Keep Growing

The most important thing I can do to help others grow and change is to keep growing and changing myself. By Differentiating Myself from My Family Tree I am operating on the freedom of Jesus not the slavery of my wounded flesh.

One way to facilitate Differentiation is to develop Genuineness or Transparency. In this way I allow my inner life to be known to other people. Here is an exercise that helps develop the process of Differentiation and Genuineness.

I know my own thoughts and feelings
I can name my own thoughts and feelings
I can acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings
I can successfully manage my own thoughts and feelings

By knowing, naming, acknowledging and managing my inner life I am able to relate to others in more thoughtfully and peacefully. I will be less likely to REACT to others with irrational, emotions. I acknowledge others? thoughts and feelings without allowing them to influence my feelings.

When accosted by another person we are sorely tempted to REACT in a fight or flight manner. Jesus said that we should ?Turn the other cheek? when accosted. This kind of action certainly requires peaceful Differentiation. In a way, Jesus was telling us to take charge of the emotional process and not allow others to control our thoughts and feelings.

In the days of Jesus a Roman soldier had the right to slap a Hebrew man on the cheek. However, if the man turned the other cheek it indicated that he was a gentleman who deserved equal treatment not a slave. Can you imagine the peacefulness it takes to accomplish this?

When we are aware of our thoughts and feelings and manage them so that we are in control we are acting like a free person rather than a slave.

For example, I am Differentiated when I can discuss my parents and siblings without become upset, anxious, angry or heroic. However, when I cannot talk about my brother without getting sad, mad, glad or had I am still in bondage to the past.
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Levels of Anxiety and Peace

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0

Zero indicates Perfect Peace (Differentiation) (I have left home when I am 5 or less)

Ten indicates great Anxiety (Enmeshment) (I am stuck at home when I am above 5.)

When am I anxious and reactive?
With whom am I most reactive?
With whom am I most peaceful?
How can I move toward peacefulness?