Leave Mother and Father

The first and most common biblical statement about family life is found in Genesis 2:24:

For this cause a man shall leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

Next Thursday, May 5 I will celebrate my 67th birthday and I am still trying to leave some things about my family of origin behind. I continue to discover things defensively to people and situations that remind me of my family.

I recently discovered an old poem/song that I heard as a boy. Like many such country tunes it sums up the unhappy situation in which many of us find ourselves.

Many, many years ago I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother

Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife
She is my grandma too

If my wife is my grandmother
Then I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It simply drives me wild

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa.

I'm my own grandpa,
I'm my own grandpa
it sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa

When we Americans marry we have this mythological idea that our new coupling will stand alone and not be connected to anyone else. This is a terrible lie that someone slipped into the culture and it destroys many happy families. I married not only Karen but also her sister Toni and mother Hazel.

One of the most important gifts I was ever given is called, THE GENOGRAM. It is a way to draw a family map that shows the placement of various family members and how they relate to each other. It is a fascinating exercise that has liberated me to think more rationally about my entire family;including my in-laws.