Pain, Shame, Guilt and Addiction

According to several people who do surveys on such things, many pastors and members are very worried about addiction to pornography. Such worries keep people awake at night and nervous in the daytime. So, it seems that a bit of help is needed from people like us who have worked with sexual habits for many years.

First, let us look at the definition of an addiction developed by Dr. M. Douglas Reed. (You can get some of his tapes from LifeWay.) Here is a simple but profound formula for understanding addictive behaviors.

AB = C + D Addictive Behavior equals Compulsion plus Dependency

One may be compulsive but not be addicted. Likewise, one may be Dependent but not be Addicted. An Addiction requires that the formula is balanced on both sides.

Compulsions are habitual behaviors that are unconsciously designed to deal with inner pain. The pain may be guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, etc. This is why I have written about dealing with the Laws of Generations. If we are dealing with past sins and the result is shame and dysfunction then we are more susceptible to a Compulsion.

For example, many people eat or drink compulsively at night. The root cause is BOREDOM or Marital Conflict. So, they medicate themselves with food, alcohol, sex or TV. The answer to the Compulsion is not more guilt, shame, condemnation and emotional anguish for that simply sets us up for more inner pain and more Compulsive behavior. The answer is actively dealing with the root causes. Many people are Compulsive but not Dependent.

A Dependency is a habitual behavior that gives us a high. Sex can do it as can cocaine, food, religion and sports. These all bring powerful chemicals to our brain and the feeling is great. Many people are Dependent but not Compulsive. In fact, these people may need to have more guilt and self condemnation.

When ministering to someone caught up in strong negative habits, do a careful analysis of his/her root causes before attempting an intervention.