult marriages and some survived only because they stayed apart. Facing the reality about the marriages of "spiritual giants" can help us face the challenges of our own family life with pluck and patience instead of false guilt and shame.

For the past 30 years I have worked to strengthen families. One of the first things I did at College Hill Presbyterian was start a Pre-Marital class for all those getting married. The next classes were, "Parenting Skills" and "Couple Communication". I was motivated by several things. My own marital an family struggles and the recognition that I was poorly prepared for marriage and parenting. I finally understood the comment by that famous philosopher, Pogo the Possum whs said: I have met the enemy and it isme.

I was also motivated by the children and youth whose parents wanted to do the best thing but were not sure how to discipline, nurture, encourage or bless. I came to believe that the key to successful parenting is a successful marriage and a key to a successful marriage is successfully relating to our family of origin. Honoring our parents is foundational to honoring a spouse and getting our kids to honor us. Leaving mother and father emotionally is foundational to cleaving to a spouse and then launching our own kids successfully.

Otherwise we will look to each other and our kids to meet our needs. My wife cannot meet the needs my mother failed to meet. My kids will not make me happy or satisfied or fulfilled. Those books and articles that tell you otherwise are promoting idolatry about a fantasy. "His needs and her needs" can only be fulfilled by God and ourselves.

Marriage is tough. It requires a lot of hard work and spiritual maturity to be happy for living with another human being is as different from me as the sun and the moon requires love, grace, mercy and forgiveness.

Read Bill Petersen's good book and discover with mercy for yourselves that even the most "spiritually famous" among us have struggled with marriage and family life.