Feeling Bad, Sad and Mad

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

Nor can anyone make me feel mad without my consent. Feelings are a choice. Oh, not immediately but certainly over the long term. If a robber jumps in my car with a gun to my head and starts yelling I will certainly have involuntary feelings of anxiety, fear and anger. This is a normal and expected reaction placed in my body by the Creator of the universe. However, if I am feeling those same feelings a year or two or twenty later it is because I have chosen to do so by ruminating and rehearsing the attack.

Over the past several years the Roman Catholic Church has been racked by evidence that some of its priests have been wolves in sheep's clothing. Men have evidently gone into the priesthood and used their position to carry out sexual assaults on young men. This is reprehensible and needs to be punished severely.

Some leaders in the Roman Church have also been guilty, it seems, of covering up these crimes and transferring priests to other parishes without telling that parish. This is even a worse crime than the homosexual assaults for it rewards and reinforces the criminal behavior and allows the perpetrator to continue his life of evil. What should be done to remedy the situation?

There is one area that I find troubling. It is the way lawyers are demanding huge sums for those victimized by the priests. It is one thing to have been assaulted by a leader it is another to be treated as a life-long, helpless, hopeless victim.

In order to win such suits the men must be presented and promoted as having been deeply and permanently wounded by the sexual advances. To be labeled as weak, sick, disabled and hopeless is much worse than the pain of the attack. The term is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

About two months ago a tsunami hit Asia. Huge waves hit beaches all over the south Asian region wiping out farms, villages and people. However, the waves were a delayed reaction to an earthquake far beneath the ocean. The original quake was not the main problem but the shock waves that caused the waters to roil and kill.

The original shock of a sexual, verbal, physical or emotional assault is not the thing that causes so much long term damage to the soul of one victimized. What proves to be so devastating is how we treat the event. By rehearsing it as something that is permanently damaging I make it so. However, by grieving it and leaving it I can move on to get stronger and better.

Here is my question: Does making the Victims seem permanently damaged help them or hurt them? Who, other than lawyers, benefit from such awards? (Perhaps the drug company also benefit.)

Here is my prescription for long term health: Face the event; Feel the pain of the shock; Forgive the perpetrator; Flee from all punishment and Forget about permanent damage to your soul. I was assaulted by an older boy at about age 10 and it haunted me for many years until I faced it and shared my shame with others. As long as I was fearfully thinking that the wound was deep and permanent I was emotionally crippled. Thankfully, when I learned about inner healing and moving on I got a lot better.

Before learning about healing and renewing my mind I assumed that the wound was Personal and I was damaged goods. That my manhood was somehow crippled. Next, I assumed that the Personal wound was Pervasive and affected every part of my being but especially my relationship with women. Third, I assumed that the problem was Permanent and nothing could be done to change my condition.

These are all lies that need to be replaced and renewed. When I confronted the lies, forgave my attacker and renewed my mind with biblical truth I got better. Would that have happened if I had been used as an example of Permenent damage in a million dollar suit? I doubt it.


You can get better if you don't get bitter!