Are these parents or students?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Good Mental and Spiritual Health Treatment Saves Lots of Money
Impaired Presenteeism
Dow Chemical Company looked at "impaired presenteeism," or the impact of sickness on the productivity of those who come to work while ill. Dow asked about presenteeism issues in a massive survey on worker health issues during 2002, in which the company found that 64% of employees reported having one or more chronic conditions.
The survey generated a startling finding. While chronic ailments such as diabetes, arthritis and circulatory disorders were responsible for the most direct medical costs among employees, the costliest condition per worker overal was depression/anxiety.
Such data helped Dow develop focused intervention strategies on specific conditions that the company wouldn't have known as much about without the survey, the authors write, adding that "Dow's strategy is focusing more on prevention, quality of care, and more sophisticated purchasing, such as pay-for-performance programs."
This is why we at Life Way Ministries help church leaders stay healthy and Life Way Counseling helps company workers stay healthy.
The cost of a conflicted pastoral turn-over can be catastrophic. Losing a leader costs a small church as much as $250,000.00 and a large church several million dollars.
Hiring well and caring for the Pastor and his family's relational health is critical.
Impaired Presenteeism
Dow Chemical Company looked at "impaired presenteeism," or the impact of sickness on the productivity of those who come to work while ill. Dow asked about presenteeism issues in a massive survey on worker health issues during 2002, in which the company found that 64% of employees reported having one or more chronic conditions.
The survey generated a startling finding. While chronic ailments such as diabetes, arthritis and circulatory disorders were responsible for the most direct medical costs among employees, the costliest condition per worker overal was depression/anxiety.
Such data helped Dow develop focused intervention strategies on specific conditions that the company wouldn't have known as much about without the survey, the authors write, adding that "Dow's strategy is focusing more on prevention, quality of care, and more sophisticated purchasing, such as pay-for-performance programs."
This is why we at Life Way Ministries help church leaders stay healthy and Life Way Counseling helps company workers stay healthy.
The cost of a conflicted pastoral turn-over can be catastrophic. Losing a leader costs a small church as much as $250,000.00 and a large church several million dollars.
Hiring well and caring for the Pastor and his family's relational health is critical.
Extending the Christmas Season: Retailers Think Consumers Are Crazy
Keep Christ in Christmas and enjoy the season
William S. Cody, managing director of the Jay H. Baker Retailing Initiative at Wharton, says retailers have pushed the holiday season sooner and sooner for one simple reason -- to try to boost sales. "Holiday sales represent, for most retail formats, between 20% and 30% of annual sales, so it's the most important time of the year," Cody says. "The key to success in the holidays is to be very aggressive: [getting out] of the gate earlier and earlier because you covet these profits and you want to be out in front. In 2003 and 2004, we have seen the season creeping up earlier, and those two years have been successful in terms of year-over-year sales."
Herb Kleinberger, a partner and retail store practice leader at IBM Business Consulting Services, says that some individual retailers may enjoy higher sales by extending the Christmas season but notes that a longer season may largely be a wash for the industry as a whole because there are only so many shopping dollars to go around.
"I don't think retailers are really benefiting," Kleinberger says. "Dollars are limited. There are too many stores chasing too few customers. It's a market-share game. The game may be won by starting early, but extending the season doesn't create more business for everybody. It just allows some retailers to get a jump on getting their share of spend."
Kleinberger says the retailers that may benefit from a longer season are those that stock unique products or items that are hard to get because they are in short supply. Other potential beneficiaries of an extended season: retailers who simply offer the deepest discounts for products generally in demand.
"At the end of the day, you're trying to maximize profit, not just sales," Kleinberger notes. "Promoting deep and early is a way to drive traffic and some early business, but it may not be profitable." In addition, some consumers may be put off by a too-early holiday season. "Jumping the gun too soon can create an emotional pushback," Kleinberger adds. "In a certain sense, the consumer has to be emotionally ready to shop, and that may not happen until the weather [becomes colder]."
For his part, Wharton's Cody says a backlash will occur only if stores fail to deliver the goods to their customers. "In general, retailers need to deliver on what they're promoting. If it's early November and they sell out [of a given item] they may shoot their whole holiday season in the foot. If I want to buy a DVD player and it isn't in yet, I may not come back to your store for the holiday season. If I'm shopping in early December or late November, that DVD player had better be on the shelf if you're advertising it.
Outside of the merchandise itself, execution is the most important thing a retailer can do. Execution is of the utmost importance early in the season. It's the halo effect. If you do well on Black Friday, or earlier in the season, that's a great indicator how you will do the rest of the season."
Keep Christ in Christmas and enjoy the season
William S. Cody, managing director of the Jay H. Baker Retailing Initiative at Wharton, says retailers have pushed the holiday season sooner and sooner for one simple reason -- to try to boost sales. "Holiday sales represent, for most retail formats, between 20% and 30% of annual sales, so it's the most important time of the year," Cody says. "The key to success in the holidays is to be very aggressive: [getting out] of the gate earlier and earlier because you covet these profits and you want to be out in front. In 2003 and 2004, we have seen the season creeping up earlier, and those two years have been successful in terms of year-over-year sales."
Herb Kleinberger, a partner and retail store practice leader at IBM Business Consulting Services, says that some individual retailers may enjoy higher sales by extending the Christmas season but notes that a longer season may largely be a wash for the industry as a whole because there are only so many shopping dollars to go around.
"I don't think retailers are really benefiting," Kleinberger says. "Dollars are limited. There are too many stores chasing too few customers. It's a market-share game. The game may be won by starting early, but extending the season doesn't create more business for everybody. It just allows some retailers to get a jump on getting their share of spend."
Kleinberger says the retailers that may benefit from a longer season are those that stock unique products or items that are hard to get because they are in short supply. Other potential beneficiaries of an extended season: retailers who simply offer the deepest discounts for products generally in demand.
"At the end of the day, you're trying to maximize profit, not just sales," Kleinberger notes. "Promoting deep and early is a way to drive traffic and some early business, but it may not be profitable." In addition, some consumers may be put off by a too-early holiday season. "Jumping the gun too soon can create an emotional pushback," Kleinberger adds. "In a certain sense, the consumer has to be emotionally ready to shop, and that may not happen until the weather [becomes colder]."
For his part, Wharton's Cody says a backlash will occur only if stores fail to deliver the goods to their customers. "In general, retailers need to deliver on what they're promoting. If it's early November and they sell out [of a given item] they may shoot their whole holiday season in the foot. If I want to buy a DVD player and it isn't in yet, I may not come back to your store for the holiday season. If I'm shopping in early December or late November, that DVD player had better be on the shelf if you're advertising it.
Outside of the merchandise itself, execution is the most important thing a retailer can do. Execution is of the utmost importance early in the season. It's the halo effect. If you do well on Black Friday, or earlier in the season, that's a great indicator how you will do the rest of the season."
Religious Worship 'Eases Mental Health Woes'
Psychiatric patients who worship report reduced depression, alcohol abuse
Rick Mofina
Vancouver SunThursday, March 28, 2002
OTTAWA -- Regular religious worship helps reduce the severity of mental health problems, a study of Canadian psychiatric patients suggests.
"Our results show that religious commitment has a significant impact on depressive symptoms, satisfaction with life, hospital use and alcohol use," says the study, published in the current issue of the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry.
It is the first known Canadian study to examine levels of spirituality and religiousness among psychiatric patients. The research involved using questionnaires, follow-up interviews and reviews of the medical histories of 44 men and 44 women admitted to psychiatric facilities between June and August 1999.
The study, Canadian Psychiatric Inpatient Religious Commitment: An Association with Mental Health, found that of the participants, 59 per cent said they "believed in a God who rewards and punishes."
Twenty-seven per cent said they "had a high frequency of worship attendance."
And 35 per cent said they "prayed once or more daily."
The study found that worship attendance, defined as attending religious meetings once or more weekly, had the greatest impact on mental health and illness over any other religious commitment.
Those who attended regular worship services were less depressed, had shorter hospital stays, were more content with life and had lower rates of alcohol abuse than those who worship less frequently or not at all.
Author Biased Against Religious Patients
"I was partly surprised about the level of religious commitment," said Dr. Marilyn Baetz, the study's author. "In psychiatry, we've always perhaps been under the assumption our patients are either less religious, or use their religion in a negative way."
The study suggested that regular worship helped regulate lifestyle and behaviour, provided social resources for coping with stress, and provided "a sense of coherence and meaning to life."
Another key observation was that participants with religious beliefs felt they were doing better, even though they still had problems, said Baetz, who is affiliated with the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon. Baetz acknowledged drawing on the research of Dr. David Larson of the National Institute for Healthcare Research in Rockville, Md. Some of the money for Larson's work came from the John Templeton Foundation, a U.S.-based organization that funds projects and studies worldwide on science, religion, spirituality and health.
The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry requires authors to disclose research support, "whether it's from the federal or provincial governments, or pharmaceutical firms, or organizations like Templeton," editor-in-chief Dr. Quentin Rae-Grant said from Toronto.
"Then it's up to the reader to decide whether or not there is a skew and a balance," he said, adding that he regarded Templeton's support positively "because there have been, to my knowledge, very few if any studies of the effect of religious belief on psychiatric patients."The study concluded a patient's spirituality must be addressed and supported as a potentially important coping resource and that clergy or chaplains should be involved, especially in harmful or complex situations.
Over 80% of all research about the effects of religious practices on mental health report positive correlations.
Psychiatric patients who worship report reduced depression, alcohol abuse
Rick Mofina
Vancouver SunThursday, March 28, 2002
OTTAWA -- Regular religious worship helps reduce the severity of mental health problems, a study of Canadian psychiatric patients suggests.
"Our results show that religious commitment has a significant impact on depressive symptoms, satisfaction with life, hospital use and alcohol use," says the study, published in the current issue of the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry.
It is the first known Canadian study to examine levels of spirituality and religiousness among psychiatric patients. The research involved using questionnaires, follow-up interviews and reviews of the medical histories of 44 men and 44 women admitted to psychiatric facilities between June and August 1999.
The study, Canadian Psychiatric Inpatient Religious Commitment: An Association with Mental Health, found that of the participants, 59 per cent said they "believed in a God who rewards and punishes."
Twenty-seven per cent said they "had a high frequency of worship attendance."
And 35 per cent said they "prayed once or more daily."
The study found that worship attendance, defined as attending religious meetings once or more weekly, had the greatest impact on mental health and illness over any other religious commitment.
Those who attended regular worship services were less depressed, had shorter hospital stays, were more content with life and had lower rates of alcohol abuse than those who worship less frequently or not at all.
Author Biased Against Religious Patients
"I was partly surprised about the level of religious commitment," said Dr. Marilyn Baetz, the study's author. "In psychiatry, we've always perhaps been under the assumption our patients are either less religious, or use their religion in a negative way."
The study suggested that regular worship helped regulate lifestyle and behaviour, provided social resources for coping with stress, and provided "a sense of coherence and meaning to life."
Another key observation was that participants with religious beliefs felt they were doing better, even though they still had problems, said Baetz, who is affiliated with the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon. Baetz acknowledged drawing on the research of Dr. David Larson of the National Institute for Healthcare Research in Rockville, Md. Some of the money for Larson's work came from the John Templeton Foundation, a U.S.-based organization that funds projects and studies worldwide on science, religion, spirituality and health.
The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry requires authors to disclose research support, "whether it's from the federal or provincial governments, or pharmaceutical firms, or organizations like Templeton," editor-in-chief Dr. Quentin Rae-Grant said from Toronto.
"Then it's up to the reader to decide whether or not there is a skew and a balance," he said, adding that he regarded Templeton's support positively "because there have been, to my knowledge, very few if any studies of the effect of religious belief on psychiatric patients."The study concluded a patient's spirituality must be addressed and supported as a potentially important coping resource and that clergy or chaplains should be involved, especially in harmful or complex situations.
Over 80% of all research about the effects of religious practices on mental health report positive correlations.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
A Date With Mom
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded.
"Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.
"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you."
I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones time. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them time because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded.
"Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting".
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.
"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you."
I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones time. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them time because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."
The Key to A Happy Family
When we all gather for Thanksgiving and Christmas it is hard to get a word in sideways for some people. Many families interrupt each other and emotionally react to the slightest differences in opinion. Because of the potential conflict there are numerous families that either refuse to get together or do so on a limited basis.
Doctor Gary, how do we solve that problem?
1. Prepare to go home with prayer and a commitment to yourself to stay calm.
2. Think about the role each of you plays and make sure you stop YOUR part of the dance.
3. Respect each person's point of view and refuse to argue.
4. Honor your entire family regardless what they say or do.
5. Have fun.
Please Just Listen to Me
Ray Houghton, M.D.
Teen Times, Nov/Dec 1979
please, just listen
when I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked
when I ask you to listen and you begin to tell me
why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings
when I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem
listen! All I ask you to do is listen
not talk, or do…just hear
advice is cheap; twenty five cents will get you both
dear abby and billy graham in the same newspaper
and I can do that myself. I’m not helpless
maybe discouraged and faltering but no helpless
when you do something for me that I can and need to do
for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy
but when you accept, as a simple fact, that I do feel
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to
convince you and get back about the business of
understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling
and when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t
need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we
understand what’s behind them
please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk wait
a minute for your turn and I’ll listen to you
Ps Feel free to send this on to your family before you go home. Addd a note that says: "I promise that I will try to listen to you."
When we all gather for Thanksgiving and Christmas it is hard to get a word in sideways for some people. Many families interrupt each other and emotionally react to the slightest differences in opinion. Because of the potential conflict there are numerous families that either refuse to get together or do so on a limited basis.
Doctor Gary, how do we solve that problem?
1. Prepare to go home with prayer and a commitment to yourself to stay calm.
2. Think about the role each of you plays and make sure you stop YOUR part of the dance.
3. Respect each person's point of view and refuse to argue.
4. Honor your entire family regardless what they say or do.
5. Have fun.
Please Just Listen to Me
Ray Houghton, M.D.
Teen Times, Nov/Dec 1979
please, just listen
when I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked
when I ask you to listen and you begin to tell me
why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings
when I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem
listen! All I ask you to do is listen
not talk, or do…just hear
advice is cheap; twenty five cents will get you both
dear abby and billy graham in the same newspaper
and I can do that myself. I’m not helpless
maybe discouraged and faltering but no helpless
when you do something for me that I can and need to do
for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy
but when you accept, as a simple fact, that I do feel
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to
convince you and get back about the business of
understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling
and when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t
need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we
understand what’s behind them
please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk wait
a minute for your turn and I’ll listen to you
Ps Feel free to send this on to your family before you go home. Addd a note that says: "I promise that I will try to listen to you."
Monday, November 28, 2005
Insanity: Doing the Same Things, the Same Ways, and Expecting Different Results
For several years after getting married I was acting like an insane person. I continuously got into the same arguments with the same people in my family and carried around the same pain until my misery grew into a chronic ache. And I could not figure out why.
Karen tried to help me, but I had two degrees in counseling and education and she had none, so what did she know? But she could see my dysfunctional patterns and I could not. A person on the outside has 20/20 vision but we on the inside are blind.
She saw how Mother and I danced the exact dance every time we drove back to Ina for the holidays. Mom would complain about her depression and I would try to "make her feel better." I always failed but for 20 years or so I stayed the course and make failure a pleasant pain, like an old shoe.
Finally I got some counseling and an insightful man saw the pattern and nailed it to a tee. After some family coaching I was able to slowly but slowly change myself and stop trying to change Mother. One day I had a brilliant insight. "Why not try what I was recommending to everyone else? Why not listen to Mother and stop giving her my advice? I had written several books on listening so I had might as well try it."
I did and it broke the pattern. My dance steps changed and Mother and I developed a wonderful relationship before she went to be with the Lord.
Now I do not dread family times or holidays. We have fun since I began to listen and relax. The following photos show how much fun and enjoyment we have when we all get together.
For several years after getting married I was acting like an insane person. I continuously got into the same arguments with the same people in my family and carried around the same pain until my misery grew into a chronic ache. And I could not figure out why.
Karen tried to help me, but I had two degrees in counseling and education and she had none, so what did she know? But she could see my dysfunctional patterns and I could not. A person on the outside has 20/20 vision but we on the inside are blind.
She saw how Mother and I danced the exact dance every time we drove back to Ina for the holidays. Mom would complain about her depression and I would try to "make her feel better." I always failed but for 20 years or so I stayed the course and make failure a pleasant pain, like an old shoe.
Finally I got some counseling and an insightful man saw the pattern and nailed it to a tee. After some family coaching I was able to slowly but slowly change myself and stop trying to change Mother. One day I had a brilliant insight. "Why not try what I was recommending to everyone else? Why not listen to Mother and stop giving her my advice? I had written several books on listening so I had might as well try it."
I did and it broke the pattern. My dance steps changed and Mother and I developed a wonderful relationship before she went to be with the Lord.
Now I do not dread family times or holidays. We have fun since I began to listen and relax. The following photos show how much fun and enjoyment we have when we all get together.
Family Photos
The most frustrating part about a family gathering is trying to get everyone together at one, standing still while looking at the camera. In this one we have everyone except Karen's sister, Toni who had to take the picture, but Great Grandmother Hazel is giving in to her ADHD and moving.
David and Julia Knispel with Lily on the left, Papa Sweeten in black sweater with Tim and Shelley Sweeten and Jack and Karen Sweeten and Hazel next to Jacob Knispel.
The most frustrating part about a family gathering is trying to get everyone together at one, standing still while looking at the camera. In this one we have everyone except Karen's sister, Toni who had to take the picture, but Great Grandmother Hazel is giving in to her ADHD and moving.
David and Julia Knispel with Lily on the left, Papa Sweeten in black sweater with Tim and Shelley Sweeten and Jack and Karen Sweeten and Hazel next to Jacob Knispel.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Habits of Healthy Families
Want to know what is healthy in family life? Take a look at this list.
1. Focus on and honor the entire family as a group, including grandparents, cousins and uncles/aunts. Repair bitterness with forgiveness and communicate with those who are far away.
2. Respect each family member and his/her gifts, talents individual part in the family. Do not stick a person in the role of joker, victim, overfunctioner, underfunctioner, etc. Let them blossom.
3. Communication skills that include listening, sharing, thinking, considering, telling stories, laughing, dialogue, etc. Mature families listen more than talk. They have conversations and interactions.
4. Conflict management The difference between healthy and unhealthy families is not the amount of conflict but the way it is resolved. Unhealth families attack each other while healthy families attack problems.
5. Time together It takes time to develop a deep relationship and Quality cannot replace Quantity completely.
6. Affirmation Healthy families affirm each other's successes and point out each other's failures without shaming them.
7. Religious practices The family that prays together stays together. Church attendance does more to protect and prevent problems than any other single factor.
Want to know what is healthy in family life? Take a look at this list.
1. Focus on and honor the entire family as a group, including grandparents, cousins and uncles/aunts. Repair bitterness with forgiveness and communicate with those who are far away.
2. Respect each family member and his/her gifts, talents individual part in the family. Do not stick a person in the role of joker, victim, overfunctioner, underfunctioner, etc. Let them blossom.
3. Communication skills that include listening, sharing, thinking, considering, telling stories, laughing, dialogue, etc. Mature families listen more than talk. They have conversations and interactions.
4. Conflict management The difference between healthy and unhealthy families is not the amount of conflict but the way it is resolved. Unhealth families attack each other while healthy families attack problems.
5. Time together It takes time to develop a deep relationship and Quality cannot replace Quantity completely.
6. Affirmation Healthy families affirm each other's successes and point out each other's failures without shaming them.
7. Religious practices The family that prays together stays together. Church attendance does more to protect and prevent problems than any other single factor.
Society's Regression into Chaos
Most commentators would agree that our American society is moving in the wrong way. Additionally, they don't know what to do about it. The book in the next post by Dr. Roberta Gilbert is one I recommend to help parents, grandparents and thought leaders to help show us ways of developing healthy relationships with our own families and doing what we can to influence the church and community.
One of the most damaging influences on us individually and corporately has been the degrading and negative influence of a few major theories of psychology. There are several psychological theories that have a positive influence on us but they are in the minority of influence right now.
Theories That Have Led to Chaos
1. The individual's ideals and feelings are of supreme importance Individualism has led the professional counseling field to separate family members and keep segregated from each other. Biblically and traditionally the family unit is the source of most health and the best way to bring wholeness is through strengthening the entire family from generation to generation.
2. A focus on Pathology rather than strengths is the key to health The medical model of diagnosing and treating mental "illnesses" has been disastrous. We need to affirm the good points of parenting and the strengths of the family.
3. The emphasis on feelings not facts, thoughts and principles. In most of my books and classes we teach people how to separate "feelings" from "thinking" and we often find students have difficulty doing so. A simple experiment shows how our society is swimming in a lake of emotions at the expense of thoughts.
Ask yourself which is correct: "I feel my wife is attractive" or "I think my wife is attractive".
Most people use the term "feel" when they really mean "think." Feelings are affective words such as mad, sad, glad, shame, guilt, etc. Thoughts, on the other hand, are ideas, beliefs and concepts from which emotions arise.
Perhaps the most important task of schools, churches and parents is to teach people to think and not be driven by feelings. Politicians have really let us down here, especially when it comes to matters of Political Correctness. The prevailing view is something like this. "If a person "FEELS' discriminated against they have been treated badly. This is wrong legally, practically and psychologically.
4. The Pleasure Principle is also destructive When we live in a feeling world we are extremely susceptible to every event in life and we tend to elevate Pleasure above growth, maturity or health. The purpose of Delayed Gratification is to teach us to be disciplined and to develop patience, simplicity of life and resilience. In fact, Adversity, Pain, Frustration, boredom and other unpleasant feelings can be very good for all of us.
5. Permissive Child Rearing Practices are Destructive To worry anxiously about pleasing our kids leads us to allow them to pursue Pleasant Feelings at the expense of developing resilience, Kindness, Patience and Maturity. It can tell people that alcohol, drugs, sex, stealing, lying and laziness are acceptable because they may feel good for right now.
Many parents want to be best buddies with their kids instead of parents. Some let the kids rule the roost. Others are afraid they will "Damage their child's self-esteem" if they are unhappy. Still others worry excessively about protecting their children and fail to teach them self-responsibility.
Beadult parents and set up a set of good expectations. Teach theough experience. make sure the kids do chores and do some work. Have fun, play games, go on hikes. Have times with the extended family and make sure you honor your own parents.
Most commentators would agree that our American society is moving in the wrong way. Additionally, they don't know what to do about it. The book in the next post by Dr. Roberta Gilbert is one I recommend to help parents, grandparents and thought leaders to help show us ways of developing healthy relationships with our own families and doing what we can to influence the church and community.
One of the most damaging influences on us individually and corporately has been the degrading and negative influence of a few major theories of psychology. There are several psychological theories that have a positive influence on us but they are in the minority of influence right now.
Theories That Have Led to Chaos
1. The individual's ideals and feelings are of supreme importance Individualism has led the professional counseling field to separate family members and keep segregated from each other. Biblically and traditionally the family unit is the source of most health and the best way to bring wholeness is through strengthening the entire family from generation to generation.
2. A focus on Pathology rather than strengths is the key to health The medical model of diagnosing and treating mental "illnesses" has been disastrous. We need to affirm the good points of parenting and the strengths of the family.
3. The emphasis on feelings not facts, thoughts and principles. In most of my books and classes we teach people how to separate "feelings" from "thinking" and we often find students have difficulty doing so. A simple experiment shows how our society is swimming in a lake of emotions at the expense of thoughts.
Ask yourself which is correct: "I feel my wife is attractive" or "I think my wife is attractive".
Most people use the term "feel" when they really mean "think." Feelings are affective words such as mad, sad, glad, shame, guilt, etc. Thoughts, on the other hand, are ideas, beliefs and concepts from which emotions arise.
Perhaps the most important task of schools, churches and parents is to teach people to think and not be driven by feelings. Politicians have really let us down here, especially when it comes to matters of Political Correctness. The prevailing view is something like this. "If a person "FEELS' discriminated against they have been treated badly. This is wrong legally, practically and psychologically.
4. The Pleasure Principle is also destructive When we live in a feeling world we are extremely susceptible to every event in life and we tend to elevate Pleasure above growth, maturity or health. The purpose of Delayed Gratification is to teach us to be disciplined and to develop patience, simplicity of life and resilience. In fact, Adversity, Pain, Frustration, boredom and other unpleasant feelings can be very good for all of us.
5. Permissive Child Rearing Practices are Destructive To worry anxiously about pleasing our kids leads us to allow them to pursue Pleasant Feelings at the expense of developing resilience, Kindness, Patience and Maturity. It can tell people that alcohol, drugs, sex, stealing, lying and laziness are acceptable because they may feel good for right now.
Many parents want to be best buddies with their kids instead of parents. Some let the kids rule the roost. Others are afraid they will "Damage their child's self-esteem" if they are unhappy. Still others worry excessively about protecting their children and fail to teach them self-responsibility.
Beadult parents and set up a set of good expectations. Teach theough experience. make sure the kids do chores and do some work. Have fun, play games, go on hikes. Have times with the extended family and make sure you honor your own parents.
A Great Book for Parents
Amazon.com has this book right now and I strongly recommend it for all parents and grandparents no matter what the age of your children.
Connecting With Our Children : Guiding Principles for Parents in a Troubled World -- by Roberta M. Gilbert; Paperback
With our society regressing farther and farther into chaos and fantasy we need to know what to do to turn the tide. This book will help families that are solid and strong as well as those that are facing enormous stresses in life.
Get it; Read it; Apply it
In the following blogs I am posting several photos of our families, nuclear and extended. Nothing can do more to restore sanity and clear thinking in America than connecting with our own parents, siblings and kids, especially if we add the very powerful spark of God's love by attending church together.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Thanks for God's Work 
in Family
The Knispel and Sweeten Families, along with Karen's Mother Hazel Guriel, gather for Mother's Day and Baptism of the Knispel children, Jacob Anderson and Lily Katherine.
The weather was beautiful and the service of baptism even more spectacular. It was great for Papa Sweeten to be able to baptize two of his grandchildren.
in Family The Knispel and Sweeten Families, along with Karen's Mother Hazel Guriel, gather for Mother's Day and Baptism of the Knispel children, Jacob Anderson and Lily Katherine.
The weather was beautiful and the service of baptism even more spectacular. It was great for Papa Sweeten to be able to baptize two of his grandchildren.
Lincoln's 1863 Thanksgiving Proclamation
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.
In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere in the theatre of the military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.
Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore.
Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.
No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.
It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at seas and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.
And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also , with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, comment to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.
In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere in the theatre of the military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.
Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore.
Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.
No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.
It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at seas and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.
And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also , with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, comment to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
An Attitude of Gratitude
When we think about the First Thanksgiving it is hard to imagine that some of us would have been grateful for the little we had or would have thanked the Almighty for His blessings. I recently heard a colleague say that America is in an ADD crisis. Adversity Deprivation Disorder is all over the place.
In American we have almost no one who suffers from real adversity so we have to make up was to show faux compassion and empathy. The news media are experts at faux news reports. (Not FOX News) The most recent example is probably how awful it is to be forced to wait in an airport when airplanes are delayed or get stuck in slow traffic on the highways. Those are terrible events! It is just AWFUL to be discomfiture in any slight manner.
Before the traffic rush it was the extreme pain of HIGH GASOLINE PRICES!!! I stopped at Starbucks for a cup of coffee and discovered four V 8 all wheel drive SUV's in the parking lot that were running with the air conditioner on while the drivers were inside chatting and drinking $3.75 lattes themselves.
First, no one in Cincinnati needs an off road, all wheel drive SUV with a V8 engine that gets 10 miles per gallon. Second, to leave it running for 30 minutes to keep the heat down is evidence that the people are NOT concerned about gas prices.
But most importantly, gasoline is cheaper than at almost anytime in my life when figured on an inflationary basis. It is also cheaper than anywhere else in the world. In Europe it is about $7.00 per gallon. Why, then, are the media proffering such ridiculous lies? Anxiety sells. The media must have us jacked up on lies and distortions to keep us watching and reading.
Storms are coming!!!
Gasoline is high!!!
Traffic jams!!!
When we have so little to really worry about we make things up and the media works full time to help us. It is not their fault. We love it, but it facilitates parental paranoia and overprotection of our kids.
Worst of all it robs us of gratitude and thankfulness. So, Abe Lincoln gave us the gift of a formal Thanksgiving Day. Oh, the pessimistic atheists will try to steal it and throw cold water on our celebration but wee can persevere. PETA will show morbid ads about how we are murdering turkeys but switch channels.
Keep on thanking God and each other. Have a blast. Sing a song of praise.
When we think about the First Thanksgiving it is hard to imagine that some of us would have been grateful for the little we had or would have thanked the Almighty for His blessings. I recently heard a colleague say that America is in an ADD crisis. Adversity Deprivation Disorder is all over the place.
In American we have almost no one who suffers from real adversity so we have to make up was to show faux compassion and empathy. The news media are experts at faux news reports. (Not FOX News) The most recent example is probably how awful it is to be forced to wait in an airport when airplanes are delayed or get stuck in slow traffic on the highways. Those are terrible events! It is just AWFUL to be discomfiture in any slight manner.
Before the traffic rush it was the extreme pain of HIGH GASOLINE PRICES!!! I stopped at Starbucks for a cup of coffee and discovered four V 8 all wheel drive SUV's in the parking lot that were running with the air conditioner on while the drivers were inside chatting and drinking $3.75 lattes themselves.
First, no one in Cincinnati needs an off road, all wheel drive SUV with a V8 engine that gets 10 miles per gallon. Second, to leave it running for 30 minutes to keep the heat down is evidence that the people are NOT concerned about gas prices.
But most importantly, gasoline is cheaper than at almost anytime in my life when figured on an inflationary basis. It is also cheaper than anywhere else in the world. In Europe it is about $7.00 per gallon. Why, then, are the media proffering such ridiculous lies? Anxiety sells. The media must have us jacked up on lies and distortions to keep us watching and reading.
Storms are coming!!!
Gasoline is high!!!
Traffic jams!!!
When we have so little to really worry about we make things up and the media works full time to help us. It is not their fault. We love it, but it facilitates parental paranoia and overprotection of our kids.
Worst of all it robs us of gratitude and thankfulness. So, Abe Lincoln gave us the gift of a formal Thanksgiving Day. Oh, the pessimistic atheists will try to steal it and throw cold water on our celebration but wee can persevere. PETA will show morbid ads about how we are murdering turkeys but switch channels.
Keep on thanking God and each other. Have a blast. Sing a song of praise.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Prayer Brings Peace
One of the things about modern families that concerns me is the great increase in PESSIMISM and ANXIETY among parents. Good parents are so worried about life that they tend to over protect their kids and anxiously hover over them. This is much more dangerous than allowing kids to be free.
During the Black Plague in Europe some 25 million people died. This amounts to about one third of the total population of that continent. No wonder they developed a lot of fears and anxiety that came out in their religious practice. Perhaps the worst prayer ever written came from worried parents and priests.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul will keep
If I should DIE before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
Is it any wonder that children would have nightmares? We are still teaching this awful poem to our children. I have written a new prayer for parents.
A New Prayer For Sleeping
Now I lay me down to sleep
I thank the Lord my soul will keep
No fear of night, He will provide-
His angels near, my sleeping side
At morning's dawn, I will awake,
To live again for Jesus' sake
He gives me strength, the whole night rest
Enough each day to give my best
(C) Gary Sweeten
Please teach this prayer of faith and peace to your children
One of the things about modern families that concerns me is the great increase in PESSIMISM and ANXIETY among parents. Good parents are so worried about life that they tend to over protect their kids and anxiously hover over them. This is much more dangerous than allowing kids to be free.
During the Black Plague in Europe some 25 million people died. This amounts to about one third of the total population of that continent. No wonder they developed a lot of fears and anxiety that came out in their religious practice. Perhaps the worst prayer ever written came from worried parents and priests.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul will keep
If I should DIE before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
Is it any wonder that children would have nightmares? We are still teaching this awful poem to our children. I have written a new prayer for parents.
A New Prayer For Sleeping
Now I lay me down to sleep
I thank the Lord my soul will keep
No fear of night, He will provide-
His angels near, my sleeping side
At morning's dawn, I will awake,
To live again for Jesus' sake
He gives me strength, the whole night rest
Enough each day to give my best
(C) Gary Sweeten
Please teach this prayer of faith and peace to your children
Bible Belt states are the most generous givers to charity
Posted by Mark Tapscott on November 22, 2005 - 13:35.
It may not get much play in the MSM, but the Catalogue for Philanthropy's latest National Generosity Index finds a clear majority of the most generous states are in the Bible Belt where evangelical Christianity is strongest and household income is lowest.
The least generous states are mostly in areas in which evangelicals are least common, but household incomes are highest.
Here are the Top 10, including six that are the heart of the Bible Belt and two more that are strongly influenced by it. The dollar figure in parenthesis is the U.S. Census Bureau's latest available (2004) household income figure, followed by the state's national ranking for that factor. The B indicates Bush carried in 2004. K indicates Kerry carried in 2004:
1. Mississippi ($31,642)(50)(B)
2. Arkansas ($32,983)(49)(B)
3. South Dakota ($38,472)(42)(B)
4. Oklahoma ($35,357)(45)(B)
5. Tennessee ($38,794)(41)(B)
6. Alabama ($36,709)(43)(B)
7. Louisiana ($35,110)(48)(B)
8. Utah ($47,074)(17)(B)
9. South Carolina ($39,837)(38)(B)
10. West Virginia ($31,504)(51)(B)
Now take a look at the second 10, which includes another six that are either clearly part of the Bible Belt or strongly influenced by it:
11. Idaho ($39,934)(37)(B)
12. Texas ($41,759)(31)(B)
13. Nebraska ($41,657)(32)(B)
14. North Dakota ($39,447)(39)(B)
15. Wyoming ($44,275))(23)(B)
16. North Carolina ($39,428)(40)(B)
17. Kansas ($41,638)(33)(B)
18. Florida ($41,236)(36)
19. Georgia ($43,037)(24)(B)
20. Missouri ($41,473)(34)(B)
Now, scan the Bottom 10 least generous states, which includes eight Yankee states where Southern Baptists are as scarce as common sense at a Michael Moore fan club meeting:
41. Michigan ($44,905)(21)(K)
42. Hawaii ($53,554)(7)(K)
43. Colorado ($48,198)(14)(B)
44. Minnesota ($50,860)(10)(K)
45. Connecticut ($60,528)(2)(K)
46. Wisconsin ($45,315)(20)(K)
47. Rhode Island ($48,722)(13)(K)
48. New Jersey ($61,359)(1)(K)
49. Massachusetts ($55,658)(5)(K)
50. New Hampshire ($55,580)(6)(K)
The states with the lowest household income are in the Bible Belt and that is where people are the most generous givers to charitable causes. Every one of the Top 10 most generous was carried by President Bush in the 2004 presidential election.
The most secular states with the highest household incomes are the least generous. Nine of the 10 least generous were carried by Sen. John Kerry, the Democratic presidential nominee.
Cross-posted at Tapscott's Copy Desk.
The people who want to eliminate God and charitable ideas from schools and daily life need to seriously consider the consequences. I assume that the Left Wing prefers compassion to harsh uncaring but I am not so sure when I see this data.
Posted by Mark Tapscott on November 22, 2005 - 13:35.
It may not get much play in the MSM, but the Catalogue for Philanthropy's latest National Generosity Index finds a clear majority of the most generous states are in the Bible Belt where evangelical Christianity is strongest and household income is lowest.
The least generous states are mostly in areas in which evangelicals are least common, but household incomes are highest.
Here are the Top 10, including six that are the heart of the Bible Belt and two more that are strongly influenced by it. The dollar figure in parenthesis is the U.S. Census Bureau's latest available (2004) household income figure, followed by the state's national ranking for that factor. The B indicates Bush carried in 2004. K indicates Kerry carried in 2004:
1. Mississippi ($31,642)(50)(B)
2. Arkansas ($32,983)(49)(B)
3. South Dakota ($38,472)(42)(B)
4. Oklahoma ($35,357)(45)(B)
5. Tennessee ($38,794)(41)(B)
6. Alabama ($36,709)(43)(B)
7. Louisiana ($35,110)(48)(B)
8. Utah ($47,074)(17)(B)
9. South Carolina ($39,837)(38)(B)
10. West Virginia ($31,504)(51)(B)
Now take a look at the second 10, which includes another six that are either clearly part of the Bible Belt or strongly influenced by it:
11. Idaho ($39,934)(37)(B)
12. Texas ($41,759)(31)(B)
13. Nebraska ($41,657)(32)(B)
14. North Dakota ($39,447)(39)(B)
15. Wyoming ($44,275))(23)(B)
16. North Carolina ($39,428)(40)(B)
17. Kansas ($41,638)(33)(B)
18. Florida ($41,236)(36)
19. Georgia ($43,037)(24)(B)
20. Missouri ($41,473)(34)(B)
Now, scan the Bottom 10 least generous states, which includes eight Yankee states where Southern Baptists are as scarce as common sense at a Michael Moore fan club meeting:
41. Michigan ($44,905)(21)(K)
42. Hawaii ($53,554)(7)(K)
43. Colorado ($48,198)(14)(B)
44. Minnesota ($50,860)(10)(K)
45. Connecticut ($60,528)(2)(K)
46. Wisconsin ($45,315)(20)(K)
47. Rhode Island ($48,722)(13)(K)
48. New Jersey ($61,359)(1)(K)
49. Massachusetts ($55,658)(5)(K)
50. New Hampshire ($55,580)(6)(K)
The states with the lowest household income are in the Bible Belt and that is where people are the most generous givers to charitable causes. Every one of the Top 10 most generous was carried by President Bush in the 2004 presidential election.
The most secular states with the highest household incomes are the least generous. Nine of the 10 least generous were carried by Sen. John Kerry, the Democratic presidential nominee.
Cross-posted at Tapscott's Copy Desk.
The people who want to eliminate God and charitable ideas from schools and daily life need to seriously consider the consequences. I assume that the Left Wing prefers compassion to harsh uncaring but I am not so sure when I see this data.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Life Way Ministries 2005 Fund Drive
For all those of you who did not receive my fund raising letter, here it is.
Dear Supporting Friends,
This has been a year of continual crises and catastrophic problems. A record shattering tsunami, multiple tornadoes, wars and rumors of wars along with so many hurricanes that we ran out of names has brought despair and exhaustion. These tragedies pulled our heartstrings and pressed us to our knees. It even has Jay Leno suggesting that this is not a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance.
It has also been a blessed time for ministries of compassion and healing. God’s people have with love, money and manpower. I am proud to be a Christian. Even some atheists have noticed and admitted that for some strange reason Christians show more compassion and do more hard work during a crisis than do secular humanists.
In the midst of all this we at Life Way Ministries have been quietly continuing our call of multiplying ministers. We equip believers with knowledge of God’s word along with the practical skills to live it out. Our Asian ministries are at a point where they are less dependent upon US support. Our Asian team is taking God’s word directly to churches around the Pacific Rim.
Lifeways Russia is prospering greatly. The dramatic increase in trained volunteers allows Galina and her team to develop equipping centers around the former USSR. My recent trip filled me with thanksgiving and awe to God for His work among this devastated nation.
Now for the Fund Drive. As Founder, President, COO, CFO, CEO and Chairman I had a meeting with the entire staff of Life Way Ministries to discuss money. I have been invited to a dozen dinners, golf tournaments, outings, barbeques, banquets, speakers, building promotions, fishing tournaments, flights to Africa, special events, radio funders and hard sell concerts. I asked what kind of big event we should try to pull off to get our friends to financially support us.
I asked my Secretary, me, to call the Director of Development, me, to set up a meeting with the Big Events Coordinator, me, and the Little Events Director, me, as well as the Newsletter Publisher, me, the Public Relations V.P., me, and ask the Golf Outing expert, me, and the Banquet Planner, me, who contacted the Chef, me, about getting a famous and expensive International Missionary Speaker, me, and a Big Name Entertainment Coordinator, me, along with the Choir Director, me, and the Band Master, me, to plan a big meal at an expensive hotel with me cooking and have an emotional slide show by me before a talk was given by me to pressure friends into giving. With a staff this big we need a lot of cash to keep us going.
By the time the group was gathered its members, me, me and me, were so exhausted that we had to call for someone with gifts of healing, me, to pray for strength. Here was our decision: If you require a meal, a golf game, a slide show, a famous speaker with a talk about Russia, Asia, Islam and world evangelism or a concert to get you to make a donation to Life Way Ministries, call me. I will have you over to lunch, take you to Sharon Woods for golf, sing to you, play a tape of your favorite preacher, show you all of my slides and photos from the past 20 years of international ministry and pray with you about your needs. I will share the startling stats about leaders being trained, people delivered from addictions and families set free from sexual brokenness and the thousands of lay persons and churches we are influencing.
Your support goes directly into missions and leadership development here and around the world. It goes to develop leaders in Russia, Ukraine, Singapore, Scandinavia and the USA. No local ministry has done more to fight pornography or heal Christians of addictions. Nobody has done more to develop and support Christian unity in Greater Cincinnati. We are excited about the future as we expand our influence and reach. Come along with us and enjoy God’s blessings.
We need you to keep Life Way Ministries going.
Thanks,
Gary Sweeten
Life Way Ministries, Inc
11161 Kenwood Rd
Cincinnati, Ohio 45242
A non Profit, tax-deductible charity
For all those of you who did not receive my fund raising letter, here it is.
Dear Supporting Friends,
This has been a year of continual crises and catastrophic problems. A record shattering tsunami, multiple tornadoes, wars and rumors of wars along with so many hurricanes that we ran out of names has brought despair and exhaustion. These tragedies pulled our heartstrings and pressed us to our knees. It even has Jay Leno suggesting that this is not a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance.
It has also been a blessed time for ministries of compassion and healing. God’s people have with love, money and manpower. I am proud to be a Christian. Even some atheists have noticed and admitted that for some strange reason Christians show more compassion and do more hard work during a crisis than do secular humanists.
In the midst of all this we at Life Way Ministries have been quietly continuing our call of multiplying ministers. We equip believers with knowledge of God’s word along with the practical skills to live it out. Our Asian ministries are at a point where they are less dependent upon US support. Our Asian team is taking God’s word directly to churches around the Pacific Rim.
Lifeways Russia is prospering greatly. The dramatic increase in trained volunteers allows Galina and her team to develop equipping centers around the former USSR. My recent trip filled me with thanksgiving and awe to God for His work among this devastated nation.
Now for the Fund Drive. As Founder, President, COO, CFO, CEO and Chairman I had a meeting with the entire staff of Life Way Ministries to discuss money. I have been invited to a dozen dinners, golf tournaments, outings, barbeques, banquets, speakers, building promotions, fishing tournaments, flights to Africa, special events, radio funders and hard sell concerts. I asked what kind of big event we should try to pull off to get our friends to financially support us.
I asked my Secretary, me, to call the Director of Development, me, to set up a meeting with the Big Events Coordinator, me, and the Little Events Director, me, as well as the Newsletter Publisher, me, the Public Relations V.P., me, and ask the Golf Outing expert, me, and the Banquet Planner, me, who contacted the Chef, me, about getting a famous and expensive International Missionary Speaker, me, and a Big Name Entertainment Coordinator, me, along with the Choir Director, me, and the Band Master, me, to plan a big meal at an expensive hotel with me cooking and have an emotional slide show by me before a talk was given by me to pressure friends into giving. With a staff this big we need a lot of cash to keep us going.
By the time the group was gathered its members, me, me and me, were so exhausted that we had to call for someone with gifts of healing, me, to pray for strength. Here was our decision: If you require a meal, a golf game, a slide show, a famous speaker with a talk about Russia, Asia, Islam and world evangelism or a concert to get you to make a donation to Life Way Ministries, call me. I will have you over to lunch, take you to Sharon Woods for golf, sing to you, play a tape of your favorite preacher, show you all of my slides and photos from the past 20 years of international ministry and pray with you about your needs. I will share the startling stats about leaders being trained, people delivered from addictions and families set free from sexual brokenness and the thousands of lay persons and churches we are influencing.
Your support goes directly into missions and leadership development here and around the world. It goes to develop leaders in Russia, Ukraine, Singapore, Scandinavia and the USA. No local ministry has done more to fight pornography or heal Christians of addictions. Nobody has done more to develop and support Christian unity in Greater Cincinnati. We are excited about the future as we expand our influence and reach. Come along with us and enjoy God’s blessings.
We need you to keep Life Way Ministries going.
Thanks,
Gary Sweeten
Life Way Ministries, Inc
11161 Kenwood Rd
Cincinnati, Ohio 45242
A non Profit, tax-deductible charity
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Teach Morality if You Want Good Morals in Your Kids
Morals and values -- not just AIDS and pregnancy -- are important parts of the discussion about teen sex, a new survey and report suggest.
The survey, commissioned by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, found that teens say morals, values and religion play a major role in their decisions about sex.
The campaign also released a review of the research on religion and teen sex, which finds more religious teens are more likely to wait until they are older to have sex. But the research also suggests that once religious teens do have sex, they are less likely to use contraception.
The authors conclude that none of this research is strong enough to recommend any particular approach. Still, the campaign hopes its report will expand the discussion of how to further reduce teen pregnancy rates, which have fallen dramatically over the last decade.
"Preventing teen pregnancy is as much about moral and religious values as it is about public health," said the report being released Tuesday. "Teens, like adults, make decisions about their sexual behavior based in part on their values about what is right and wrong, what is proper and what is not."
The survey of 502 teens, conducted September 5-9, also found that half of teens said their parents were most influential in decisions about sex, three times the number who cited friends.
In 1997, the most recent year for which pregnancy data are available, about 9.4 percent of all girls ages 15 to 19 became pregnant. Among girls ages 15 to 17, some 6.4 percent were pregnant in 1997, down 21 percent since the peak in 1990.
The survey, one of several sponsored by the campaign, found that 39 percent of teen-agers said that "morals, values and/or religious beliefs" were the most important factor affecting their decision about whether to have sex. That's more than double the second most popular answer, concern about sexually transmitted diseases, which was the most important factor for 17 percent of respondents.
Even among those teens who say they rarely or never attend religious services, 26 percent said morals, values and/or religion was the most important factor.
The review of research on teen sex and religion examined 50 studies and concluded the research is "surprisingly weak." But it did spot trends:
-- Teens who attend services frequently are less likely to have permissive attitudes about sex. Those who attend services tend to wait longer to have sex, at least among white boys and all girls.
-- More religious teens have more conservative attitudes about sex, but these attitudes are only moderately related to their future behavior.
-- Catholic and fundamentalist Protestant girls are particularly likely to wait to have sex, but they are also less likely to use contraception once they do so.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, an independent group founded in 1996, sponsors research about what programs work and offers advice to communities that are working to reduce their pregnancy rates.
Copyright 2001 The Associated Press.
Morals and values -- not just AIDS and pregnancy -- are important parts of the discussion about teen sex, a new survey and report suggest.
The survey, commissioned by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, found that teens say morals, values and religion play a major role in their decisions about sex.
The campaign also released a review of the research on religion and teen sex, which finds more religious teens are more likely to wait until they are older to have sex. But the research also suggests that once religious teens do have sex, they are less likely to use contraception.
The authors conclude that none of this research is strong enough to recommend any particular approach. Still, the campaign hopes its report will expand the discussion of how to further reduce teen pregnancy rates, which have fallen dramatically over the last decade.
"Preventing teen pregnancy is as much about moral and religious values as it is about public health," said the report being released Tuesday. "Teens, like adults, make decisions about their sexual behavior based in part on their values about what is right and wrong, what is proper and what is not."
The survey of 502 teens, conducted September 5-9, also found that half of teens said their parents were most influential in decisions about sex, three times the number who cited friends.
In 1997, the most recent year for which pregnancy data are available, about 9.4 percent of all girls ages 15 to 19 became pregnant. Among girls ages 15 to 17, some 6.4 percent were pregnant in 1997, down 21 percent since the peak in 1990.
The survey, one of several sponsored by the campaign, found that 39 percent of teen-agers said that "morals, values and/or religious beliefs" were the most important factor affecting their decision about whether to have sex. That's more than double the second most popular answer, concern about sexually transmitted diseases, which was the most important factor for 17 percent of respondents.
Even among those teens who say they rarely or never attend religious services, 26 percent said morals, values and/or religion was the most important factor.
The review of research on teen sex and religion examined 50 studies and concluded the research is "surprisingly weak." But it did spot trends:
-- Teens who attend services frequently are less likely to have permissive attitudes about sex. Those who attend services tend to wait longer to have sex, at least among white boys and all girls.
-- More religious teens have more conservative attitudes about sex, but these attitudes are only moderately related to their future behavior.
-- Catholic and fundamentalist Protestant girls are particularly likely to wait to have sex, but they are also less likely to use contraception once they do so.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, an independent group founded in 1996, sponsors research about what programs work and offers advice to communities that are working to reduce their pregnancy rates.
Copyright 2001 The Associated Press.
Being a "Good" Parents may make your child use drugs!
It true! Being a good parent may make your kid more likely to use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke--that is, if you (the parent) use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke.
Researchers Andrews, Hops, and Duncan found that kids who have good relationships with their parents are more likely to use drugs if those parents use drugs themselves. In contrast, kids with poor relationships with their parents are less likely to emulated the parent's bad behavior.
What does it all mean? If you don't want your child doing drugs, drinking, or smoking then you must:
(a) continue to use yourself but make them dislike you; or
(b) stop using and do whatever you can to promote a good relationship with your kids!
Andrews, J., Hops, H., & Duncan, S. Journal of Family Therapy. Reported in Family
It true! Being a good parent may make your kid more likely to use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke--that is, if you (the parent) use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke.
Researchers Andrews, Hops, and Duncan found that kids who have good relationships with their parents are more likely to use drugs if those parents use drugs themselves. In contrast, kids with poor relationships with their parents are less likely to emulated the parent's bad behavior.
What does it all mean? If you don't want your child doing drugs, drinking, or smoking then you must:
(a) continue to use yourself but make them dislike you; or
(b) stop using and do whatever you can to promote a good relationship with your kids!
Andrews, J., Hops, H., & Duncan, S. Journal of Family Therapy. Reported in Family
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
In Honor of Peter Drucker
Mr. Drucker died last week at age 95. He spent his life trying to help people set up and manage organizations that valued people and served humanity. He once met with a group of pastors and para-church leaders and told them that because they were so important to society that he would give his time to them. Rather than selling his day for $10,000.00 to 20,000.00 per day to GE or GM he volunteered to coach these men and women free.
"Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision." Peter Drucker
It has been my experience that few pastors and church workers really esteem the time God has given them. Rarely do I meet a Christian leader who thinks what he is doing is important.
Why do I think this is true? Because they waste so much of their time and they do almost nothing to increase their efficiency and effectiveness. They often preach too long and run meetings too long. If there are 100 people in a meeting that runs 15 minutes over time 25 human hours are wasted.
I am a Church Consultant and a Leader Coach. I teach leaders how to run a more effective life and a more efficient ministry. It is not difficult to stop wasting God's precious time and your precious energy. All it takes is a courageous and teachable spirit.
Mr. Drucker died last week at age 95. He spent his life trying to help people set up and manage organizations that valued people and served humanity. He once met with a group of pastors and para-church leaders and told them that because they were so important to society that he would give his time to them. Rather than selling his day for $10,000.00 to 20,000.00 per day to GE or GM he volunteered to coach these men and women free.
"Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision." Peter Drucker
It has been my experience that few pastors and church workers really esteem the time God has given them. Rarely do I meet a Christian leader who thinks what he is doing is important.
Why do I think this is true? Because they waste so much of their time and they do almost nothing to increase their efficiency and effectiveness. They often preach too long and run meetings too long. If there are 100 people in a meeting that runs 15 minutes over time 25 human hours are wasted.
I am a Church Consultant and a Leader Coach. I teach leaders how to run a more effective life and a more efficient ministry. It is not difficult to stop wasting God's precious time and your precious energy. All it takes is a courageous and teachable spirit.
Scary Marketing from Iran
The recent suicide bombings in Lebanon with one of the killers a woman who failed shows us just how different we Christians are from Muslims. Look at this video for kids to see for yourself how they are recruiting young killers.
Clip# 906, found at http://www.memritv.org/search.asp is a very effective
tool for recruiting Iranian children to become suicide bombers.
The following was written by Rev. Bob Vincent.
When I had our Muslim Imam give a lecture to my class last year, I had
planted a question with a student: "In Islam how can I know for sure that I
am going to heaven?"
The Imam's answer was: "You cannot know. But neither can you know this in
Christianity. No one can know if he has done enough good in order to know
that he is going to heaven."
The next day I pointed out to my high school seniors that both Muslims and
Christians can know that they are going to heaven. There is one infallible
way to know, according to the teachings of both faiths. In Christianity,
everyone who has turned from his sins and put his trust in the Lord Jesus
Christ can know that he is going to heaven. In Islam, everyone who dies in
battle, defending Islam is assured of heaven:
"When you meet the unbelievers, smite their necks, then, when you have made wide slaughter among them, tie fast the bonds; then set them free, either by grace or ransom, till the war lays down its loads. So it shall be; and if God had willed, He would have avenged Himself upon them; but that He may try some of you by means of others. And those who are slain in the way of God,
He will not send their works astray. He will guide them, and dispose their minds aright, and He will admit them to Paradise, that He has made known to
them." (Koran XLVII:4-8)
"So let them fight in the way of God who sell the present life for the world to come; and whosoever fights in the way of God and is slain, or conquers, We shall bring him a mighty wage." (Koran IV:75)
"God has bought from the believers their selves and their possessions against the gift of Paradise; they fight in the way of God; they kill, and are killed; that is a promise binding upon God in the Torah, and the Gospel, and the Koran; and who fulfills his covenant truer than God?" (Koran IX:110)
"Surely the godfearing shall be in a station secure among gardens and fountains, robed in silk and brocade, set face to face. Even so; and We shall espouse them to wide-eyed houris,* therein calling for every fruit, secure." (Koran XLIV:52)
To retreat before the enemy in a Jihad, unless it was for tactical reasons, was an absolute guarantee of instantly going to a burning hell: "O believers, when you encounter the unbelievers marching to battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso turns his back that day to them, unless
withdrawing to fight again or removing to join another host, he is laden with the burden of God's anger, and his refuge is Gehenna—an evil homecoming!" (Koran VIII:15)
*(Houri: a black-eyed woman 1. any of the beautiful nymphs of the Moslem Paradise, among the rewards of faithful Moslems 2. a seductively beautiful woman)
Bob
bob@rbvincent.com
www.rbvincent.com
The recent suicide bombings in Lebanon with one of the killers a woman who failed shows us just how different we Christians are from Muslims. Look at this video for kids to see for yourself how they are recruiting young killers.
Clip# 906, found at http://www.memritv.org/search.asp is a very effective
tool for recruiting Iranian children to become suicide bombers.
The following was written by Rev. Bob Vincent.
When I had our Muslim Imam give a lecture to my class last year, I had
planted a question with a student: "In Islam how can I know for sure that I
am going to heaven?"
The Imam's answer was: "You cannot know. But neither can you know this in
Christianity. No one can know if he has done enough good in order to know
that he is going to heaven."
The next day I pointed out to my high school seniors that both Muslims and
Christians can know that they are going to heaven. There is one infallible
way to know, according to the teachings of both faiths. In Christianity,
everyone who has turned from his sins and put his trust in the Lord Jesus
Christ can know that he is going to heaven. In Islam, everyone who dies in
battle, defending Islam is assured of heaven:
"When you meet the unbelievers, smite their necks, then, when you have made wide slaughter among them, tie fast the bonds; then set them free, either by grace or ransom, till the war lays down its loads. So it shall be; and if God had willed, He would have avenged Himself upon them; but that He may try some of you by means of others. And those who are slain in the way of God,
He will not send their works astray. He will guide them, and dispose their minds aright, and He will admit them to Paradise, that He has made known to
them." (Koran XLVII:4-8)
"So let them fight in the way of God who sell the present life for the world to come; and whosoever fights in the way of God and is slain, or conquers, We shall bring him a mighty wage." (Koran IV:75)
"God has bought from the believers their selves and their possessions against the gift of Paradise; they fight in the way of God; they kill, and are killed; that is a promise binding upon God in the Torah, and the Gospel, and the Koran; and who fulfills his covenant truer than God?" (Koran IX:110)
"Surely the godfearing shall be in a station secure among gardens and fountains, robed in silk and brocade, set face to face. Even so; and We shall espouse them to wide-eyed houris,* therein calling for every fruit, secure." (Koran XLIV:52)
To retreat before the enemy in a Jihad, unless it was for tactical reasons, was an absolute guarantee of instantly going to a burning hell: "O believers, when you encounter the unbelievers marching to battle, turn not your backs to them. Whoso turns his back that day to them, unless
withdrawing to fight again or removing to join another host, he is laden with the burden of God's anger, and his refuge is Gehenna—an evil homecoming!" (Koran VIII:15)
*(Houri: a black-eyed woman 1. any of the beautiful nymphs of the Moslem Paradise, among the rewards of faithful Moslems 2. a seductively beautiful woman)
Bob
bob@rbvincent.com
www.rbvincent.com
Monday, November 14, 2005
What is the Goal of A Church Leader?
The topic of leadership is very popular and it seems to me that most folks are pretty confused about what good church leaders do.
Who do good leaders lead?
Who are the followers?
Why are leaders needed?
A bad definition: Leaders competently lead followers toward a goal. One cannot be a leader is no one is following.
A good definition: Leaders facilitate the development of processes and systems in such a way that many leaders are developed.
For example, a small group of ten persons ought to have ten leaders, none of whom is doing the same things but all of whom are using their gifts, talents and call.
Imagine that such a group has one member that calls them together, another that organizes the fellowship, another who leads worship, another the word, another ministry, another outreach, another prayer, etc. This is how every person leads.
Try this exercise some time with your group. Get into groups of three and answer this question: "What organ or member leads the human body?"
The topic of leadership is very popular and it seems to me that most folks are pretty confused about what good church leaders do.
Who do good leaders lead?
Who are the followers?
Why are leaders needed?
A bad definition: Leaders competently lead followers toward a goal. One cannot be a leader is no one is following.
A good definition: Leaders facilitate the development of processes and systems in such a way that many leaders are developed.
For example, a small group of ten persons ought to have ten leaders, none of whom is doing the same things but all of whom are using their gifts, talents and call.
Imagine that such a group has one member that calls them together, another that organizes the fellowship, another who leads worship, another the word, another ministry, another outreach, another prayer, etc. This is how every person leads.
Try this exercise some time with your group. Get into groups of three and answer this question: "What organ or member leads the human body?"
Sunday, November 13, 2005
SCARY" STATISTICS
Journal of the American Medical Association
Several surveys conducted during the past decade suggest that the prevalence of depression among college students is growing, and that it eclipses the rate in the general public. Richard Kadison, MD, chief of the Mental Health Service at Harvard's University Health Services in Boston, Mass, offered what he called some "scary" statistics.
Citing a 2000 survey by the American College Health Association, Kadison said that within the last school year, 61% of college students reported feeling hopeless, 45% said they felt so depressed they could barely function, and 9% felt suicidal. The National Mental Health Association's College Student and Depression Pilot Initiative lists suicide as the second leading cause of death among college students.
Another survey by researchers at Kansas State University in Manhattan has shown that from 1988-1992 to 1996-2001, the proportion of students who came to its counseling center with depression increased from 21% to 41%.
A 1999 survey by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, reported that 30% of college freshman felt overwhelmed by the transition to campus life, compared with only 16% in 1985. The US Surgeon General's report on mental health in 1999 indicated that about 20% of US adults will experience depression at some time in their lives.
What can we do?
Work on preparing kids for college. Teach them skills in communication, problem solving and conflict management. Also, how to Renew their minds with the Bible.
In preparation for the conference, Todd Sevig, PhD, director of the University of Michigan Counseling and Psychological Services, examined 1992-2002 utilization data from counseling centers at the 11 universities that comprise the Big Ten Conference. "There has been roughly a 42% increase in the number of students seen at these counseling centers," he said.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), in Boston, also has recorded an increase in the number of students seeking counseling. Kristine Girard, MD, chief of Mental Health Services, said that from 1995 to 2000, the proportion of the student body seeking counseling increased from 8% to 12%. "That figure continues to rise at about 1% per year, and it taxes our services," said Girard.
Journal of the American Medical Association
Several surveys conducted during the past decade suggest that the prevalence of depression among college students is growing, and that it eclipses the rate in the general public. Richard Kadison, MD, chief of the Mental Health Service at Harvard's University Health Services in Boston, Mass, offered what he called some "scary" statistics.
Citing a 2000 survey by the American College Health Association, Kadison said that within the last school year, 61% of college students reported feeling hopeless, 45% said they felt so depressed they could barely function, and 9% felt suicidal. The National Mental Health Association's College Student and Depression Pilot Initiative lists suicide as the second leading cause of death among college students.
Another survey by researchers at Kansas State University in Manhattan has shown that from 1988-1992 to 1996-2001, the proportion of students who came to its counseling center with depression increased from 21% to 41%.
A 1999 survey by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, reported that 30% of college freshman felt overwhelmed by the transition to campus life, compared with only 16% in 1985. The US Surgeon General's report on mental health in 1999 indicated that about 20% of US adults will experience depression at some time in their lives.
What can we do?
Work on preparing kids for college. Teach them skills in communication, problem solving and conflict management. Also, how to Renew their minds with the Bible.
In preparation for the conference, Todd Sevig, PhD, director of the University of Michigan Counseling and Psychological Services, examined 1992-2002 utilization data from counseling centers at the 11 universities that comprise the Big Ten Conference. "There has been roughly a 42% increase in the number of students seen at these counseling centers," he said.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), in Boston, also has recorded an increase in the number of students seeking counseling. Kristine Girard, MD, chief of Mental Health Services, said that from 1995 to 2000, the proportion of the student body seeking counseling increased from 8% to 12%. "That figure continues to rise at about 1% per year, and it taxes our services," said Girard.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Coach or Counselor: Which is Best for You?
We are all familiar with coaches because so many of us have helped our kids soccer and baseball teams. In addition ot a Coach most school and professional teams also have a Trainer and a Doctor in case some of the players get hurt in the games.
Coaches focus on gaining skills and discovering sports talents. Their goal is to help the players grow in resiliency and strength as well as have fun. Although a Coach may give First Aid to a player in an emergency the Physician would be called asap to care for the long term needs of the injured member.
The same is true for Personal and Executive Coaches. We focus on Positive Strengths like developing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and discovering God's gifts and call in life and work. We know from experience and research, to say nothing about the Bible, that people live much more satisfied lives when they develop high levels of love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, kindness and patience.
I am a Family Therapist who can help people severely wounded in the game of life. For thirty years I have provided Clinical Counseling to hundreds of the Greater Cincinnati community. However, I greatly prefer being a Coach that shows folks how to prevent injuries in the first place. In fact I have spent far more time Training Coaches how to Coach and have set up Coaching Centers all over the world.
If you are interested in being Coached or being a Coach, give me a call or write a comment.
We are all familiar with coaches because so many of us have helped our kids soccer and baseball teams. In addition ot a Coach most school and professional teams also have a Trainer and a Doctor in case some of the players get hurt in the games.
Coaches focus on gaining skills and discovering sports talents. Their goal is to help the players grow in resiliency and strength as well as have fun. Although a Coach may give First Aid to a player in an emergency the Physician would be called asap to care for the long term needs of the injured member.
The same is true for Personal and Executive Coaches. We focus on Positive Strengths like developing the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and discovering God's gifts and call in life and work. We know from experience and research, to say nothing about the Bible, that people live much more satisfied lives when they develop high levels of love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, kindness and patience.
I am a Family Therapist who can help people severely wounded in the game of life. For thirty years I have provided Clinical Counseling to hundreds of the Greater Cincinnati community. However, I greatly prefer being a Coach that shows folks how to prevent injuries in the first place. In fact I have spent far more time Training Coaches how to Coach and have set up Coaching Centers all over the world.
If you are interested in being Coached or being a Coach, give me a call or write a comment.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Want to be a Change Agent?
In 1968-69 I made some huge mistakes while trying to get my church to try some great ideas. I was getting my doctorate at University of Cincinnati and began to focus on the power of small groups to support people as they grew in purpose, skills and healthy relationships. I was high on the possibilities of using small groups in the church to facilitate Christian education.
Then Karen and I went over to Indiana to a Yokefellow's Conference and heard some powerful Christian leaders tell how small groups were already being used to facilitate healing, growth and Biblical insights. I was thrilled and convinced that I could start a small group study among our college and career students at Dent Baptist Church. A year later I had been told to stop all my small group activities and asked to leave the church.
Looking back it is obvious that I took a great idea and make it a bitter pill for the church to swallow. I had not intended to cause a ruckus but I did. Motivation does not mean much if the skill of implementation is done poorly.
How to Foster Change Without Killing the People Involved
With these former failed experiences ringing in my ears I sought knowledge and wisdom about how to be a successful change agent. Like successful doctors, these are the change agents whose patients actually survive the operation. Here are some of the lessons I have learned.
1. Go slowly. Doing the right things in the right way means the difference between success and failure. As my dad often said, "Decide in haste and repent at leisure."
2. Manage the process not the people. Design a good process and conflicts, complaints and troubled people will more than likely be kept on board and a split avoided.
3. Expect about 5% of the people to love the changes and 5% to hate them. No matter what you try the "Never Adopters" will resist and the "Early Adopters" will applaud. People with thin skin are not meant to be change agents.
4. Clearly communicate your dream and vision. People will likely rally around a big picture.
5. Get the influencer on your team. Archimedes said he could move the world if he had a long enough lever but he was wrong. Where we place the lever, the fulcrum, is even more important to change. Use key people as your fulcrum.
6. Do not ask permission about going for your dream.
7. People, organizations go thro various stages of change. You need to learn the stages and know what is effective for you to do at each of them.
Read my book: Hope and change for Humpty Dumpty for hints and answers to all of these.
In 1968-69 I made some huge mistakes while trying to get my church to try some great ideas. I was getting my doctorate at University of Cincinnati and began to focus on the power of small groups to support people as they grew in purpose, skills and healthy relationships. I was high on the possibilities of using small groups in the church to facilitate Christian education.
Then Karen and I went over to Indiana to a Yokefellow's Conference and heard some powerful Christian leaders tell how small groups were already being used to facilitate healing, growth and Biblical insights. I was thrilled and convinced that I could start a small group study among our college and career students at Dent Baptist Church. A year later I had been told to stop all my small group activities and asked to leave the church.
Looking back it is obvious that I took a great idea and make it a bitter pill for the church to swallow. I had not intended to cause a ruckus but I did. Motivation does not mean much if the skill of implementation is done poorly.
How to Foster Change Without Killing the People Involved
With these former failed experiences ringing in my ears I sought knowledge and wisdom about how to be a successful change agent. Like successful doctors, these are the change agents whose patients actually survive the operation. Here are some of the lessons I have learned.
1. Go slowly. Doing the right things in the right way means the difference between success and failure. As my dad often said, "Decide in haste and repent at leisure."
2. Manage the process not the people. Design a good process and conflicts, complaints and troubled people will more than likely be kept on board and a split avoided.
3. Expect about 5% of the people to love the changes and 5% to hate them. No matter what you try the "Never Adopters" will resist and the "Early Adopters" will applaud. People with thin skin are not meant to be change agents.
4. Clearly communicate your dream and vision. People will likely rally around a big picture.
5. Get the influencer on your team. Archimedes said he could move the world if he had a long enough lever but he was wrong. Where we place the lever, the fulcrum, is even more important to change. Use key people as your fulcrum.
6. Do not ask permission about going for your dream.
7. People, organizations go thro various stages of change. You need to learn the stages and know what is effective for you to do at each of them.
Read my book: Hope and change for Humpty Dumpty for hints and answers to all of these.
Essential Social Skills for Children and Adolescents
The violence among young people concerns us all. We see the horrible images of young people lying on bloody floors of school buildings across America and we can hardly comprehend it. There are, of course, no instant experts and no instant answers. However, we do have some ideas about ways to help adolescents develop the interpersonal and social skills necessary for life and which can reduce their need to react so violently to the issues in their lives.
Overall, the data on reducing adolescent problems are clear. Involve our children in church, extra-curricular school activities and give them relationships with caring adults who will listen to them. All these activities build into the children’s lives several factors of great importance. Structure, discipline, adult role models, hard work and good social skills are essential dimensions for reducing violence. This list records the most important skills.
Beginning Social Skills
1. Listening to other people
2. Preparing for a conversation-focusing on a topic
3. Starting a conversation
4. Carrying out an interactive conversation
5. Asking good questions
6. Saying, thank you
7. Self introduction
8. Introducing other people
9. Offering compliments to others
Advanced Social Skills
10. Asking why
11. Asking for help
12. Joining in with others
13. Giving instructions
14. Following instructions
15. Apologizing
16. Convincing others
Life Matters Radio Program 93.3 FM at 9:25 in the morning
The violence among young people concerns us all. We see the horrible images of young people lying on bloody floors of school buildings across America and we can hardly comprehend it. There are, of course, no instant experts and no instant answers. However, we do have some ideas about ways to help adolescents develop the interpersonal and social skills necessary for life and which can reduce their need to react so violently to the issues in their lives.
Overall, the data on reducing adolescent problems are clear. Involve our children in church, extra-curricular school activities and give them relationships with caring adults who will listen to them. All these activities build into the children’s lives several factors of great importance. Structure, discipline, adult role models, hard work and good social skills are essential dimensions for reducing violence. This list records the most important skills.
Beginning Social Skills
1. Listening to other people
2. Preparing for a conversation-focusing on a topic
3. Starting a conversation
4. Carrying out an interactive conversation
5. Asking good questions
6. Saying, thank you
7. Self introduction
8. Introducing other people
9. Offering compliments to others
Advanced Social Skills
10. Asking why
11. Asking for help
12. Joining in with others
13. Giving instructions
14. Following instructions
15. Apologizing
16. Convincing others
Life Matters Radio Program 93.3 FM at 9:25 in the morning
Social Skills for Success
These skills are learned through modeling as well as teaching.
Alternatives to aggression
1. Asking permission
2. Sharing with others
3. Helping others
4. Negotiation
5. Self-control
6. Standing up for personal rights
7. Saying no
8. Responding to teasing
9. Avoiding trouble with others
10. Keeping out of fights
These skills are learned through modeling as well as teaching.
Alternatives to aggression
1. Asking permission
2. Sharing with others
3. Helping others
4. Negotiation
5. Self-control
6. Standing up for personal rights
7. Saying no
8. Responding to teasing
9. Avoiding trouble with others
10. Keeping out of fights
Rearing Good Kids
The advanced skills required for a successful life start at home and continue throughout life. Most divorces and business conflicts can be found in the failure to proactice these skills.
Stress Skills
1. Expressing a complaint
2. Answering a complaint
3. Talking about feelings after a competition
4. Dealing with embarrassment
5. Dealing with being ignored
6. Resisting group pressure
7. Responding to failure
8. Dealing with false accusations
Planning Skills
9. Dealing with boredom
10. Suggesting something to do
11. Finding a problem’s cause
12. Setting a goal
13. Gathering information
14. Prioritizing problems
15. Making decisions
16. Concentrating on a task
Adapted from Goldstein, A.P., Sherman, M., Gershaw, N.J., Sprafkin, R.P., and Glick. Training Aggressive Youth in Prosocial Behavior, Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Vol. 7, No. 1, 1973.
Lifeway Counseling Centers, 11161 Kenwood Rd, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242, 513-769-4600
The advanced skills required for a successful life start at home and continue throughout life. Most divorces and business conflicts can be found in the failure to proactice these skills.
Stress Skills
1. Expressing a complaint
2. Answering a complaint
3. Talking about feelings after a competition
4. Dealing with embarrassment
5. Dealing with being ignored
6. Resisting group pressure
7. Responding to failure
8. Dealing with false accusations
Planning Skills
9. Dealing with boredom
10. Suggesting something to do
11. Finding a problem’s cause
12. Setting a goal
13. Gathering information
14. Prioritizing problems
15. Making decisions
16. Concentrating on a task
Adapted from Goldstein, A.P., Sherman, M., Gershaw, N.J., Sprafkin, R.P., and Glick. Training Aggressive Youth in Prosocial Behavior, Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Vol. 7, No. 1, 1973.
Lifeway Counseling Centers, 11161 Kenwood Rd, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242, 513-769-4600
Do You Remember?
A few years ago the Ad Council ran TV commercials showing two eggs frying in a skillet. At the end a voice cam on and said, "This is your brain on drugs."
These ads were extremely successful in getting the attention of the public and many parents thought they were great. Unfortunately they failed miserably to persuade kids to abstain from drugs.
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is..." This was one of the most memorable ads in the history of Television. Almost everyone alive at that time can still remember seeing it and can sing the little ditty that accompanied it. Unfortunately, it was a very expensive failure because almost nobody was persuaded to buy Alka Seltzer as a result of seeing it.
Because of research about drug, alcohol and suicide prevention we know a lot about the things that do not work with adults or kids. Unfortunately, sober adults, especially preachers, seem to love the things that fail. They can remember and repeat the slogans, statistics and warnings about "sex, drugs and rock music" but almost no one tempted by these devilish problems is deterred.
The only people who like hard sell activities of preaching prevention are the young people who have already decided not to indulge in them. Preaching is almost always designed to scare the kids who are already scared. They are already obedient, compliant and easily disciplined so the sermons work with them.
Kids that are rebellious, anti authoritarian and drawn to alcohol, drugs and sex will be motivated even more to engage in those activities.
I am often asked how to "Motivate the unmotivated". Be very careful. We often come up with slogans like, "This is your brain on drugs" and they tend to motivate the unmotivated to be LESS motivated to do what we want and MORE motivated to rebel.
Kids who spend time with adults are less likely to do bad things.
Kids who have a single adult LISTEN to them are mush less likely to be victimized. (Get my book on listening.)
Kids who are involved in positive activities with positive peers are less likely to get into trouble.
Develop good boundaries, family rules about curfews, eating together, automobile usage, mutual respect, etc.
Take them to church regularly.
A few years ago the Ad Council ran TV commercials showing two eggs frying in a skillet. At the end a voice cam on and said, "This is your brain on drugs."
These ads were extremely successful in getting the attention of the public and many parents thought they were great. Unfortunately they failed miserably to persuade kids to abstain from drugs.
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is..." This was one of the most memorable ads in the history of Television. Almost everyone alive at that time can still remember seeing it and can sing the little ditty that accompanied it. Unfortunately, it was a very expensive failure because almost nobody was persuaded to buy Alka Seltzer as a result of seeing it.
Because of research about drug, alcohol and suicide prevention we know a lot about the things that do not work with adults or kids. Unfortunately, sober adults, especially preachers, seem to love the things that fail. They can remember and repeat the slogans, statistics and warnings about "sex, drugs and rock music" but almost no one tempted by these devilish problems is deterred.
The only people who like hard sell activities of preaching prevention are the young people who have already decided not to indulge in them. Preaching is almost always designed to scare the kids who are already scared. They are already obedient, compliant and easily disciplined so the sermons work with them.
Kids that are rebellious, anti authoritarian and drawn to alcohol, drugs and sex will be motivated even more to engage in those activities.
I am often asked how to "Motivate the unmotivated". Be very careful. We often come up with slogans like, "This is your brain on drugs" and they tend to motivate the unmotivated to be LESS motivated to do what we want and MORE motivated to rebel.
Kids who spend time with adults are less likely to do bad things.
Kids who have a single adult LISTEN to them are mush less likely to be victimized. (Get my book on listening.)
Kids who are involved in positive activities with positive peers are less likely to get into trouble.
Develop good boundaries, family rules about curfews, eating together, automobile usage, mutual respect, etc.
Take them to church regularly.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Seligman on Prevention
Martin Seligman, one of the most influential modern psychologists in the world, tells us what works in prevention and human growth. It is not scare tactics, hell fire and brimstone sermons or anxious warnings.
I've worked in prevention for the last 15 years or so, and I thought when I started that what prevention would be about was what this group of prevention experts told me it was about; it was about the medical model done early. And then as the prevention literature started to emerge on what worked and what didn't work, it turned out that virtually nothing that we had learned about the biology of mental illness or the psychotherapy for mental illness was applicable to prevention, that prevention wasn't about repairing damage.
Rather, the things that worked, in my own life will work with kids. I changed my attitude and it changed my behavior and my feelings. I decided to become more optimistic. We taught young people how to deal with Adversity in a positive manner.
We taught children the skills of thinking about bad events as local and specific problems. They became accurate in their attributions. By doing that one simple thing we can cut the rate of depression by about fifty percent.
Prevention, is not about repairing damage. It's about taking the human strength, hope, optimism, future-mindedness and building it and using that as a buffer against depression.
... if you're interested in preventing schizophrenia in kids that are genetically vulnerable to schizophrenia, if you're interested in preventing drug abuse in kids that are vulnerable to it because they live in the wrong neighborhood, if you're interested in preventing depression for people who are going to come across awful events, it's not the medical techniques, it's not the psychotherapy techniques that are useful, but rather there are a set of human virtues, human strengths, which are the great buffers against these conditions.
Courage, hope, interpersonal skill, perseverance, honesty, work ethic, capacity for pleasure, future-mindedness, capacity for insight, just to name a few.
These three remain, faith, hope and love but the greatest is love. I Corninthians 13
Martin Seligman, one of the most influential modern psychologists in the world, tells us what works in prevention and human growth. It is not scare tactics, hell fire and brimstone sermons or anxious warnings.
I've worked in prevention for the last 15 years or so, and I thought when I started that what prevention would be about was what this group of prevention experts told me it was about; it was about the medical model done early. And then as the prevention literature started to emerge on what worked and what didn't work, it turned out that virtually nothing that we had learned about the biology of mental illness or the psychotherapy for mental illness was applicable to prevention, that prevention wasn't about repairing damage.
Rather, the things that worked, in my own life will work with kids. I changed my attitude and it changed my behavior and my feelings. I decided to become more optimistic. We taught young people how to deal with Adversity in a positive manner.
We taught children the skills of thinking about bad events as local and specific problems. They became accurate in their attributions. By doing that one simple thing we can cut the rate of depression by about fifty percent.
Prevention, is not about repairing damage. It's about taking the human strength, hope, optimism, future-mindedness and building it and using that as a buffer against depression.
... if you're interested in preventing schizophrenia in kids that are genetically vulnerable to schizophrenia, if you're interested in preventing drug abuse in kids that are vulnerable to it because they live in the wrong neighborhood, if you're interested in preventing depression for people who are going to come across awful events, it's not the medical techniques, it's not the psychotherapy techniques that are useful, but rather there are a set of human virtues, human strengths, which are the great buffers against these conditions.
Courage, hope, interpersonal skill, perseverance, honesty, work ethic, capacity for pleasure, future-mindedness, capacity for insight, just to name a few.
These three remain, faith, hope and love but the greatest is love. I Corninthians 13
The Positive Effects of Religiosity on Recovery from Alcohol Abuse
Using the Virginia Twin Registry as a data base, researcher Kendler (1997) investigated the effects of personal involvement in religion on substance use and dependence. The study found that personal devotion acted as a buffer against life stress and that personal religious conservatism was inversely related to the amount of current alcohol use and lifetime risk of smoking. Membership in a conservative religious institution was further associated with a decreased lifetime risk of major depression.
For years, beginning in earnest with Freud and continuing in its most malignant form with figures like Albert Ellis, members of the psychology community have attributed all manner of psychological and social ills to religion. Clearly, this research suggests that the opposite may be true and that religion may play a helpful role in protecting people from life stress and risk of substance abuse.
Kendler, K.S. (1997). Religion, psychopathology, and substance use and abuse: A multimeasure, genetic, epidemiologic study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 154, 322-329.
Using the Virginia Twin Registry as a data base, researcher Kendler (1997) investigated the effects of personal involvement in religion on substance use and dependence. The study found that personal devotion acted as a buffer against life stress and that personal religious conservatism was inversely related to the amount of current alcohol use and lifetime risk of smoking. Membership in a conservative religious institution was further associated with a decreased lifetime risk of major depression.
For years, beginning in earnest with Freud and continuing in its most malignant form with figures like Albert Ellis, members of the psychology community have attributed all manner of psychological and social ills to religion. Clearly, this research suggests that the opposite may be true and that religion may play a helpful role in protecting people from life stress and risk of substance abuse.
Kendler, K.S. (1997). Religion, psychopathology, and substance use and abuse: A multimeasure, genetic, epidemiologic study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 154, 322-329.
D.A.R.E. to Give Up: What to do when a Politically Popular Idea Just Doesn't Work?
The politicians love it and alcohol and drug treatment professionals support it: the D.A.R.E. program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). The data from this 10 year follow-up of kids in the program compared to those who received a standard drug education curriculum, however, show that the program simply doesn't work.
Researchers Lyman, et al (1999) found NO differences between the two groups in actual drug use, drug attitudes, self-esteem, or on any other measure of successful outcome. The authors suggest that the reason for the continued popularity of the approach in spite of a lack of support is that the program is a "feel-good" approach that everyone can support. In spite of a lack of efficacy, in other words, it seems like something is being done.
Lyman, D.R. et al. (1999). Project DARE. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(4), 590-3.
The politicians love it and alcohol and drug treatment professionals support it: the D.A.R.E. program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). The data from this 10 year follow-up of kids in the program compared to those who received a standard drug education curriculum, however, show that the program simply doesn't work.
Researchers Lyman, et al (1999) found NO differences between the two groups in actual drug use, drug attitudes, self-esteem, or on any other measure of successful outcome. The authors suggest that the reason for the continued popularity of the approach in spite of a lack of support is that the program is a "feel-good" approach that everyone can support. In spite of a lack of efficacy, in other words, it seems like something is being done.
Lyman, D.R. et al. (1999). Project DARE. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(4), 590-3.
Hardwired to Connect
A national report by a blue ribbon commission says:
A ... significant body of research also shows that people are ``hardwired" for meaning, born with a built-in capacity and drive to ask the ultimate questions about life's purpose: Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? How should I live? What will happen when I die?
Across time and cultures, this distinctively human pursuit has been closely connected to spiritual seeking and experience and to religious belief and practice. Using brain imaging, neuroscientists Eugene d Aquili and Andrew B. Newberg's have found that the same part of the brain that underlies the human need to seek answers to what is true about life's deepest questions also underlies many spiritual and religious experiences. In other words, the pursuit of meaning appears to be physiologically linked to spiritual and religious seeking.
To date the influence of religion on U.S. young people has been ``grossly understudied," according to Byron Johnson of the University of Pennsylvania. However, existing research is highly suggestive.
For adolescents, religiosity is significantly associated with a reduced likelihood of both unintentional and intentional injury (both of which are leading causes of death for teenagers. Homicides, suicides and accidents account for 85 percent of all deaths among early to late adolescents).
Religious teenagers are safer drivers and are more likely to wear seatbelts than their less religious peers. They are less likely to become juvenile delinquents or adult criminals. They are less prone to substance abuse. They are less likely to endorse engaging in high-risk behavior or the idea of enjoying danger.
On the positive side of the coin, religiously committed teenagers are more likely to volunteer in the community, to participate in sports and student government, to have high self-esteem and more positive attitudes about life.
Much of this research is based on large national studies. One religious quality that appears to be especially beneficial, in terms of mental health and lifestyle consequences, is what some scholars call personal devotion, or the young person's sense of participating in a ``direct personal relationship with the Divine." Personal devotion among adolescents in associated with reduced risk-taking, more effectively resolving feelings of loneliness, greater regard for self and for others, and a stronger sense that life has meaning and purpose.
These protective effects of personal devotion are twice as great for adolescents as they are for adults. This last finding clearly reinforces the idea, found in many cross-national studies, that adolescence is a time of particularly intense searching for, and openness to, the transcendent. Here is how Lisa Miller of Columbia University puts it: ``A search for spiritual relationship with the Creator may be an inherent developmental process in adolescence." For this reason, the Commission is recommending that our society as a whole, and youth advocates and youth service professionals in particular, should pay greater attention to this aspect of youth development.
This task will not be easy, the Commission's warns in its report. Because we are a philosophically diverse and religiously plural society, many of our youth-serving programs and social environments for young people will need to find ways respectfully to reflect that diversity and pluralism. But that is a challenge to be embraced, not avoided.
One of the many problems with the avoidance strategy is that denying or ignoring the spiritual needs of adolescents may end up creating a void in their lives that either devolves into depression or is filled by other forms of questing and challenge, such as drinking, unbridled consumerism, petty crime, sexual precocity, or flirtations with violence.
Get kids to God!
A national report by a blue ribbon commission says:
A ... significant body of research also shows that people are ``hardwired" for meaning, born with a built-in capacity and drive to ask the ultimate questions about life's purpose: Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? How should I live? What will happen when I die?
Across time and cultures, this distinctively human pursuit has been closely connected to spiritual seeking and experience and to religious belief and practice. Using brain imaging, neuroscientists Eugene d Aquili and Andrew B. Newberg's have found that the same part of the brain that underlies the human need to seek answers to what is true about life's deepest questions also underlies many spiritual and religious experiences. In other words, the pursuit of meaning appears to be physiologically linked to spiritual and religious seeking.
To date the influence of religion on U.S. young people has been ``grossly understudied," according to Byron Johnson of the University of Pennsylvania. However, existing research is highly suggestive.
For adolescents, religiosity is significantly associated with a reduced likelihood of both unintentional and intentional injury (both of which are leading causes of death for teenagers. Homicides, suicides and accidents account for 85 percent of all deaths among early to late adolescents).
Religious teenagers are safer drivers and are more likely to wear seatbelts than their less religious peers. They are less likely to become juvenile delinquents or adult criminals. They are less prone to substance abuse. They are less likely to endorse engaging in high-risk behavior or the idea of enjoying danger.
On the positive side of the coin, religiously committed teenagers are more likely to volunteer in the community, to participate in sports and student government, to have high self-esteem and more positive attitudes about life.
Much of this research is based on large national studies. One religious quality that appears to be especially beneficial, in terms of mental health and lifestyle consequences, is what some scholars call personal devotion, or the young person's sense of participating in a ``direct personal relationship with the Divine." Personal devotion among adolescents in associated with reduced risk-taking, more effectively resolving feelings of loneliness, greater regard for self and for others, and a stronger sense that life has meaning and purpose.
These protective effects of personal devotion are twice as great for adolescents as they are for adults. This last finding clearly reinforces the idea, found in many cross-national studies, that adolescence is a time of particularly intense searching for, and openness to, the transcendent. Here is how Lisa Miller of Columbia University puts it: ``A search for spiritual relationship with the Creator may be an inherent developmental process in adolescence." For this reason, the Commission is recommending that our society as a whole, and youth advocates and youth service professionals in particular, should pay greater attention to this aspect of youth development.
This task will not be easy, the Commission's warns in its report. Because we are a philosophically diverse and religiously plural society, many of our youth-serving programs and social environments for young people will need to find ways respectfully to reflect that diversity and pluralism. But that is a challenge to be embraced, not avoided.
One of the many problems with the avoidance strategy is that denying or ignoring the spiritual needs of adolescents may end up creating a void in their lives that either devolves into depression or is filled by other forms of questing and challenge, such as drinking, unbridled consumerism, petty crime, sexual precocity, or flirtations with violence.
Get kids to God!
Alcohol is the Most Dangerous Drug in the United States
Although we hear a lot about illegal drug use alcohol is still the leading cause of drug damage in the USA ans around the world.
Alcohol abuse is the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States (4% of the total deaths in 2000), and is a factor in approximately 41% of all deaths from motor vehicle crashes.
Among youth, the use of alcohol and other drugs has also been linked to unintentional injuries, physical fights, academic and occupational problems, and illegal behavior.
Long-term alcohol misuse is associated with liver disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and neurological damage as well as psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety, and antisocial personality disorder.
Drug use contributes directly and indirectly to the HIV epidemic, and alcohol and drug use contribute markedly to infant morbidity and mortality.
Current alcohol use among high school students remained steady from 1991 to 1999, with a significant decrease from 50% in 1999 to 45% in 2003. In 2003, 28% of high school students reported episodic heavy drinking.
Current marijuana use increased from 15% in 1991 to 26% in 1997, then decreased from 26% in 1997 to 22% in 2003.
Watch out for alcohol abuse by your teenage children.
Church attendance reduces risky behavior but does not guarantee healthy choices.
Although we hear a lot about illegal drug use alcohol is still the leading cause of drug damage in the USA ans around the world.
Alcohol abuse is the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States (4% of the total deaths in 2000), and is a factor in approximately 41% of all deaths from motor vehicle crashes.
Among youth, the use of alcohol and other drugs has also been linked to unintentional injuries, physical fights, academic and occupational problems, and illegal behavior.
Long-term alcohol misuse is associated with liver disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and neurological damage as well as psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety, and antisocial personality disorder.
Drug use contributes directly and indirectly to the HIV epidemic, and alcohol and drug use contribute markedly to infant morbidity and mortality.
Current alcohol use among high school students remained steady from 1991 to 1999, with a significant decrease from 50% in 1999 to 45% in 2003. In 2003, 28% of high school students reported episodic heavy drinking.
Current marijuana use increased from 15% in 1991 to 26% in 1997, then decreased from 26% in 1997 to 22% in 2003.
Watch out for alcohol abuse by your teenage children.
Church attendance reduces risky behavior but does not guarantee healthy choices.
Surrender the Desire to Control
Win the Battle for Structure
Parents are in a constant battle for control of their kids' behavior and that means they are continually losing. Kids have little to do other than whine, cajole and try to get their way. If we try to control their every emotion and action we will be exhausted and they will get their way in the end.
Here is what I mean:
Families need to set certain times to go to bed, get up in the morning, when meals are held and how many snacks can be had each day as well as what kind of snacks. This prevents parents from fighting over every meal, every bed time, every snack and ever home work. Fight the battle for structure one time and get it set in stone.
If we get upset or concerned every time one of our children gets mad, sad or upset with us and start negotiating the rules or the event, we will always be in chaos. It is natural and normal for kids to get upset. It is GOOD for kids to get mad, sad and act bad. It is the only way they can learn to manage their emotions.
Read this example about how a simple yellow line on the sidewalk provided the structure that transformed the unruly behavior of New Yorkers into patience.
Yellow Line Transforms Behavior
Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for The New York Times Magazine, says:In New York at 33rd and Broadway, it's a big transportation hub. Penn Station's right there. A lot of commuter trains stop there, a major subway stop.
Thousands and thousands of people pouring out and what everybody wants more than anything else is: They want a taxi the most appalling episodes of violence I've seen since I've been here and I've been in New York for 30 years and all kinds of angry acts were committed there.
Then about 10 years ago, someone, I guess, the Taxi and Limousine Commission, they did something very simple. They painted a yellow strip down the sidewalk and they stenciled two words on the sidewalk: Cab Line.
It utterly transformed behavior there. It's the most astonishing thing. Nearly everyone, almost all the time, simply waits in line. It's magnificent.
It's never enforced, there are no "line" police there. But we changed the physical conditions and made it possible for people to behave, invited them to behave, and they do!
Moms and Dads can transform the behavior of kids by putting simple rules into place with few words. There is no need to explode or argue or cajole them. JUST DO IT!
Win the Battle for Structure
Parents are in a constant battle for control of their kids' behavior and that means they are continually losing. Kids have little to do other than whine, cajole and try to get their way. If we try to control their every emotion and action we will be exhausted and they will get their way in the end.
Here is what I mean:
Families need to set certain times to go to bed, get up in the morning, when meals are held and how many snacks can be had each day as well as what kind of snacks. This prevents parents from fighting over every meal, every bed time, every snack and ever home work. Fight the battle for structure one time and get it set in stone.
If we get upset or concerned every time one of our children gets mad, sad or upset with us and start negotiating the rules or the event, we will always be in chaos. It is natural and normal for kids to get upset. It is GOOD for kids to get mad, sad and act bad. It is the only way they can learn to manage their emotions.
Read this example about how a simple yellow line on the sidewalk provided the structure that transformed the unruly behavior of New Yorkers into patience.
Yellow Line Transforms Behavior
Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for The New York Times Magazine, says:In New York at 33rd and Broadway, it's a big transportation hub. Penn Station's right there. A lot of commuter trains stop there, a major subway stop.
Thousands and thousands of people pouring out and what everybody wants more than anything else is: They want a taxi the most appalling episodes of violence I've seen since I've been here and I've been in New York for 30 years and all kinds of angry acts were committed there.
Then about 10 years ago, someone, I guess, the Taxi and Limousine Commission, they did something very simple. They painted a yellow strip down the sidewalk and they stenciled two words on the sidewalk: Cab Line.
It utterly transformed behavior there. It's the most astonishing thing. Nearly everyone, almost all the time, simply waits in line. It's magnificent.
It's never enforced, there are no "line" police there. But we changed the physical conditions and made it possible for people to behave, invited them to behave, and they do!
Moms and Dads can transform the behavior of kids by putting simple rules into place with few words. There is no need to explode or argue or cajole them. JUST DO IT!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Think You Have Troubles?
Thomas Cooper was born in Oxford, England in 1517. After receiving his degree from Oxford University, he practiced as a physician. In 1548, he began his literary career when he edited a Latin dictionary.
In 1549, Cooper began working on a comprehensive thesaurus. During the next eight years, he systematically chronicled 33,000 entries. Now Cooper had a wife who became jealous of his work. One day in 1557, she went into Thomas’ study and burned all of his notes on the pretence that he would kill himself with study.
Arriving home soon afterward, Thomas asked who had caused this destruction.His wife boldly replied that she had burned his notes.“Oh Dinah, Dinah, thou hast given me a world of trouble” sighed Thomas.
He then sat down and for the next eight years he recreated the notes destroyed by his wife. In 1565 appeared the first edition of his greatest work, Thesaurus Linguae Romanae et Britannicae, and this was followed by three other editions.
Queen Elizabeth was greatly pleased with the Thesaurus, generally known as Cooper’s Dictionary and in 1571 she made him the bishop of Lincoln.
He may have pleased the Queen, but his wife was upset.
Thomas Cooper was born in Oxford, England in 1517. After receiving his degree from Oxford University, he practiced as a physician. In 1548, he began his literary career when he edited a Latin dictionary.
In 1549, Cooper began working on a comprehensive thesaurus. During the next eight years, he systematically chronicled 33,000 entries. Now Cooper had a wife who became jealous of his work. One day in 1557, she went into Thomas’ study and burned all of his notes on the pretence that he would kill himself with study.
Arriving home soon afterward, Thomas asked who had caused this destruction.His wife boldly replied that she had burned his notes.“Oh Dinah, Dinah, thou hast given me a world of trouble” sighed Thomas.
He then sat down and for the next eight years he recreated the notes destroyed by his wife. In 1565 appeared the first edition of his greatest work, Thesaurus Linguae Romanae et Britannicae, and this was followed by three other editions.
Queen Elizabeth was greatly pleased with the Thesaurus, generally known as Cooper’s Dictionary and in 1571 she made him the bishop of Lincoln.
He may have pleased the Queen, but his wife was upset.
Do evangelical Protestant fathers really know best?
By Julia Neyman, USA TODAY
Religious men, especially evangelical Protestants, are more involved and attentive husbands and fathers than men who are not religious, new research shows.
Though they favor a patriarchal family structure, evangelical Protestant men who attend church regularly scored higher on several national surveys that evaluated levels of family involvement and affection than did men from other religious groups and men who consider themselves religiously unaffiliated. Surveys included the government's National Survey of Families and Households.
"Evangelical Protestant dads come out on top compared with every religious group in the U.S.," says University of Virginia sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, who conducted the study.
He analyzed data from three large surveys conducted several times from 1972 to 1999 that examined behaviors and attitudes toward family and gender among different religious groups, including Catholics and Protestant Christian denominations, Jews, Muslims and others. The results point to greater family involvement and less domestic violence among churchgoing Protestants, especially evangelicals, which he says include Southern Baptists, Assemblies of God, and nondenominational evangelical churches.
Wilcox says religion "domesticates men in ways that make them more retentive to the ideals and aspirations of their wives and children."
Wilcox, who is Catholic, says earlier research about Protestant religions and family life concentrated on the fact that many Protestant parents spank their children. "There was a sense that they were authoritarian parents," he says. "But my personal observations led me to believe that they were strict but affectionate parents."
He reports his findings in a new book, Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. According to his analysis, evangelical Protestant men are more likely to expect their school-age children to tell them where they are at all times and more likely to hug and be affectionate toward their kids than religiously unaffiliated men. They also spend more time in youth activities with their kids.
Religious men outscored other fathers on most family life indicators, Wilcox says, because religion stresses familial involvement.
"Religious congregations give young families social support and enforce certain norms about what it means to be a good father," Wilcox says.
One reason evangelical Protestants especially are so involved with the lives of their children is that their traditionalist social approach is at odds with popular culture, he says. Often, parents attempt to shield their children from mainstream culture, which they view as corrupt, by closely monitoring them and involving them in family and church activities.
Just go to church regularly and you can be a better dad.
By Julia Neyman, USA TODAY
Religious men, especially evangelical Protestants, are more involved and attentive husbands and fathers than men who are not religious, new research shows.
Though they favor a patriarchal family structure, evangelical Protestant men who attend church regularly scored higher on several national surveys that evaluated levels of family involvement and affection than did men from other religious groups and men who consider themselves religiously unaffiliated. Surveys included the government's National Survey of Families and Households.
"Evangelical Protestant dads come out on top compared with every religious group in the U.S.," says University of Virginia sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, who conducted the study.
He analyzed data from three large surveys conducted several times from 1972 to 1999 that examined behaviors and attitudes toward family and gender among different religious groups, including Catholics and Protestant Christian denominations, Jews, Muslims and others. The results point to greater family involvement and less domestic violence among churchgoing Protestants, especially evangelicals, which he says include Southern Baptists, Assemblies of God, and nondenominational evangelical churches.
Wilcox says religion "domesticates men in ways that make them more retentive to the ideals and aspirations of their wives and children."
Wilcox, who is Catholic, says earlier research about Protestant religions and family life concentrated on the fact that many Protestant parents spank their children. "There was a sense that they were authoritarian parents," he says. "But my personal observations led me to believe that they were strict but affectionate parents."
He reports his findings in a new book, Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. According to his analysis, evangelical Protestant men are more likely to expect their school-age children to tell them where they are at all times and more likely to hug and be affectionate toward their kids than religiously unaffiliated men. They also spend more time in youth activities with their kids.
Religious men outscored other fathers on most family life indicators, Wilcox says, because religion stresses familial involvement.
"Religious congregations give young families social support and enforce certain norms about what it means to be a good father," Wilcox says.
One reason evangelical Protestants especially are so involved with the lives of their children is that their traditionalist social approach is at odds with popular culture, he says. Often, parents attempt to shield their children from mainstream culture, which they view as corrupt, by closely monitoring them and involving them in family and church activities.
Just go to church regularly and you can be a better dad.
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