Insanity: Doing the Same Things, the Same Ways, and Expecting Different Results

For several years after getting married I was acting like an insane person. I continuously got into the same arguments with the same people in my family and carried around the same pain until my misery grew into a chronic ache. And I could not figure out why.

Karen tried to help me, but I had two degrees in counseling and education and she had none, so what did she know? But she could see my dysfunctional patterns and I could not. A person on the outside has 20/20 vision but we on the inside are blind.

She saw how Mother and I danced the exact dance every time we drove back to Ina for the holidays. Mom would complain about her depression and I would try to "make her feel better." I always failed but for 20 years or so I stayed the course and make failure a pleasant pain, like an old shoe.

Finally I got some counseling and an insightful man saw the pattern and nailed it to a tee. After some family coaching I was able to slowly but slowly change myself and stop trying to change Mother. One day I had a brilliant insight. "Why not try what I was recommending to everyone else? Why not listen to Mother and stop giving her my advice? I had written several books on listening so I had might as well try it."

I did and it broke the pattern. My dance steps changed and Mother and I developed a wonderful relationship before she went to be with the Lord.

Now I do not dread family times or holidays. We have fun since I began to listen and relax. The following photos show how much fun and enjoyment we have when we all get together.