Jacob, the Spelling Bee Champ, on the back porch at home.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Spelling Bee Champion
Last Sunday our grandson, Jacob Knispel, took center stage at St. Mark Lutheran School in Milford against the best students in all the LCMS churches in the region. During lunch Jacob informed us that he was a pretty good speller and would try to win first place against all the other kids in all the other schools.
I like Jacobs fiery competitive spirit and his self confidence. I said if he won Karen and I would put $100.00 in his College Scholarship Fund that Karen's sister has set up through State Farm Insurance. I knew this offer would put extra pressure on Jacob but it is a good thing for children to learn how to face competition and work hard to win.
Jacob has always been competitive but when he was younger it was hard for him to lose without getting emotionally upset. Our daughter and son-in-law have been working with Jacob and teaching him how to be a Tigger Kid and Bounce back from Adversity.
Our family plays a lot of board games. Jacob still finds losing difficult but he has learned a lot about managing his feelings and bouncing back to try and try again. Jacob is very skilled at games and we do not let him win just because he is only ten years old. This approach has proven to be very important in teaching Jacob to be RESILIENT, and nothing is more important to our mental health than resilience.
For the past few weeks I have been leading groups for Horizon Church on understanding and healing our family tree. In the middle of the group Jacob called me on a cell phone from the school and happily noted that I owed his College Fund a cool $100.00!
Congratulations Jacob! We are very happy to put that money toward your higher education.
Last Sunday our grandson, Jacob Knispel, took center stage at St. Mark Lutheran School in Milford against the best students in all the LCMS churches in the region. During lunch Jacob informed us that he was a pretty good speller and would try to win first place against all the other kids in all the other schools.
I like Jacobs fiery competitive spirit and his self confidence. I said if he won Karen and I would put $100.00 in his College Scholarship Fund that Karen's sister has set up through State Farm Insurance. I knew this offer would put extra pressure on Jacob but it is a good thing for children to learn how to face competition and work hard to win.
Jacob has always been competitive but when he was younger it was hard for him to lose without getting emotionally upset. Our daughter and son-in-law have been working with Jacob and teaching him how to be a Tigger Kid and Bounce back from Adversity.
Our family plays a lot of board games. Jacob still finds losing difficult but he has learned a lot about managing his feelings and bouncing back to try and try again. Jacob is very skilled at games and we do not let him win just because he is only ten years old. This approach has proven to be very important in teaching Jacob to be RESILIENT, and nothing is more important to our mental health than resilience.
For the past few weeks I have been leading groups for Horizon Church on understanding and healing our family tree. In the middle of the group Jacob called me on a cell phone from the school and happily noted that I owed his College Fund a cool $100.00!
Congratulations Jacob! We are very happy to put that money toward your higher education.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Dr. Galina Chentsova with Dr. Gary Sweeten and Steve Griebling during a ministry-training visit to Moscow, russia. Galina is a Christian psychiatrist and head of Lifeways Russia. She trains many pastors, lay helpers and professional Christian therapists. She and a team of committed believers have set up Recovery Groups all around the former USSR.
Sharinai, a woman dramatically and miraculously converted from Islam, leads a group of women at the Saltikovka Retreat Center in worship. Sharinai planted a house church in Moscow and currently ministers to thousands of Muslims as well as others. Pray for our team in Russia.
Nina and Galina, key leaders, are behind and to the left of Sharinai
How to Receive Blessings and Remove Curses
For this reason you shall leave mother and father, cleave to your wife and the two shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12
For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. 25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. 28 You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.
29 I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you. 30 I will increase the fruit of the trees and the crops of the field, so that you will no longer suffer disgrace among the nations because of famine.
31 Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices. 32 I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign LORD. Ezekiel 24
In the following prayers we will focus on eliminating all the things that bring us death, illness, sin and degradation from the past while thanking God for those practices, principles and blessings that we want to honor in our family past.
Prayer is a continual process not a one time affair. As you come into the presence of the Lord and seek His face He will more than likely reveal things that you need to pray about. For example, some people receive insights about the blessings and curses of ancestors and pray to receive all the blessings and cut off all the curses. Others begin to see inherited patterns that God wants them to change.
Repentance, or a change of mind, will and behavior, are all essential to generational healing.
Ora et labora: prayer and work
We cannot repent for past persons but we must repent for the sinful attitudes, actions and habits we see passing into our own lives. For example my father had a violent temper and I can see the same temptation in myself and in my offspring so I can repent for myself and pray for forgiveness and healing for others.
Prayers
Pray that God will bless you with gifts, honor, talents and strengths. That His love and power will be multiplied to you and your family. Ask God to give me and my offspring will be blessed with a double portion of his grace, power and right living.
Pray that all curses and sins as well as unrighteous patterns will be broken. Ask forgiveness for any and all idolatry, sexual misbehavior, drug abuse, mental illness, rage, divisions and other fruit of the flesh will be halted. Seek information about murders, suicides, abortions, abusive behavior, alcoholism, abandonment, criminality, witchcraft, etc. Ask God to reveal all family secrets so you can walk in the light.
Ask God to cleanse the generational line of all guilt, shame, bondage and rebellion. Place the shed blood of Jesus between you and your mother back to the fourth generation and ask Him to cleanse all the family of unrighteous patterns. Do the same for your father’s family. Lift up each known member of your family tree and pray God’s blessing and cleansing. Prayerfully place the blood of Jesus between you and each child and each grandchild.
Command Satan and all his angels to flee from your family for all generations.
Ask God to reveal and change all your dysfunctional roles and bad habits.
Give Him thanks and praise for all He is doing.
For this reason you shall leave mother and father, cleave to your wife and the two shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12
For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. 25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. 28 You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.
29 I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you. 30 I will increase the fruit of the trees and the crops of the field, so that you will no longer suffer disgrace among the nations because of famine.
31 Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices. 32 I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign LORD. Ezekiel 24
In the following prayers we will focus on eliminating all the things that bring us death, illness, sin and degradation from the past while thanking God for those practices, principles and blessings that we want to honor in our family past.
Prayer is a continual process not a one time affair. As you come into the presence of the Lord and seek His face He will more than likely reveal things that you need to pray about. For example, some people receive insights about the blessings and curses of ancestors and pray to receive all the blessings and cut off all the curses. Others begin to see inherited patterns that God wants them to change.
Repentance, or a change of mind, will and behavior, are all essential to generational healing.
Ora et labora: prayer and work
We cannot repent for past persons but we must repent for the sinful attitudes, actions and habits we see passing into our own lives. For example my father had a violent temper and I can see the same temptation in myself and in my offspring so I can repent for myself and pray for forgiveness and healing for others.
Prayers
Pray that God will bless you with gifts, honor, talents and strengths. That His love and power will be multiplied to you and your family. Ask God to give me and my offspring will be blessed with a double portion of his grace, power and right living.
Pray that all curses and sins as well as unrighteous patterns will be broken. Ask forgiveness for any and all idolatry, sexual misbehavior, drug abuse, mental illness, rage, divisions and other fruit of the flesh will be halted. Seek information about murders, suicides, abortions, abusive behavior, alcoholism, abandonment, criminality, witchcraft, etc. Ask God to reveal all family secrets so you can walk in the light.
Ask God to cleanse the generational line of all guilt, shame, bondage and rebellion. Place the shed blood of Jesus between you and your mother back to the fourth generation and ask Him to cleanse all the family of unrighteous patterns. Do the same for your father’s family. Lift up each known member of your family tree and pray God’s blessing and cleansing. Prayerfully place the blood of Jesus between you and each child and each grandchild.
Command Satan and all his angels to flee from your family for all generations.
Ask God to reveal and change all your dysfunctional roles and bad habits.
Give Him thanks and praise for all He is doing.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Russian Renewal
During a ministry/training trip to Norway in 1988 a two colleagues had visions about ministry in the East. We later discovered that God meant the former USSR and events soon took us into Moscow and Saint Petersburg.
Fast forward to a retreat with about 40 men and women from various ministries. They all had some things in common.
1. They were all new in the faith. Some had come to Christ within the past two years and were now pastoring or leading healing/counseling/ recovery groups for addicts. Talk about the blind leading the blind!
2. They were strongly motivated to grow.
3. They knew nothing about how to minister to others.
The watchword for such a group is, "help them work on themselves while teaching about ministry to others." One situation was particularly interesting. A woman in her fifties, Nina, with a daughter about thirty, Galina, and her daughter of seven, Sharina, all came to the retreat center at Saltikovka, just outside Moscow. I taught on the "Laws of Generations" and asked everyone to draw a genogram showing patterns of blessings and curses. Nina and Galina compared notes and made a horrific discovery.
Their ancestors on all sides had been stable Christians until about 1920. After that, every single couple had been divorced as a result of the same pattern of behavior. The men drank, became violent and abandoned their wives and children. The women became bitter, angry with their men and nagged them incessantly. (These patterns developed concurrently.)
What happened in 1920 that was different from before? It was simple. Their families had been Christians until the Bolsheviks took over in 1917. Shortly thereafter, they recanted and joined the Communist Party. They committed idolatry. The had failed to receive the grace of God.
Nina's husband was like all the rest and she emulated her female mothers. He drank and she nagged. He was violent with his fists and she was violent with her tongue. He abandoned Nina and Galina and had not been heard from in years.
Galina followed the example of Nina and her husband obliged the family pattern until he ran off from Galina and Sharina. History was repeating itself in a vicious manner until they came to faith in Christ. Now Nina was serving as a Deaconess in a Pentecostal Church and Galina was enrolled in a Bible school. However, she needed 10,000 Russian Rubles to pay the fees. The first night of the retreat we prayed that God would provide those Rubles.
After learning about generational transmission of curses through idolatry, Nina gathered Galina and a group and went to the chapel to pray. After three hours of prayer, they went to bed exhausted, but satisfied that God had heard their petitions.
At about 11:00 PM the common telephone outside my room rang and a housekeeper ran to get Galina out of bed. Her father, from whom neither she nor her mother had heard from for several years, was on the line from Siberia. (How he found us tucked away in a retreat center is a miracle in itself.)
"I have a message for my only daughter. I apologize for abandoning you as a child and I want to make it up to you. I have been working in the oil fields in Siberia and am getting paid. I want to give you a gift of 10,000.00 Russian Rubles out of my salary."
Galina left on the trainthe next morning for Siberia to meet her father and collect the exact amount to pay for a year in Bible school. A Miracle? You bet!
During a ministry/training trip to Norway in 1988 a two colleagues had visions about ministry in the East. We later discovered that God meant the former USSR and events soon took us into Moscow and Saint Petersburg.
Fast forward to a retreat with about 40 men and women from various ministries. They all had some things in common.
1. They were all new in the faith. Some had come to Christ within the past two years and were now pastoring or leading healing/counseling/ recovery groups for addicts. Talk about the blind leading the blind!
2. They were strongly motivated to grow.
3. They knew nothing about how to minister to others.
The watchword for such a group is, "help them work on themselves while teaching about ministry to others." One situation was particularly interesting. A woman in her fifties, Nina, with a daughter about thirty, Galina, and her daughter of seven, Sharina, all came to the retreat center at Saltikovka, just outside Moscow. I taught on the "Laws of Generations" and asked everyone to draw a genogram showing patterns of blessings and curses. Nina and Galina compared notes and made a horrific discovery.
Their ancestors on all sides had been stable Christians until about 1920. After that, every single couple had been divorced as a result of the same pattern of behavior. The men drank, became violent and abandoned their wives and children. The women became bitter, angry with their men and nagged them incessantly. (These patterns developed concurrently.)
What happened in 1920 that was different from before? It was simple. Their families had been Christians until the Bolsheviks took over in 1917. Shortly thereafter, they recanted and joined the Communist Party. They committed idolatry. The had failed to receive the grace of God.
Nina's husband was like all the rest and she emulated her female mothers. He drank and she nagged. He was violent with his fists and she was violent with her tongue. He abandoned Nina and Galina and had not been heard from in years.
Galina followed the example of Nina and her husband obliged the family pattern until he ran off from Galina and Sharina. History was repeating itself in a vicious manner until they came to faith in Christ. Now Nina was serving as a Deaconess in a Pentecostal Church and Galina was enrolled in a Bible school. However, she needed 10,000 Russian Rubles to pay the fees. The first night of the retreat we prayed that God would provide those Rubles.
After learning about generational transmission of curses through idolatry, Nina gathered Galina and a group and went to the chapel to pray. After three hours of prayer, they went to bed exhausted, but satisfied that God had heard their petitions.
At about 11:00 PM the common telephone outside my room rang and a housekeeper ran to get Galina out of bed. Her father, from whom neither she nor her mother had heard from for several years, was on the line from Siberia. (How he found us tucked away in a retreat center is a miracle in itself.)
"I have a message for my only daughter. I apologize for abandoning you as a child and I want to make it up to you. I have been working in the oil fields in Siberia and am getting paid. I want to give you a gift of 10,000.00 Russian Rubles out of my salary."
Galina left on the trainthe next morning for Siberia to meet her father and collect the exact amount to pay for a year in Bible school. A Miracle? You bet!
Generational Patterns
About 20 years ago my good friend and fellwo therapist Steve Griebling began to teach me about a different approach to counseling. He had been working with addicts and their families for about ten years when it occurred to him that he was seeing a lot of brothers, sisters, children and cousins.
This came to Steve one day while he was looking at his old file cabinet and happened to see several folders with the same last names. Gene Johnson, Joe Johnson, Jim Johnson, Mike Johnson and Jane Johnson were all clustered together. He wondered why similar problems as well as similar strengths seemed to flow from generation to generation.
Steve was a strong Christian so he knew about the biblical descriptions of "Blessings and curses from generation to generation" but he, like most of us, had no training to discern how such things actually went down the genetic line. Then he met a teacher who taught him about genograms and family maps as a way of looking at multi-generational transmission of family traits. Steve taught me about genograms and I jumped in and read everything I could on the topic.
Now it is my favorite course and my favorite way to help people look at themselves and their family issues. For example Hebrews 12 says:
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
14 Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
I believe scripture and take its promises and warnings seriously. If there is a possibility of having bitter roots come upon me and my offspring I want to stop it. But how? Once I learned about multi-generational transmission of patterns and spiritual characteristics I discovered how it can happen.
1. Fail to obtain and rlease God's grace to myself and others.
2. Roots of bitterness develop from a lack of grace.
3. Many generations can inherit bitterness from my lack of grace.
This makes me want to give myself and others plenty of grace. What is grace? How to I release it? How do I grow in grace?
About 20 years ago my good friend and fellwo therapist Steve Griebling began to teach me about a different approach to counseling. He had been working with addicts and their families for about ten years when it occurred to him that he was seeing a lot of brothers, sisters, children and cousins.
This came to Steve one day while he was looking at his old file cabinet and happened to see several folders with the same last names. Gene Johnson, Joe Johnson, Jim Johnson, Mike Johnson and Jane Johnson were all clustered together. He wondered why similar problems as well as similar strengths seemed to flow from generation to generation.
Steve was a strong Christian so he knew about the biblical descriptions of "Blessings and curses from generation to generation" but he, like most of us, had no training to discern how such things actually went down the genetic line. Then he met a teacher who taught him about genograms and family maps as a way of looking at multi-generational transmission of family traits. Steve taught me about genograms and I jumped in and read everything I could on the topic.
Now it is my favorite course and my favorite way to help people look at themselves and their family issues. For example Hebrews 12 says:
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
14 Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
I believe scripture and take its promises and warnings seriously. If there is a possibility of having bitter roots come upon me and my offspring I want to stop it. But how? Once I learned about multi-generational transmission of patterns and spiritual characteristics I discovered how it can happen.
1. Fail to obtain and rlease God's grace to myself and others.
2. Roots of bitterness develop from a lack of grace.
3. Many generations can inherit bitterness from my lack of grace.
This makes me want to give myself and others plenty of grace. What is grace? How to I release it? How do I grow in grace?
Monday, February 21, 2005
Feeling Bad, Sad and Mad
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
Nor can anyone make me feel mad without my consent. Feelings are a choice. Oh, not immediately but certainly over the long term. If a robber jumps in my car with a gun to my head and starts yelling I will certainly have involuntary feelings of anxiety, fear and anger. This is a normal and expected reaction placed in my body by the Creator of the universe. However, if I am feeling those same feelings a year or two or twenty later it is because I have chosen to do so by ruminating and rehearsing the attack.
Over the past several years the Roman Catholic Church has been racked by evidence that some of its priests have been wolves in sheep's clothing. Men have evidently gone into the priesthood and used their position to carry out sexual assaults on young men. This is reprehensible and needs to be punished severely.
Some leaders in the Roman Church have also been guilty, it seems, of covering up these crimes and transferring priests to other parishes without telling that parish. This is even a worse crime than the homosexual assaults for it rewards and reinforces the criminal behavior and allows the perpetrator to continue his life of evil. What should be done to remedy the situation?
There is one area that I find troubling. It is the way lawyers are demanding huge sums for those victimized by the priests. It is one thing to have been assaulted by a leader it is another to be treated as a life-long, helpless, hopeless victim.
In order to win such suits the men must be presented and promoted as having been deeply and permanently wounded by the sexual advances. To be labeled as weak, sick, disabled and hopeless is much worse than the pain of the attack. The term is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.
About two months ago a tsunami hit Asia. Huge waves hit beaches all over the south Asian region wiping out farms, villages and people. However, the waves were a delayed reaction to an earthquake far beneath the ocean. The original quake was not the main problem but the shock waves that caused the waters to roil and kill.
The original shock of a sexual, verbal, physical or emotional assault is not the thing that causes so much long term damage to the soul of one victimized. What proves to be so devastating is how we treat the event. By rehearsing it as something that is permanently damaging I make it so. However, by grieving it and leaving it I can move on to get stronger and better.
Here is my question: Does making the Victims seem permanently damaged help them or hurt them? Who, other than lawyers, benefit from such awards? (Perhaps the drug company also benefit.)
Here is my prescription for long term health: Face the event; Feel the pain of the shock; Forgive the perpetrator; Flee from all punishment and Forget about permanent damage to your soul. I was assaulted by an older boy at about age 10 and it haunted me for many years until I faced it and shared my shame with others. As long as I was fearfully thinking that the wound was deep and permanent I was emotionally crippled. Thankfully, when I learned about inner healing and moving on I got a lot better.
Before learning about healing and renewing my mind I assumed that the wound was Personal and I was damaged goods. That my manhood was somehow crippled. Next, I assumed that the Personal wound was Pervasive and affected every part of my being but especially my relationship with women. Third, I assumed that the problem was Permanent and nothing could be done to change my condition.
These are all lies that need to be replaced and renewed. When I confronted the lies, forgave my attacker and renewed my mind with biblical truth I got better. Would that have happened if I had been used as an example of Permenent damage in a million dollar suit? I doubt it.
You can get better if you don't get bitter!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
Nor can anyone make me feel mad without my consent. Feelings are a choice. Oh, not immediately but certainly over the long term. If a robber jumps in my car with a gun to my head and starts yelling I will certainly have involuntary feelings of anxiety, fear and anger. This is a normal and expected reaction placed in my body by the Creator of the universe. However, if I am feeling those same feelings a year or two or twenty later it is because I have chosen to do so by ruminating and rehearsing the attack.
Over the past several years the Roman Catholic Church has been racked by evidence that some of its priests have been wolves in sheep's clothing. Men have evidently gone into the priesthood and used their position to carry out sexual assaults on young men. This is reprehensible and needs to be punished severely.
Some leaders in the Roman Church have also been guilty, it seems, of covering up these crimes and transferring priests to other parishes without telling that parish. This is even a worse crime than the homosexual assaults for it rewards and reinforces the criminal behavior and allows the perpetrator to continue his life of evil. What should be done to remedy the situation?
There is one area that I find troubling. It is the way lawyers are demanding huge sums for those victimized by the priests. It is one thing to have been assaulted by a leader it is another to be treated as a life-long, helpless, hopeless victim.
In order to win such suits the men must be presented and promoted as having been deeply and permanently wounded by the sexual advances. To be labeled as weak, sick, disabled and hopeless is much worse than the pain of the attack. The term is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.
About two months ago a tsunami hit Asia. Huge waves hit beaches all over the south Asian region wiping out farms, villages and people. However, the waves were a delayed reaction to an earthquake far beneath the ocean. The original quake was not the main problem but the shock waves that caused the waters to roil and kill.
The original shock of a sexual, verbal, physical or emotional assault is not the thing that causes so much long term damage to the soul of one victimized. What proves to be so devastating is how we treat the event. By rehearsing it as something that is permanently damaging I make it so. However, by grieving it and leaving it I can move on to get stronger and better.
Here is my question: Does making the Victims seem permanently damaged help them or hurt them? Who, other than lawyers, benefit from such awards? (Perhaps the drug company also benefit.)
Here is my prescription for long term health: Face the event; Feel the pain of the shock; Forgive the perpetrator; Flee from all punishment and Forget about permanent damage to your soul. I was assaulted by an older boy at about age 10 and it haunted me for many years until I faced it and shared my shame with others. As long as I was fearfully thinking that the wound was deep and permanent I was emotionally crippled. Thankfully, when I learned about inner healing and moving on I got a lot better.
Before learning about healing and renewing my mind I assumed that the wound was Personal and I was damaged goods. That my manhood was somehow crippled. Next, I assumed that the Personal wound was Pervasive and affected every part of my being but especially my relationship with women. Third, I assumed that the problem was Permanent and nothing could be done to change my condition.
These are all lies that need to be replaced and renewed. When I confronted the lies, forgave my attacker and renewed my mind with biblical truth I got better. Would that have happened if I had been used as an example of Permenent damage in a million dollar suit? I doubt it.
You can get better if you don't get bitter!
Power to Think and Feel
Many people enter adulthood with little or no assurance of their identity/self. Because of their dysfunctional family backgrounds, abuse, neglect or ignorance children grow up without knowing who they are in Christ or that He has given them a sure indentity/self as a child of God in the forever family.
When one is unsure of his/her identity (self, personhood, etc) we will compulsively seek to find it in other people, sex, clothes, cars, work, religion, booze, drugs, etc. This, of course, leads to the development of a false self.
Trying to shore up a false self leads to an anxious pursuit of affirmation and compulsive thoughts about whether others like us or not. In its extreme forms we pass laws about hate speech, obsess over any failure experienced by our kids and demand that others always say nice things about us. This is doomed to failure. We cannot win this battle this way.
The only way to win is to renew our mind according to scripture. If I know my position in Christ I am confident in Him no matter what other people says.
Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. RO 12:2
Many people enter adulthood with little or no assurance of their identity/self. Because of their dysfunctional family backgrounds, abuse, neglect or ignorance children grow up without knowing who they are in Christ or that He has given them a sure indentity/self as a child of God in the forever family.
When one is unsure of his/her identity (self, personhood, etc) we will compulsively seek to find it in other people, sex, clothes, cars, work, religion, booze, drugs, etc. This, of course, leads to the development of a false self.
Trying to shore up a false self leads to an anxious pursuit of affirmation and compulsive thoughts about whether others like us or not. In its extreme forms we pass laws about hate speech, obsess over any failure experienced by our kids and demand that others always say nice things about us. This is doomed to failure. We cannot win this battle this way.
The only way to win is to renew our mind according to scripture. If I know my position in Christ I am confident in Him no matter what other people says.
Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. RO 12:2
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Power Thinking
Why are there so many people getting depressed and anxious these days? Young men and women, including students, are experiencing "mood disorders" with dramatic frequency. We are living in the midst of material wealth unheard of just 50 years ago and the opportunities for mental, emotional, educational and economic well being are unparalleled in the history of mankind.
Why, despite there facts, are people compulsively grabbing drugs, alcohol, sex and food as fast as they can?
Both Time and Newsweek have cover stories about the compulsiveness of parents. They are driven to exhaustion and distortion with worry about their kid's performance. Many have become public enemy # 1. To teachers and administrators because they hover, attack, criticize and interfere.
Not long ago professor Hopkins, Ph. D., heard the President of Harvard wonder why men outnumber women in math and science. One of the possible causes, he said, might be biological. This comment upset the professor so much that she became physically ill and had to leave the conference. She later went on several TV talk shows to complain about the lack of sensitivity shown by Dr. Laurence Summers in his comments. (See article by Kathleen Parker http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/opinion/columnists/orl-edpparker20022005feb20,0,5540843.column)
The fact that Dr. Hopkins gave so much power over her thoughts and feelings to a man is a strong reason why so many people are depressed. Although Dr. Hopkins blamed Dr. Summers for her feelings, the truth is that she made herself feel badly. One may be initially mad, sad or glad by the comments of another person but any long term feelings are clearly chosen by her not the speaker.
Once a couple came to see a famous therapist to ask for help in resolving their conflicts. The second week Mr. Big entered the room with his left eye closed. When asked by Dr. F to explain why his eye was swollen, he angrily pointed at his grinning wife and said, "She is killing me. Make her stop."
The therapist turned to her and said, "Next week when you come to see me I will give you 100 dollars if you close the other eye." Upon hearing this the man said, "I am paying you to help me and this will kill me for sure." The wise counselor replied, "If you wish to give her that much power over your mind and body why should I care?" He returned the next time with two eyes open.
Who has to power to control your mind and heart? You or other people?
Who controlled Dr. Hopkins' mind, heart and body? (Dr. Summers of course.)
Why are there so many people getting depressed and anxious these days? Young men and women, including students, are experiencing "mood disorders" with dramatic frequency. We are living in the midst of material wealth unheard of just 50 years ago and the opportunities for mental, emotional, educational and economic well being are unparalleled in the history of mankind.
Why, despite there facts, are people compulsively grabbing drugs, alcohol, sex and food as fast as they can?
Both Time and Newsweek have cover stories about the compulsiveness of parents. They are driven to exhaustion and distortion with worry about their kid's performance. Many have become public enemy # 1. To teachers and administrators because they hover, attack, criticize and interfere.
Not long ago professor Hopkins, Ph. D., heard the President of Harvard wonder why men outnumber women in math and science. One of the possible causes, he said, might be biological. This comment upset the professor so much that she became physically ill and had to leave the conference. She later went on several TV talk shows to complain about the lack of sensitivity shown by Dr. Laurence Summers in his comments. (See article by Kathleen Parker http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/opinion/columnists/orl-edpparker20022005feb20,0,5540843.column)
The fact that Dr. Hopkins gave so much power over her thoughts and feelings to a man is a strong reason why so many people are depressed. Although Dr. Hopkins blamed Dr. Summers for her feelings, the truth is that she made herself feel badly. One may be initially mad, sad or glad by the comments of another person but any long term feelings are clearly chosen by her not the speaker.
Once a couple came to see a famous therapist to ask for help in resolving their conflicts. The second week Mr. Big entered the room with his left eye closed. When asked by Dr. F to explain why his eye was swollen, he angrily pointed at his grinning wife and said, "She is killing me. Make her stop."
The therapist turned to her and said, "Next week when you come to see me I will give you 100 dollars if you close the other eye." Upon hearing this the man said, "I am paying you to help me and this will kill me for sure." The wise counselor replied, "If you wish to give her that much power over your mind and body why should I care?" He returned the next time with two eyes open.
Who has to power to control your mind and heart? You or other people?
Who controlled Dr. Hopkins' mind, heart and body? (Dr. Summers of course.)
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Keep Growing
The most important thing I can do to help others grow and change is to keep growing and changing myself. By Differentiating Myself from My Family Tree I am operating on the freedom of Jesus not the slavery of my wounded flesh.
One way to facilitate Differentiation is to develop Genuineness or Transparency. In this way I allow my inner life to be known to other people. Here is an exercise that helps develop the process of Differentiation and Genuineness.
I know my own thoughts and feelings
I can name my own thoughts and feelings
I can acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings
I can successfully manage my own thoughts and feelings
By knowing, naming, acknowledging and managing my inner life I am able to relate to others in more thoughtfully and peacefully. I will be less likely to REACT to others with irrational, emotions. I acknowledge others? thoughts and feelings without allowing them to influence my feelings.
When accosted by another person we are sorely tempted to REACT in a fight or flight manner. Jesus said that we should ?Turn the other cheek? when accosted. This kind of action certainly requires peaceful Differentiation. In a way, Jesus was telling us to take charge of the emotional process and not allow others to control our thoughts and feelings.
In the days of Jesus a Roman soldier had the right to slap a Hebrew man on the cheek. However, if the man turned the other cheek it indicated that he was a gentleman who deserved equal treatment not a slave. Can you imagine the peacefulness it takes to accomplish this?
When we are aware of our thoughts and feelings and manage them so that we are in control we are acting like a free person rather than a slave.
For example, I am Differentiated when I can discuss my parents and siblings without become upset, anxious, angry or heroic. However, when I cannot talk about my brother without getting sad, mad, glad or had I am still in bondage to the past.
.
Levels of Anxiety and Peace
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0
Zero indicates Perfect Peace (Differentiation) (I have left home when I am 5 or less)
Ten indicates great Anxiety (Enmeshment) (I am stuck at home when I am above 5.)
When am I anxious and reactive?
With whom am I most reactive?
With whom am I most peaceful?
How can I move toward peacefulness?
The most important thing I can do to help others grow and change is to keep growing and changing myself. By Differentiating Myself from My Family Tree I am operating on the freedom of Jesus not the slavery of my wounded flesh.
One way to facilitate Differentiation is to develop Genuineness or Transparency. In this way I allow my inner life to be known to other people. Here is an exercise that helps develop the process of Differentiation and Genuineness.
I know my own thoughts and feelings
I can name my own thoughts and feelings
I can acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings
I can successfully manage my own thoughts and feelings
By knowing, naming, acknowledging and managing my inner life I am able to relate to others in more thoughtfully and peacefully. I will be less likely to REACT to others with irrational, emotions. I acknowledge others? thoughts and feelings without allowing them to influence my feelings.
When accosted by another person we are sorely tempted to REACT in a fight or flight manner. Jesus said that we should ?Turn the other cheek? when accosted. This kind of action certainly requires peaceful Differentiation. In a way, Jesus was telling us to take charge of the emotional process and not allow others to control our thoughts and feelings.
In the days of Jesus a Roman soldier had the right to slap a Hebrew man on the cheek. However, if the man turned the other cheek it indicated that he was a gentleman who deserved equal treatment not a slave. Can you imagine the peacefulness it takes to accomplish this?
When we are aware of our thoughts and feelings and manage them so that we are in control we are acting like a free person rather than a slave.
For example, I am Differentiated when I can discuss my parents and siblings without become upset, anxious, angry or heroic. However, when I cannot talk about my brother without getting sad, mad, glad or had I am still in bondage to the past.
.
Levels of Anxiety and Peace
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0
Zero indicates Perfect Peace (Differentiation) (I have left home when I am 5 or less)
Ten indicates great Anxiety (Enmeshment) (I am stuck at home when I am above 5.)
When am I anxious and reactive?
With whom am I most reactive?
With whom am I most peaceful?
How can I move toward peacefulness?
Differentiating Myself from My Family Tree
© Gary Sweeten
I am learning that the most important thing I can do to help others is to keep growing and changing myself. By Differentiating Myself from My Family Tree I am operating out of the freedom of Jesus rather the slavery of wounded flesh and generational trauma.
Differentiating means that I am connected to my past and present family but I am secure enough in myself to be different from them. There are two scriptures that speak to this issue. In Genesis 2 God commands Adam to, "Leave mother and father and cleave to his wife so the two shall become one flesh." Even before sin entered the world God knew it was best for children to leave home.
This is not a physical leaving but emotional, spiritual and loyal commitment. One child may move from the USA to China but react violently to a letter from home. Another can live next door and remain peaceful even when another sibling or parent acts mean or petty. The difference is not geography but inner security, peace and thoughtfulness rather than anxiety, fear and reactivity.
Imagine that a family is made up of connected sponges that God had created to absorb emotional energy. A highly charged family involved in many traumatic and or dysfunctional activities will put out a high degree of trauma, stress and pain. In such a situation the connected system of emotional sponges will become overwrought with insecurity, fears, worry, and anxiety even when there is little to cause such a discharge.
On a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 being perfect peace and 10 being an emotional minefield, we might say such a family existed in a force field of anxious high intensity. Their number might be a 7 or 8 leading members to react to the slightest emotional touch. Anxious, traumatized families bruise their members from generation to generation and bruised wounded people hate to be touched.
I was eating one evening in a local cafe and a family of two adults and two young children sat nearby. The youngest boy of six or so was naturally wandering around exploring the place. As he got about three aisles away the adult male growled in an angry, accusing manner that stopped him in his tracks. The sound sent chills up my spine and I can only imagine how the child felt.
I believe strongly in structure, discipline and order. However, as the scripture says, "Death or life are in the power of the tongue." The offense of the child was about a 3 on the scale of disobedience but the reaction was at a 7. This means that the punishment did not fit the crime. His reaction was fed not by the disobedience but his own past history. He anxiously reacted to a minor infraction. The father had been bruised and was passing on his own lack of differentiation to the next generation.
If that dad were fully differentiated, which is rare, he would have been able to discipline his son with thoughtfulness and wisdom rather than pent up anger from past generations. The child needs to learn to obey but angry outbursts do not teach obedience but fear, confusion and anxiety.
The Life Way classes and counseling sessions. are designed to help people grow up. To discover who they are. When we are secure in our identity we can respond in peace.
Staying reactive to the family past means that I am not at peace.
Philippians 3:10 ff
10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Paul admitted that he was still not mature and that he was still in in the process. I think that his "Thorn in the flesh" was anger and rage. A chronic condition. He said in Romans 7 he could not control himself. There were things in his past that he needed to leave behind.
In this passage he uses a humorous play on words. He says, "Not that I have obtained maturity, for I have not" and then "All who are mature will admit that they are not mature."
Who says the Bible has no sens of humor!
© Gary Sweeten
I am learning that the most important thing I can do to help others is to keep growing and changing myself. By Differentiating Myself from My Family Tree I am operating out of the freedom of Jesus rather the slavery of wounded flesh and generational trauma.
Differentiating means that I am connected to my past and present family but I am secure enough in myself to be different from them. There are two scriptures that speak to this issue. In Genesis 2 God commands Adam to, "Leave mother and father and cleave to his wife so the two shall become one flesh." Even before sin entered the world God knew it was best for children to leave home.
This is not a physical leaving but emotional, spiritual and loyal commitment. One child may move from the USA to China but react violently to a letter from home. Another can live next door and remain peaceful even when another sibling or parent acts mean or petty. The difference is not geography but inner security, peace and thoughtfulness rather than anxiety, fear and reactivity.
Imagine that a family is made up of connected sponges that God had created to absorb emotional energy. A highly charged family involved in many traumatic and or dysfunctional activities will put out a high degree of trauma, stress and pain. In such a situation the connected system of emotional sponges will become overwrought with insecurity, fears, worry, and anxiety even when there is little to cause such a discharge.
On a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 being perfect peace and 10 being an emotional minefield, we might say such a family existed in a force field of anxious high intensity. Their number might be a 7 or 8 leading members to react to the slightest emotional touch. Anxious, traumatized families bruise their members from generation to generation and bruised wounded people hate to be touched.
I was eating one evening in a local cafe and a family of two adults and two young children sat nearby. The youngest boy of six or so was naturally wandering around exploring the place. As he got about three aisles away the adult male growled in an angry, accusing manner that stopped him in his tracks. The sound sent chills up my spine and I can only imagine how the child felt.
I believe strongly in structure, discipline and order. However, as the scripture says, "Death or life are in the power of the tongue." The offense of the child was about a 3 on the scale of disobedience but the reaction was at a 7. This means that the punishment did not fit the crime. His reaction was fed not by the disobedience but his own past history. He anxiously reacted to a minor infraction. The father had been bruised and was passing on his own lack of differentiation to the next generation.
If that dad were fully differentiated, which is rare, he would have been able to discipline his son with thoughtfulness and wisdom rather than pent up anger from past generations. The child needs to learn to obey but angry outbursts do not teach obedience but fear, confusion and anxiety.
The Life Way classes and counseling sessions. are designed to help people grow up. To discover who they are. When we are secure in our identity we can respond in peace.
Staying reactive to the family past means that I am not at peace.
Philippians 3:10 ff
10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Paul admitted that he was still not mature and that he was still in in the process. I think that his "Thorn in the flesh" was anger and rage. A chronic condition. He said in Romans 7 he could not control himself. There were things in his past that he needed to leave behind.
In this passage he uses a humorous play on words. He says, "Not that I have obtained maturity, for I have not" and then "All who are mature will admit that they are not mature."
Who says the Bible has no sens of humor!
Family Systems; A Hebrew Approach
About 20 years ago the Lord brought a man into my life who taught me a whole new way of thinking about family counseling. He told me about putting new glasses on so I could see the family as a connected whole rather than a disconnected bunch of individuals.
Imagine that everyone in your family tree is emotionally and spiritually tied together like a group climbing Mt. Everest. If one falls there is an immediate and dramatic pull on every one who holds the rope.
It was though I had put on 3-D glasses and could see things I never saw before. The first 3-D movie I ever saw was Fort Ticonderoga and I was scared out of my wits when the flaming arrows came toward me and hatchets flew by my ear with a whiz. Seeing family dynamics is a similar jolt.
I had learned about families as though each member was surrounded by an invisible shield that kept us from responding to or influencing each other. Now such a quaint idea sounds pretty preposterous but it is still taught in some schools of counseling. Now when I hear that a woman cannot get pregnant or a son cannot hold a job I wonder about the ways the family has interacted over the past three or four generations.
I was unable to understand my own foibles and strengths until I saw four generations on a genogram. (A genealogy with mental, emotional, spiritual and physical patterns clearly displayed.) After one particularly profound week with Rabbi Dr. Edwin Friedman in Bethesda, Maryland I was overwhelmed with an insight about my "agreeing" to enter into the middle of my parents conflicts. An arrangement that bound my family's dynamic patterns for years and marked me with a compulsive desire to fix others' problem. No wonder I felt led into counseling and ministry. Being a Christian martyr gets a fellow a lot of affirmation.
Thankfully Dr. Friedman helped me see many of those compulsive patterns. Because I had learned how to pray about generational bondages in the past I was able to apply spiritual resources to those fleshly lusts.
So, thanks to Steve Griebling, a good friend who introduced me 20 years ago to the study of family systems and to Dr. Friedman whose humor and wisdom cut through my defenses and allowed the Lord to bring substantial healing. Not total. Not final. Not complete. But, a lot. Substantial.
Julie & David Knispel and Tim& Shelley Sweeten are actively continuing the generational flow. I am exceedingly happy that the grace and mercy of God has broken the chain of many past fleshly patterns. Jacob and Lily Knispel and Jack Donovan Sweeten have a cleaner slate than Karen and I and healthier parents to help them grow.
The photos posted with this blog speak volumes about the power of generational love and prayers. Karen and I have prayed for the mates and offspring of our children since we first married. Jack Donovan's birth makes the message of God's blessings and answered prayers very real.
About 20 years ago the Lord brought a man into my life who taught me a whole new way of thinking about family counseling. He told me about putting new glasses on so I could see the family as a connected whole rather than a disconnected bunch of individuals.
Imagine that everyone in your family tree is emotionally and spiritually tied together like a group climbing Mt. Everest. If one falls there is an immediate and dramatic pull on every one who holds the rope.
It was though I had put on 3-D glasses and could see things I never saw before. The first 3-D movie I ever saw was Fort Ticonderoga and I was scared out of my wits when the flaming arrows came toward me and hatchets flew by my ear with a whiz. Seeing family dynamics is a similar jolt.
I had learned about families as though each member was surrounded by an invisible shield that kept us from responding to or influencing each other. Now such a quaint idea sounds pretty preposterous but it is still taught in some schools of counseling. Now when I hear that a woman cannot get pregnant or a son cannot hold a job I wonder about the ways the family has interacted over the past three or four generations.
I was unable to understand my own foibles and strengths until I saw four generations on a genogram. (A genealogy with mental, emotional, spiritual and physical patterns clearly displayed.) After one particularly profound week with Rabbi Dr. Edwin Friedman in Bethesda, Maryland I was overwhelmed with an insight about my "agreeing" to enter into the middle of my parents conflicts. An arrangement that bound my family's dynamic patterns for years and marked me with a compulsive desire to fix others' problem. No wonder I felt led into counseling and ministry. Being a Christian martyr gets a fellow a lot of affirmation.
Thankfully Dr. Friedman helped me see many of those compulsive patterns. Because I had learned how to pray about generational bondages in the past I was able to apply spiritual resources to those fleshly lusts.
So, thanks to Steve Griebling, a good friend who introduced me 20 years ago to the study of family systems and to Dr. Friedman whose humor and wisdom cut through my defenses and allowed the Lord to bring substantial healing. Not total. Not final. Not complete. But, a lot. Substantial.
Julie & David Knispel and Tim& Shelley Sweeten are actively continuing the generational flow. I am exceedingly happy that the grace and mercy of God has broken the chain of many past fleshly patterns. Jacob and Lily Knispel and Jack Donovan Sweeten have a cleaner slate than Karen and I and healthier parents to help them grow.
The photos posted with this blog speak volumes about the power of generational love and prayers. Karen and I have prayed for the mates and offspring of our children since we first married. Jack Donovan's birth makes the message of God's blessings and answered prayers very real.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Great Awakenings
I am not an historian but I like history and am fascinated by reading the things that Christians have done to make this a better world. I do not mean that these things are appreciated or known by others or that they bring people to faith in Christ. In fact, good deeds often bring scorn and rejection by the very people who are helped.
It is a principle of family therapy that people, groups, nations or parents wo attempt to Rescue a Victim from a Persecutor will be blamed for their Rescue actions and attacked as a Persecutor and feel like the Victim. So, while we must always follow Jesus and do good to all people, we will rarely ever get credit for it on this earth.
History chronicles revivals that have an impact on a city, county or nation. In American history we can read about several Christian revivals that affected thousands of people and led to large scale cultural, emotional, legal and political changes. The First Great Awakening in New England is said to have spawned the Revolution of Freedom from Great Britain. So many people were personally touched and so many new churches, denominations and movements were begun that the tipping point was reached in the demand for freedom.
Had such an Awakening not happened and individuals stayed in a conservative, loyalist position it is doubtful that the sentiment for Revolution would have been strong enough to carry the day. The old established Congregationalist and Anglican denominations were not open to the raw power of individual initiative. In fact, many of the traditional ministers fought against the emerging Revivalist Methodists and Baptists because they were unlearned and too fiery. Presbyterian were in the middle. Many supported the Awakening and joined in the spiritual fervor.
The Second Great Awakening began in the late 1700's and spawned a new revolution of freedom evidenced by the involvement of women, laity and African Americans in spiritual activities. This led, naturally, to the notion that all persons being created with equal rights.
Again, the established churches and highly educated ministers often fought against such ideas but the groups known to be the most enthusiastic, evangelistic and fervent fought hard for freedom. John Rankin, the famous Presbyterian Minister from Tennessee, moved from his home in the south to Ripley, Ohio where he led the Underground Railroad.
Along the way, Rev Rankin stopped off to pastor a church in order to make ends meet and care for his young family. The congregation was in Cane Ridge, Kentucky, home to possibly the largest and most fervent Camp Meeting in hat entire period.
Groups that challenge the status quo and bring radical change are inspired by outpourings of the Holy Spirit and powerful changes in individual lives. These facts teach ordinary people to believe that change is possible and the word of mouth advertising is rampant.
This belief was wed with a fervent call to all believers to adopt new ways of living. Many laymen and women felt a call to serve Christ in non-traditional ways. The establishment of para-church groups to promote Abolition is such an example.
Organizational Development Professionals call these, Temporary Systems and indicate their importance in starting and maintaining social change. Traditional groups tend to conserve the past. New groups tend to seek new ways of doing things.
Do it again, Lord! Do it again!
I am not an historian but I like history and am fascinated by reading the things that Christians have done to make this a better world. I do not mean that these things are appreciated or known by others or that they bring people to faith in Christ. In fact, good deeds often bring scorn and rejection by the very people who are helped.
It is a principle of family therapy that people, groups, nations or parents wo attempt to Rescue a Victim from a Persecutor will be blamed for their Rescue actions and attacked as a Persecutor and feel like the Victim. So, while we must always follow Jesus and do good to all people, we will rarely ever get credit for it on this earth.
History chronicles revivals that have an impact on a city, county or nation. In American history we can read about several Christian revivals that affected thousands of people and led to large scale cultural, emotional, legal and political changes. The First Great Awakening in New England is said to have spawned the Revolution of Freedom from Great Britain. So many people were personally touched and so many new churches, denominations and movements were begun that the tipping point was reached in the demand for freedom.
Had such an Awakening not happened and individuals stayed in a conservative, loyalist position it is doubtful that the sentiment for Revolution would have been strong enough to carry the day. The old established Congregationalist and Anglican denominations were not open to the raw power of individual initiative. In fact, many of the traditional ministers fought against the emerging Revivalist Methodists and Baptists because they were unlearned and too fiery. Presbyterian were in the middle. Many supported the Awakening and joined in the spiritual fervor.
The Second Great Awakening began in the late 1700's and spawned a new revolution of freedom evidenced by the involvement of women, laity and African Americans in spiritual activities. This led, naturally, to the notion that all persons being created with equal rights.
Again, the established churches and highly educated ministers often fought against such ideas but the groups known to be the most enthusiastic, evangelistic and fervent fought hard for freedom. John Rankin, the famous Presbyterian Minister from Tennessee, moved from his home in the south to Ripley, Ohio where he led the Underground Railroad.
Along the way, Rev Rankin stopped off to pastor a church in order to make ends meet and care for his young family. The congregation was in Cane Ridge, Kentucky, home to possibly the largest and most fervent Camp Meeting in hat entire period.
Groups that challenge the status quo and bring radical change are inspired by outpourings of the Holy Spirit and powerful changes in individual lives. These facts teach ordinary people to believe that change is possible and the word of mouth advertising is rampant.
This belief was wed with a fervent call to all believers to adopt new ways of living. Many laymen and women felt a call to serve Christ in non-traditional ways. The establishment of para-church groups to promote Abolition is such an example.
Organizational Development Professionals call these, Temporary Systems and indicate their importance in starting and maintaining social change. Traditional groups tend to conserve the past. New groups tend to seek new ways of doing things.
Do it again, Lord! Do it again!
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Christian History and Treatment of Africans in America
We all know that many believers put greed and mammon ahead of humanity and refused to free their own slaves or support the Abolition Movement. Self delusion is strong among all people and Christians are no exception.
However, it is my view that Abolition of slavery and Emancipation would not have happened for many years had it not been for strong, Bible believing Christians from differing denominations. We are very fortunate here in Cincinnati to have a great museum dedicated to Freedom and I am learning how much theUnderground Railroad movement to slip slaves out of the south depended upon Christians from this region.
I have discovered a good book that tells the Freedom stories about Ohio and Indiana in an interesting and exciting manner. It is: Beyond the River by Ann Hagedorn and published by Simpn and Schuster.
Every Christian needs to understand his.her heritage in the fight for Freedom and this book will be a good place to start. Pastors will find it full of great narratives that can be used to stir congregations to love, service and outreach.
In March HOPE for Cincinnati is sponsoring a visit to the Underground Railroad Freedom Museum for pastors and Christian leaders to learn more about how God led His people to bring Freedom to thousands of men, women, boys and girls. (Stay tuned for more on this topic.)
We all know that many believers put greed and mammon ahead of humanity and refused to free their own slaves or support the Abolition Movement. Self delusion is strong among all people and Christians are no exception.
However, it is my view that Abolition of slavery and Emancipation would not have happened for many years had it not been for strong, Bible believing Christians from differing denominations. We are very fortunate here in Cincinnati to have a great museum dedicated to Freedom and I am learning how much theUnderground Railroad movement to slip slaves out of the south depended upon Christians from this region.
I have discovered a good book that tells the Freedom stories about Ohio and Indiana in an interesting and exciting manner. It is: Beyond the River by Ann Hagedorn and published by Simpn and Schuster.
Every Christian needs to understand his.her heritage in the fight for Freedom and this book will be a good place to start. Pastors will find it full of great narratives that can be used to stir congregations to love, service and outreach.
In March HOPE for Cincinnati is sponsoring a visit to the Underground Railroad Freedom Museum for pastors and Christian leaders to learn more about how God led His people to bring Freedom to thousands of men, women, boys and girls. (Stay tuned for more on this topic.)
Faith, Hope and Love
These three remain
Along with the presence of the greates power ever unleashed on earth, the Holy Spirit, people who know Christ and fellowship with others of a like mind live longer and happier lives because it is our legacy as Christians. In Galatians we are reminded that the fruit of the Holy Spirit can be summarized as:
Love
Joy
Peace
Gentleness
Meekness
Kindness
Long Suffering
Self Control
Patience
If we abide in Christ these are the supernaturally natural results. These are Christian values and lead to all kinds of family, sexual and political values. Racism, hatred of minoritues, rejection of sinners and murderous intentions cannot thrive among Christians. Faith, hope and love will thrive.
Scripture says in I John that we cannot love God and hate our brothers and sisters. A plum tree does not produce lemons nor can a heart steeped in God's love produce evil.
These fruit do not come over night but, like any crop, require some cultivation and time to grow.
So, keep abiding in Him and fertilize your seeds with generous amounts of the Holy Spirits water and watch yourself change. Look for divisions to cease, rage to regress and hatreds to go away.
Be an optimist. God is in charge.
These three remain
Along with the presence of the greates power ever unleashed on earth, the Holy Spirit, people who know Christ and fellowship with others of a like mind live longer and happier lives because it is our legacy as Christians. In Galatians we are reminded that the fruit of the Holy Spirit can be summarized as:
Love
Joy
Peace
Gentleness
Meekness
Kindness
Long Suffering
Self Control
Patience
If we abide in Christ these are the supernaturally natural results. These are Christian values and lead to all kinds of family, sexual and political values. Racism, hatred of minoritues, rejection of sinners and murderous intentions cannot thrive among Christians. Faith, hope and love will thrive.
Scripture says in I John that we cannot love God and hate our brothers and sisters. A plum tree does not produce lemons nor can a heart steeped in God's love produce evil.
These fruit do not come over night but, like any crop, require some cultivation and time to grow.
So, keep abiding in Him and fertilize your seeds with generous amounts of the Holy Spirits water and watch yourself change. Look for divisions to cease, rage to regress and hatreds to go away.
Be an optimist. God is in charge.
Values
Since the last election there has been a vigorous debate about the meaning of Christian values. Some want to focus on sexual purity and others are more inclined to emphasize economics. If you ask me which one is right I simply answer, "YES!"
Hostorically conservative Christians, as opposed to conservative politicians, have flcused on helping the whole person. Sometimes we might forget the importance of life on earth and focus primarily on eternal life but even then knowing Christ and attending church are good fof people's health, economic condition and relationships.
Christians who attend church regularly:
Live longer
Marry more and divorce less
Have healthier lives
Enjoy life more
Have better sex lives
Vote more and are more involved in community activities
Drink less and use less drugs
Have fewer unruly children
Perhaps no political movement in American history has benefitted more from the involvement of Christians and churches than the Abolition of slavery, the Emancipation of slaves and the Civil Rights of African Americans.
The best thing we can do for the poor and downtrodden is to win them to Christ and get them into a good church. They will prosper in every area of life. Christians promote life not death.
I have set before you today death or life. Choose life. Jeremiah 31
Since the last election there has been a vigorous debate about the meaning of Christian values. Some want to focus on sexual purity and others are more inclined to emphasize economics. If you ask me which one is right I simply answer, "YES!"
Hostorically conservative Christians, as opposed to conservative politicians, have flcused on helping the whole person. Sometimes we might forget the importance of life on earth and focus primarily on eternal life but even then knowing Christ and attending church are good fof people's health, economic condition and relationships.
Christians who attend church regularly:
Live longer
Marry more and divorce less
Have healthier lives
Enjoy life more
Have better sex lives
Vote more and are more involved in community activities
Drink less and use less drugs
Have fewer unruly children
Perhaps no political movement in American history has benefitted more from the involvement of Christians and churches than the Abolition of slavery, the Emancipation of slaves and the Civil Rights of African Americans.
The best thing we can do for the poor and downtrodden is to win them to Christ and get them into a good church. They will prosper in every area of life. Christians promote life not death.
I have set before you today death or life. Choose life. Jeremiah 31
Friday, February 11, 2005
Black History Month
Why do we suppose that there is so much distrust and dissension about African and European Americans living and working together in the United States? Slaves were Emancipated almost 150 years ago but the disparities between Black and White Americans still bothers us. Why can't we all just get along?
I think much of it has to do with our family background. By this I mean the American family. When I first began to read the Bible and encountered the words of God to His people about generational sins and curses I frankly did not want to believe it. I was one of those men who believed the entire Bible from Genesis to maps but preferred to "skip" over some of the more difficult parts.
But God's words about the sins of one generation cascading downward for several more generations is hard to ignore. I know because I tried.
Exodus 20:
1 And God spoke all these words:
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
My own great, great grand parents did not own slaves and, in fact, fought against slavery as far as I can discover. Yet, I am suffering the consequences of this nation's terrible idolatry that placed the mammon of human ownership and greed above God. Why? Because I live in the nation that turned its back on God's word and His ways. All nationalk dysfunctions affect me and my family.
What can we do?
NOTE: On this date, in 1793 the Congress of the United States passed the Fugitive Slave Act allowing slave owners to go to free states and retrieve escaped slaves. Many of the freed men and women were killed and all were severely punished. Those who helped the slaves were fined and put in jail.
Ironically, this is the birthday of Abe Lincoln. Can we not see the connection between that and other accursed acts and todays pain?
Why do we suppose that there is so much distrust and dissension about African and European Americans living and working together in the United States? Slaves were Emancipated almost 150 years ago but the disparities between Black and White Americans still bothers us. Why can't we all just get along?
I think much of it has to do with our family background. By this I mean the American family. When I first began to read the Bible and encountered the words of God to His people about generational sins and curses I frankly did not want to believe it. I was one of those men who believed the entire Bible from Genesis to maps but preferred to "skip" over some of the more difficult parts.
But God's words about the sins of one generation cascading downward for several more generations is hard to ignore. I know because I tried.
Exodus 20:
1 And God spoke all these words:
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
My own great, great grand parents did not own slaves and, in fact, fought against slavery as far as I can discover. Yet, I am suffering the consequences of this nation's terrible idolatry that placed the mammon of human ownership and greed above God. Why? Because I live in the nation that turned its back on God's word and His ways. All nationalk dysfunctions affect me and my family.
What can we do?
- Ask God to forgive our nation for the specific deeds.
- Ask God to set us free from past guilt associated with slavery. (Three to four generations)
NOTE: On this date, in 1793 the Congress of the United States passed the Fugitive Slave Act allowing slave owners to go to free states and retrieve escaped slaves. Many of the freed men and women were killed and all were severely punished. Those who helped the slaves were fined and put in jail.
Ironically, this is the birthday of Abe Lincoln. Can we not see the connection between that and other accursed acts and todays pain?
- Ask God for the blessings of righteous men and women to flow to our nation. (A thousand generations) Many Christian men and women fought against slavery, abusive laws and torture. Thank God for them and ask for a double portion of their courage and strength.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Getting Help for Yourself
I recently spoke to a sex addict's spouse who has endured more than 20 years of covering up her husband's behavior. As a "good Christian" she tried to be submissive, respectful and supportive. This behavior, of course, supported was his addiction.
He spend thousands of dollars on anonymous "phone sex." He is alienated from his children and grand children. He has lost jobs and lost friends and church leadership positions. But still she enabled his behavior in order to be "loving". That is not love.
The wife and children have been devastated. She, and the children offered support, love and prayers. He tried to stop. They needed good counseling not more fruitless interactions.
We help churches and counselors provide:
1. Protection and prevention for children, youth and adults through education and training.
2. Education for pastors, friends and family members about the signs of sexual addiction.
3. Ways the addict can get help from pastors and lay helpers.
4. Treatment for addicts.
5. Support for the family members. Most of their children become alienated from the church because the addict seems so religious to cover up his addiction.
6. Healing for the victims of sexual abuse.
7. Ways to intervene in sexual problems of elders, pastors and members.
Bill Clinton discovered that hiding makes things worse. Come to the light.
I recently spoke to a sex addict's spouse who has endured more than 20 years of covering up her husband's behavior. As a "good Christian" she tried to be submissive, respectful and supportive. This behavior, of course, supported was his addiction.
He spend thousands of dollars on anonymous "phone sex." He is alienated from his children and grand children. He has lost jobs and lost friends and church leadership positions. But still she enabled his behavior in order to be "loving". That is not love.
The wife and children have been devastated. She, and the children offered support, love and prayers. He tried to stop. They needed good counseling not more fruitless interactions.
We help churches and counselors provide:
1. Protection and prevention for children, youth and adults through education and training.
2. Education for pastors, friends and family members about the signs of sexual addiction.
3. Ways the addict can get help from pastors and lay helpers.
4. Treatment for addicts.
5. Support for the family members. Most of their children become alienated from the church because the addict seems so religious to cover up his addiction.
6. Healing for the victims of sexual abuse.
7. Ways to intervene in sexual problems of elders, pastors and members.
Bill Clinton discovered that hiding makes things worse. Come to the light.
A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment
Distributed by, Lifeway Counseling Centers, 11161 Kenwood Road, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242 (513-769-4600)
www.lifewaycenters.com
-
Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.
Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life? -
Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose? -
Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media? -
Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems? -
Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter? -
Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual? -
Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship? -
Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief? -
Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.? -
Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development? -
Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence? -
Has your sexual behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?
To learn more about the S.A.A. program. © Sex Addicts Anonymous, 1998
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource or call Lifeway Centers.
Distributed by, Lifeway Counseling Centers, 11161 Kenwood Road, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242 (513-769-4600)
www.lifewaycenters.com
What is Sexual Addiction?
Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.
The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so.
The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.
Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.
Help and change are available if you simply ask for it.
Call us at 769-4600
Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.
The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so.
The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.
Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.
Help and change are available if you simply ask for it.
Call us at 769-4600
Pain, Shame, Guilt and Addiction
According to several people who do surveys on such things, many pastors and members are very worried about addiction to pornography. Such worries keep people awake at night and nervous in the daytime. So, it seems that a bit of help is needed from people like us who have worked with sexual habits for many years.
First, let us look at the definition of an addiction developed by Dr. M. Douglas Reed. (You can get some of his tapes from LifeWay.) Here is a simple but profound formula for understanding addictive behaviors.
AB = C + D Addictive Behavior equals Compulsion plus Dependency
One may be compulsive but not be addicted. Likewise, one may be Dependent but not be Addicted. An Addiction requires that the formula is balanced on both sides.
Compulsions are habitual behaviors that are unconsciously designed to deal with inner pain. The pain may be guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, etc. This is why I have written about dealing with the Laws of Generations. If we are dealing with past sins and the result is shame and dysfunction then we are more susceptible to a Compulsion.
For example, many people eat or drink compulsively at night. The root cause is BOREDOM or Marital Conflict. So, they medicate themselves with food, alcohol, sex or TV. The answer to the Compulsion is not more guilt, shame, condemnation and emotional anguish for that simply sets us up for more inner pain and more Compulsive behavior. The answer is actively dealing with the root causes. Many people are Compulsive but not Dependent.
A Dependency is a habitual behavior that gives us a high. Sex can do it as can cocaine, food, religion and sports. These all bring powerful chemicals to our brain and the feeling is great. Many people are Dependent but not Compulsive. In fact, these people may need to have more guilt and self condemnation.
When ministering to someone caught up in strong negative habits, do a careful analysis of his/her root causes before attempting an intervention.
According to several people who do surveys on such things, many pastors and members are very worried about addiction to pornography. Such worries keep people awake at night and nervous in the daytime. So, it seems that a bit of help is needed from people like us who have worked with sexual habits for many years.
First, let us look at the definition of an addiction developed by Dr. M. Douglas Reed. (You can get some of his tapes from LifeWay.) Here is a simple but profound formula for understanding addictive behaviors.
AB = C + D Addictive Behavior equals Compulsion plus Dependency
One may be compulsive but not be addicted. Likewise, one may be Dependent but not be Addicted. An Addiction requires that the formula is balanced on both sides.
Compulsions are habitual behaviors that are unconsciously designed to deal with inner pain. The pain may be guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, etc. This is why I have written about dealing with the Laws of Generations. If we are dealing with past sins and the result is shame and dysfunction then we are more susceptible to a Compulsion.
For example, many people eat or drink compulsively at night. The root cause is BOREDOM or Marital Conflict. So, they medicate themselves with food, alcohol, sex or TV. The answer to the Compulsion is not more guilt, shame, condemnation and emotional anguish for that simply sets us up for more inner pain and more Compulsive behavior. The answer is actively dealing with the root causes. Many people are Compulsive but not Dependent.
A Dependency is a habitual behavior that gives us a high. Sex can do it as can cocaine, food, religion and sports. These all bring powerful chemicals to our brain and the feeling is great. Many people are Dependent but not Compulsive. In fact, these people may need to have more guilt and self condemnation.
When ministering to someone caught up in strong negative habits, do a careful analysis of his/her root causes before attempting an intervention.
Healing Prayers
Lord I thank you for the healing promises in Christ. Show me in Is 61 how to pray.
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.
We are all poor from past trauma and sin. We need to be released from captivity.
2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. 3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.
Sorrow and grief are the results of past losses. Many of us lost a loving parent or grand parent. I lost a favorite dog and my friend lost her father to the war. He lived but was away from home for over two years. Grief needs to be good grief!
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long ago destroyed. They will revive them, though they have been empty for many generations.
Here is a promise for healing generational ruins.
5 Foreigners will be your servants. They will feed your flocks and plow your fields and tend your vineyards.
We are promised the blessings of foreign servants and workers.
6 You will be called priests of the LORD, ministers of our God. You will be fed with the treasures of the nations and will boast in their riches.
This is a very high compliment. We shall all be priests of God from the small to the large among the church.
7 Instead of shame and dishonor, you will inherit a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy.
Shame is a lost identity and a loss of family inheritance. But God has given us His inheritance and His legacy. We need to claim that double honor and a double blessing of finances.
Pray now to cut yourself and your family free from the cords of past curses and sins. The word of God is active and sharp as a two edged sword. Use it to be free.
Now claim your inheritance from God's word. Thank Him for it.
Lord I thank you for the healing promises in Christ. Show me in Is 61 how to pray.
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.
We are all poor from past trauma and sin. We need to be released from captivity.
2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. 3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.
Sorrow and grief are the results of past losses. Many of us lost a loving parent or grand parent. I lost a favorite dog and my friend lost her father to the war. He lived but was away from home for over two years. Grief needs to be good grief!
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long ago destroyed. They will revive them, though they have been empty for many generations.
Here is a promise for healing generational ruins.
5 Foreigners will be your servants. They will feed your flocks and plow your fields and tend your vineyards.
We are promised the blessings of foreign servants and workers.
6 You will be called priests of the LORD, ministers of our God. You will be fed with the treasures of the nations and will boast in their riches.
This is a very high compliment. We shall all be priests of God from the small to the large among the church.
7 Instead of shame and dishonor, you will inherit a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy.
Shame is a lost identity and a loss of family inheritance. But God has given us His inheritance and His legacy. We need to claim that double honor and a double blessing of finances.
Pray now to cut yourself and your family free from the cords of past curses and sins. The word of God is active and sharp as a two edged sword. Use it to be free.
Now claim your inheritance from God's word. Thank Him for it.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Laws of Generations
When I first heard about the "Laws of Generations" the notion that blessings and curses are carried forward to future generations, I rejected the concept out of hand. "it just isn't fair," I said, but before long I read the scripture and my ideas about fairness came up against the hard. cold fact of life and God's word. Now I teach people around the globe about ways to break free from the past both generationally and personally.
Scripture is pretty clear about the subject. Right in the Ten Commandments God told His people to "Honor your mother and father so your days will be long." They also that those who worship other gods will be cursed for three to four generations but those who love God will be blessed for thousands of generations.
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
13 "You shall not murder.
14 "You shall not commit adultery.
15 "You shall not steal.
16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
I like to help people discover the blessings and curses of past generations so they can prayerfully cut free from the bad stuff and welcome all the good heritage. We do this by developing genograms, a map that shows all the geneological as well as the spiritual, emotional and physical dimensions of one's family.
We start with the Family of Origin. This includes Dad, Mom and siblings and how we all related. next I ask the people to find as much as possible out about their historic family that includes grand parents and their siblings. It takes at least three to four generations before we are able to see generational patterns. After a little discussion we begin to see patterns that had escaped us in prior years.
For example, I was reared in a very anxious family system. We lived next door to my maternal grand parents and my grand dad was digging himself deeper and deeper into depression. When he went to bed and stopped living in the fall of 1945 I began to stay with him and care for him on a daily basis. My mother had cared for him until my little brother was born in 1945.
This earned me great accolades and praise for being a "Good Christian boy". No wonder I became a super care giver pastor and counselor in my adult Christian life. The apple does not fall far from the tree and I carried on mother's tradition.
Grand dad Taylor took to his sick bed one day after my brother Tommy Taylor was born and it became his death bed. Decisions DO have consequences for generations.
When I first heard about the "Laws of Generations" the notion that blessings and curses are carried forward to future generations, I rejected the concept out of hand. "it just isn't fair," I said, but before long I read the scripture and my ideas about fairness came up against the hard. cold fact of life and God's word. Now I teach people around the globe about ways to break free from the past both generationally and personally.
Scripture is pretty clear about the subject. Right in the Ten Commandments God told His people to "Honor your mother and father so your days will be long." They also that those who worship other gods will be cursed for three to four generations but those who love God will be blessed for thousands of generations.
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
13 "You shall not murder.
14 "You shall not commit adultery.
15 "You shall not steal.
16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
I like to help people discover the blessings and curses of past generations so they can prayerfully cut free from the bad stuff and welcome all the good heritage. We do this by developing genograms, a map that shows all the geneological as well as the spiritual, emotional and physical dimensions of one's family.
We start with the Family of Origin. This includes Dad, Mom and siblings and how we all related. next I ask the people to find as much as possible out about their historic family that includes grand parents and their siblings. It takes at least three to four generations before we are able to see generational patterns. After a little discussion we begin to see patterns that had escaped us in prior years.
For example, I was reared in a very anxious family system. We lived next door to my maternal grand parents and my grand dad was digging himself deeper and deeper into depression. When he went to bed and stopped living in the fall of 1945 I began to stay with him and care for him on a daily basis. My mother had cared for him until my little brother was born in 1945.
This earned me great accolades and praise for being a "Good Christian boy". No wonder I became a super care giver pastor and counselor in my adult Christian life. The apple does not fall far from the tree and I carried on mother's tradition.
Grand dad Taylor took to his sick bed one day after my brother Tommy Taylor was born and it became his death bed. Decisions DO have consequences for generations.
Peace is Possible!
As you know, I am in the business of providing people with principles of peace, not anxiety. Starting with my master's degree I started to wonder about ways to help people feel better. Well, actually, I started that process much younger. My grandfather died at age 60 from clinical depression and I stayed with him daily for seven years before his gloom finally did him in.
How, you might ask, can a man die from depression? He simply gave up. He quit living and went to bed with worry, anxiety and stinking thinking. Grand dad was so negative, pessimistic and hopeless that he simply wanted to hide from life and people. Everyday I head him groan, moan and say , "Oh son, things are bad."
None of us knew he was depressed. I doubt that the term was ever used in my presence. Everybody said that he had rheumatism and it was so painful that he died. Now I know differently. His negative thinking and hopelessness led to physical death a few years after it had killed him emotionally.
And it affected all the rest of us too. All of us lived abnormal lives. I missed most of my childhood trying to make him feel better. My grandmother missed having a mate for the best part of her life because he gave up. His grandchildren never got to play with him or hear him talk about his youth or share his ideas.
He was a brilliant businessman whose mental negativity was a vampire that kept him from enjoying his money, family or friends. He had the first automobile in our town but worry kept him from driving it. It sat on blocks for years until dry rot took it over. He also worried about that.
Now we know how to help people like grand dad Taylor. There is no need for anyone to suffer from depression and die. Help is available. Healing is possible. The power of God to renew the mind is with us.
Do not give up.
As you know, I am in the business of providing people with principles of peace, not anxiety. Starting with my master's degree I started to wonder about ways to help people feel better. Well, actually, I started that process much younger. My grandfather died at age 60 from clinical depression and I stayed with him daily for seven years before his gloom finally did him in.
How, you might ask, can a man die from depression? He simply gave up. He quit living and went to bed with worry, anxiety and stinking thinking. Grand dad was so negative, pessimistic and hopeless that he simply wanted to hide from life and people. Everyday I head him groan, moan and say , "Oh son, things are bad."
None of us knew he was depressed. I doubt that the term was ever used in my presence. Everybody said that he had rheumatism and it was so painful that he died. Now I know differently. His negative thinking and hopelessness led to physical death a few years after it had killed him emotionally.
And it affected all the rest of us too. All of us lived abnormal lives. I missed most of my childhood trying to make him feel better. My grandmother missed having a mate for the best part of her life because he gave up. His grandchildren never got to play with him or hear him talk about his youth or share his ideas.
He was a brilliant businessman whose mental negativity was a vampire that kept him from enjoying his money, family or friends. He had the first automobile in our town but worry kept him from driving it. It sat on blocks for years until dry rot took it over. He also worried about that.
Now we know how to help people like grand dad Taylor. There is no need for anyone to suffer from depression and die. Help is available. Healing is possible. The power of God to renew the mind is with us.
Do not give up.
Do You Need Courage and Serenity?
The result of shock, trauma abuse and neglect is fear, anxiety, reactivity and anger. All are equal to a lack of peace, a lack of serenity. How do we deal with these awful problems in life? Here is a simple prayer that millions of people have found helpful.
by Rev. Reinhold Niebuhr
God, grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time:
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace:
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it:
Trusting that you will make all things right
If I surrender to your will:
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with you in the next
Distributed by Dr. Gary Sweeten
LifeWay Counseling Centers and LifeWay Ministries Inc
11161 Kenwood Road
Perspectivus Professional Plaza
Blue Ash, Ohio 45242
www.lifewaycenters.com
513-769-4600
The result of shock, trauma abuse and neglect is fear, anxiety, reactivity and anger. All are equal to a lack of peace, a lack of serenity. How do we deal with these awful problems in life? Here is a simple prayer that millions of people have found helpful.
by Rev. Reinhold Niebuhr
God, grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time:
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace:
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it:
Trusting that you will make all things right
If I surrender to your will:
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with you in the next
Distributed by Dr. Gary Sweeten
LifeWay Counseling Centers and LifeWay Ministries Inc
11161 Kenwood Road
Perspectivus Professional Plaza
Blue Ash, Ohio 45242
www.lifewaycenters.com
513-769-4600
Monday, January 31, 2005
React or Respond
For many years I was defensive and reactive to the innocent comments of other people. You know the joke. Two psychiatrists met in the hallway of a psychiatric hospital and one said, "Good morning, doctor. How are you?" and the other thought to himself, "What did he mean by that?"
Once whileworking at the University of Cincinnati, One of my profs introduced me to a colleague and said, "Gary is a country boy trying to act like he is from the city." I was immediately anxious, worried and upset. It was impossible to get that phrase out of my mind. It was a very small thing that got a very big reaction.
Such a reaction indicates an inner sense of stress, anxiety or nervousness. When we have a minor experience but react to it in a major manner we are simply releasing some of the energy, anger or frustration that is inside us. So, instead of saying, "That makes me mad" we need to admit that "I am making myself mad when I see you do such a thing."
Consider the following scale with 0 as perfect peace and 10 as extreme reactivity. Most of us come from families that fell somewhere in between those two extremes. A normally anxious family may be 4 to 6 on the scale but a family suffering from alcoholism, suicide, illness or abandonment will probably be a 7 or 8.
0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Family distresses act like earthquakes and the resulting stress, anxiety, and trauma are tsunami-like in their ability to devastate family members far from the original quake. Imagine what happens when sexual abuse occurs in a family. Gran Dad Jones forces his grandchildren to perform acts of sexual intimacy with him. However, no one admits this for several years. Will the victim's children and grandchildren be effected even if they are unaware of the crime?
Yes! Sexual abuse is a Huge earthquake sending tremors into the entire family system. The abuse victim will keep the secret but act differently toward everyone else in the family. She will not be able to develop a truly intimate connection with siblings, parents or a future husband and children. The tsunami wave does damage across the family for many generations.
Now we can see why some people are very reactive. They simply absorbed the wave of anxiety from silent relatives and carried it about like a water soaked sponge ready to let loose with a stream of water at the first slight.
What can we do? Seek healing from Jesus.
Read Isaiah 61
For many years I was defensive and reactive to the innocent comments of other people. You know the joke. Two psychiatrists met in the hallway of a psychiatric hospital and one said, "Good morning, doctor. How are you?" and the other thought to himself, "What did he mean by that?"
Once whileworking at the University of Cincinnati, One of my profs introduced me to a colleague and said, "Gary is a country boy trying to act like he is from the city." I was immediately anxious, worried and upset. It was impossible to get that phrase out of my mind. It was a very small thing that got a very big reaction.
Such a reaction indicates an inner sense of stress, anxiety or nervousness. When we have a minor experience but react to it in a major manner we are simply releasing some of the energy, anger or frustration that is inside us. So, instead of saying, "That makes me mad" we need to admit that "I am making myself mad when I see you do such a thing."
Consider the following scale with 0 as perfect peace and 10 as extreme reactivity. Most of us come from families that fell somewhere in between those two extremes. A normally anxious family may be 4 to 6 on the scale but a family suffering from alcoholism, suicide, illness or abandonment will probably be a 7 or 8.
0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Family distresses act like earthquakes and the resulting stress, anxiety, and trauma are tsunami-like in their ability to devastate family members far from the original quake. Imagine what happens when sexual abuse occurs in a family. Gran Dad Jones forces his grandchildren to perform acts of sexual intimacy with him. However, no one admits this for several years. Will the victim's children and grandchildren be effected even if they are unaware of the crime?
Yes! Sexual abuse is a Huge earthquake sending tremors into the entire family system. The abuse victim will keep the secret but act differently toward everyone else in the family. She will not be able to develop a truly intimate connection with siblings, parents or a future husband and children. The tsunami wave does damage across the family for many generations.
Now we can see why some people are very reactive. They simply absorbed the wave of anxiety from silent relatives and carried it about like a water soaked sponge ready to let loose with a stream of water at the first slight.
What can we do? Seek healing from Jesus.
Read Isaiah 61
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Why Give Others So Much Power Over Our Lives?
A few weeks ago Dr. Lawrence Summers, President of Harvard, made several statements about why there are the lack of women in the hard sciences. He indicated that some prefer to rear children while others preferred non academic careers. He also indicated that nature or genetics might play some role but he hoped he was wrong.
The comments stirred a firestorm. One woman, Nancy Hopkins, a Ph. D. Who teaches biology at MIT, walked out lest she throw up because his words so upset her. Why, would a brilliant woman give that much power to the words of a man with whom she so strongly disagrees?
She ruminated and reconsidered what Summers said and allowed the words to eat away at her self confidence. She said, He shouldn't admit women to Harvard if he is going to announce when they come that, hey, we don't feel that you can make it to the top.
She is saying she should not have been admitted to Harvard.
Dr. Hopkins is obviously a very smart person. She graduated from Harvard in 1964 and currently teaches at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. MIT is known as a premier university in science, engineering and technology. Despite all these facts, Dr. Hopkins feels threatened; scared and unable to compete.
She is suffering from FEAR:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Every fact ponts to the ability of Dr. Hopkins to compete with men. She competed and won over most males despite the advantages they had in technical subjects in the 50's and 60's yet it is not enough to keep her calm. She is still ruled by False Evidence not FACTS.
Anyone as nervous and unsure of her abilities can be sent into a nervous frenzy with any unkind word. In this case it happened to be Lawrence Summers but it could be almost anyone's utterance that could fan the flames already burning in Dr. Hopkins' mind.
I do not wish to be harsh about this lady or others like her. To the contrary, it is my desire to set them all free from the words and opinions of others. When we know who we are the comments of others will run off us like water off a duck's back. However, when we are unsure of ourselves or our abilities we are racked with anxiety and sadness or even depression.
No person can cause you to be anxious or depressed unless you give them the power to alter your thinking.
To whom do you give the power of life and death?
Today I have set before you death or life. CHOOSE LIFE! JE 31:31
A few weeks ago Dr. Lawrence Summers, President of Harvard, made several statements about why there are the lack of women in the hard sciences. He indicated that some prefer to rear children while others preferred non academic careers. He also indicated that nature or genetics might play some role but he hoped he was wrong.
The comments stirred a firestorm. One woman, Nancy Hopkins, a Ph. D. Who teaches biology at MIT, walked out lest she throw up because his words so upset her. Why, would a brilliant woman give that much power to the words of a man with whom she so strongly disagrees?
She ruminated and reconsidered what Summers said and allowed the words to eat away at her self confidence. She said, He shouldn't admit women to Harvard if he is going to announce when they come that, hey, we don't feel that you can make it to the top.
She is saying she should not have been admitted to Harvard.
Dr. Hopkins is obviously a very smart person. She graduated from Harvard in 1964 and currently teaches at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. MIT is known as a premier university in science, engineering and technology. Despite all these facts, Dr. Hopkins feels threatened; scared and unable to compete.
She is suffering from FEAR:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Every fact ponts to the ability of Dr. Hopkins to compete with men. She competed and won over most males despite the advantages they had in technical subjects in the 50's and 60's yet it is not enough to keep her calm. She is still ruled by False Evidence not FACTS.
Anyone as nervous and unsure of her abilities can be sent into a nervous frenzy with any unkind word. In this case it happened to be Lawrence Summers but it could be almost anyone's utterance that could fan the flames already burning in Dr. Hopkins' mind.
I do not wish to be harsh about this lady or others like her. To the contrary, it is my desire to set them all free from the words and opinions of others. When we know who we are the comments of others will run off us like water off a duck's back. However, when we are unsure of ourselves or our abilities we are racked with anxiety and sadness or even depression.
No person can cause you to be anxious or depressed unless you give them the power to alter your thinking.
To whom do you give the power of life and death?
Today I have set before you death or life. CHOOSE LIFE! JE 31:31
Thin Skin
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me.
There is a desperate need in America to memorize and actualize this old saw. The two most common complaints that bring people to see a counselor are depression and anxiety. These maladies are called "Mood Disorders" and they bedevil millions of people in the USA and around the world.
What causes so many people to feel anxious and or depressed? The most common factor is the way we send think about life events. Much to my concern, modern Americans are deluged with false and harmful information about the things that cause us trouble. So much of the media, the legal profession and the PC Community speak as if words themselves cause us lasting harm.
The recent exposure of Roman Catholic priests who sexually molested young men and women is evidence of terrible sins and crimes. These acts by any person are reprehensible but when done by a clergyman they are almost unspeakable. The men who were responsible should pay the full penalty of the law.
In spite of that fact, when courts and lawyers imply that sexual attacks cause permanent or at long term mental and emotional damage they are wrong. This view is doing more harm than good to the victims and to society in general.
it is not the actual events that cause long term mental and/or emotional damage. What harms us are the ways we think, ruminate and conclude after the events have passed.
When a victim ruminates in a way that deposits anger, fear, self-victimization and personal weakness within his soul the damage can be long term. If, however, the victim thinks about his/her strengths and ability to move on the scars will become stars as one preacher famously says.
One of the best things we can do is help people develop resiliency or the ability to "bounce back" from adversity. Our national symbol needs to be the plastic clown my kids had. They would knock it over but it always bounced back up. We must teach kids and adults to "Take a licking and keep on ticking."
Teaching people how to speak words that edify is admirable and I have written books and papers on that process. However, the world is a fallen, broken painful place and if we expect it to always be gentle, kind and warm we are setting ourselves up for great disappointment.
I cannot change the actions of every person who might verbally attack me but I can prepare myself for adverse actions by renewing my mind. I can be resilient and mentally tough.
Do not be conformed to this sinful world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
RO 12:2
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me.
There is a desperate need in America to memorize and actualize this old saw. The two most common complaints that bring people to see a counselor are depression and anxiety. These maladies are called "Mood Disorders" and they bedevil millions of people in the USA and around the world.
What causes so many people to feel anxious and or depressed? The most common factor is the way we send think about life events. Much to my concern, modern Americans are deluged with false and harmful information about the things that cause us trouble. So much of the media, the legal profession and the PC Community speak as if words themselves cause us lasting harm.
The recent exposure of Roman Catholic priests who sexually molested young men and women is evidence of terrible sins and crimes. These acts by any person are reprehensible but when done by a clergyman they are almost unspeakable. The men who were responsible should pay the full penalty of the law.
In spite of that fact, when courts and lawyers imply that sexual attacks cause permanent or at long term mental and emotional damage they are wrong. This view is doing more harm than good to the victims and to society in general.
it is not the actual events that cause long term mental and/or emotional damage. What harms us are the ways we think, ruminate and conclude after the events have passed.
When a victim ruminates in a way that deposits anger, fear, self-victimization and personal weakness within his soul the damage can be long term. If, however, the victim thinks about his/her strengths and ability to move on the scars will become stars as one preacher famously says.
One of the best things we can do is help people develop resiliency or the ability to "bounce back" from adversity. Our national symbol needs to be the plastic clown my kids had. They would knock it over but it always bounced back up. We must teach kids and adults to "Take a licking and keep on ticking."
Teaching people how to speak words that edify is admirable and I have written books and papers on that process. However, the world is a fallen, broken painful place and if we expect it to always be gentle, kind and warm we are setting ourselves up for great disappointment.
I cannot change the actions of every person who might verbally attack me but I can prepare myself for adverse actions by renewing my mind. I can be resilient and mentally tough.
Do not be conformed to this sinful world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
RO 12:2
Monday, January 24, 2005
Christian Family Systems
I love to teach a class about family systems. I find that much of what is written and taught in America is a shallow, narrow western view of family life that bears little resemblance to the biblical view.
Our view is flat and dull for it focuses on only the martial couple and their kids. Such an approach leaves out much of the richness of the scriptural approach and makes it almost impossible to understand what the Bible teaches about families.
I am often asked to teach a class about marriage from Ephesians 5 and explain what it means for a woman to submit to her husband. I suppose that assignment is not impossible but it is very difficult. T%he framework for marriage is laid in Genesis 1, 2 and 3. One must understand the creation ordinances or Ephesians 5 means little.
I am currently teaching about the biblical family at a local church and we are having a blast. It is so much fun and causing so much insight and discussion I want to do the same for pastors and leaders. Write and let me know what morning would be best for pastoral couples to meet for two hours each week and learn how to better understand your own family as well as the family of God.
A Christian leader cannot understand or appreciate the church family and how to lead without first digging into his own family of origin. It will empower you to change your life and make leadership much easier.
I love to teach a class about family systems. I find that much of what is written and taught in America is a shallow, narrow western view of family life that bears little resemblance to the biblical view.
Our view is flat and dull for it focuses on only the martial couple and their kids. Such an approach leaves out much of the richness of the scriptural approach and makes it almost impossible to understand what the Bible teaches about families.
I am often asked to teach a class about marriage from Ephesians 5 and explain what it means for a woman to submit to her husband. I suppose that assignment is not impossible but it is very difficult. T%he framework for marriage is laid in Genesis 1, 2 and 3. One must understand the creation ordinances or Ephesians 5 means little.
I am currently teaching about the biblical family at a local church and we are having a blast. It is so much fun and causing so much insight and discussion I want to do the same for pastors and leaders. Write and let me know what morning would be best for pastoral couples to meet for two hours each week and learn how to better understand your own family as well as the family of God.
A Christian leader cannot understand or appreciate the church family and how to lead without first digging into his own family of origin. It will empower you to change your life and make leadership much easier.
Defense Mechanisms
When I was in graduate school I was amazed to find out that psychologists and counselors had developed a list of the common ways we humans try to fool ourselves. These self manipulations are called, "Defense Mechanisms" and seem to be there to keep us from facing our own dysfunctions.
Denial: You completely reject the thought or feeling.
"I'm not angry with him!"
Suppression: You are vaguely aware of the thought or feeling, but try to hide it.
"I'm going to try to be nice to him."
Reaction Formation: You turn the feeling into its opposite.
"I think he's really great!"
Projection: You think someone else has your thought or feeling.
"That professor hates me.""That student hates the prof."
Displacement: You redirect your feelings to another target..
"I hate that secretary."
Rationalization: You come up with various explanations to justify the situation (while denying your feelings).
"He's so critical because he's trying to help us do our best."
Intellectualization: A type of rationalization, only more intellectualized.
"This situation reminds me of how Nietzsche said that anger is ontological despair."
It would seem that Christians would be free from such things because we cannot even get into the Kingdom of God without admitting that we are sinners and as such we have no business being in such a holy place. This is the paradox of Christianity. Only the needy can qualify to be holy. Perhaps this is why St Paul grew into admitting that he was, "The worst of all sinners."
The news is full of Christians and others who seem to delight in fooling themselves. Just tonight I heard an abortion doctor attacks Roman Catholic Church for burying the remains of several hundred babies. Here is a man who is busily engaged in killing thousands of innocent babies each year and he seems to have no remorse or guilt. However, his hidden pain and guilt come out by charging that the priest and people are doing harm to the feeling of the mothers who asked him to kill their babies.
I am reminded of Abe Lincoln famous story about a man who killed his parents in cold blood and then asked for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan. It tasks a lot of brass to face a court and say that you are the victim when in fact you are the murderer. But this is what the doctor is doing. He has violated the Hippocratic oath of ethics used for over two thousand years to ban abortions and yet blames those who are lovingly and respectfully giving a decent burial to hundreds of innocents torn from the womb of their mothers.
My daughter in law is expecting a baby soon and we have had the joy of seeing the baby kick her so hard that she jumps in shock. This is a wanted child and we are doing everything we can to give Shelley and the baby the finest medical care. Anyone who could ruthlessly kill that child must live with no conscience or be in such a self delusion that Defense Mechanism fails to adequately describe his malady.
Are these people in denial? Can they not see the child's movements and hear his heartbeat? We heard it beat fast and strong. Is he deaf or just tone deaf?
I think it is called, Projection!
When I was in graduate school I was amazed to find out that psychologists and counselors had developed a list of the common ways we humans try to fool ourselves. These self manipulations are called, "Defense Mechanisms" and seem to be there to keep us from facing our own dysfunctions.
Denial: You completely reject the thought or feeling.
"I'm not angry with him!"
Suppression: You are vaguely aware of the thought or feeling, but try to hide it.
"I'm going to try to be nice to him."
Reaction Formation: You turn the feeling into its opposite.
"I think he's really great!"
Projection: You think someone else has your thought or feeling.
"That professor hates me.""That student hates the prof."
Displacement: You redirect your feelings to another target..
"I hate that secretary."
Rationalization: You come up with various explanations to justify the situation (while denying your feelings).
"He's so critical because he's trying to help us do our best."
Intellectualization: A type of rationalization, only more intellectualized.
"This situation reminds me of how Nietzsche said that anger is ontological despair."
It would seem that Christians would be free from such things because we cannot even get into the Kingdom of God without admitting that we are sinners and as such we have no business being in such a holy place. This is the paradox of Christianity. Only the needy can qualify to be holy. Perhaps this is why St Paul grew into admitting that he was, "The worst of all sinners."
The news is full of Christians and others who seem to delight in fooling themselves. Just tonight I heard an abortion doctor attacks Roman Catholic Church for burying the remains of several hundred babies. Here is a man who is busily engaged in killing thousands of innocent babies each year and he seems to have no remorse or guilt. However, his hidden pain and guilt come out by charging that the priest and people are doing harm to the feeling of the mothers who asked him to kill their babies.
I am reminded of Abe Lincoln famous story about a man who killed his parents in cold blood and then asked for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan. It tasks a lot of brass to face a court and say that you are the victim when in fact you are the murderer. But this is what the doctor is doing. He has violated the Hippocratic oath of ethics used for over two thousand years to ban abortions and yet blames those who are lovingly and respectfully giving a decent burial to hundreds of innocents torn from the womb of their mothers.
My daughter in law is expecting a baby soon and we have had the joy of seeing the baby kick her so hard that she jumps in shock. This is a wanted child and we are doing everything we can to give Shelley and the baby the finest medical care. Anyone who could ruthlessly kill that child must live with no conscience or be in such a self delusion that Defense Mechanism fails to adequately describe his malady.
Are these people in denial? Can they not see the child's movements and hear his heartbeat? We heard it beat fast and strong. Is he deaf or just tone deaf?
I think it is called, Projection!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
How Can We Improve the Church?
Earlier I wrote about the power of a local church and a group of churches. Now I want to say a few words about increasing our effectiveness as an organization.
I would say that the biggest single problem facing us is the confusion about the task of church. This leads to confusion about what leaders are to actually do and that causes confusion about how to train church leaders.
Because I was a school teacher and coach of softball, track and basketball I know a bit about preparing people to play a game. One must first know what game we are playing and it is here that the church is terribly confused. In fact, it seems to me that most seminary, Bible school and workshop leaders assume the church is supposed to be a combination of a pep rally and a study hall. A great deal of focus is placed on what kind of music the assembly is supposed to hear to jazz them up and the kind of costumes the cheer leaders are supposed to wear.
Thousands of articles are written and speeches given about whether we should still use old fashioned pom poms or do we need to simply show streamers on the closed circuit TV monitors. Now we are subjected to a huge debate about how many arenas we can gather in on Sunday to watch the pep rally beamed from one central site to other sites.
After the inspiring pep rally led by beautiful Dallas cheerleaders, a really handsome and slick talking motivational speaker gets up and spends twenty minutes in study hall firing the crowd up to adopt his BHAG (Big Harry Audacious Goal). At the end of the talk the crowd is sent out to implement the BHAG.
As a coach I know this. Those poor slobs will get killed on the court. They have completely confused the pep rally with coaching. Coaches train through detailed drills and repitive practices not "Chalk Talks" and "Cheerleaders" how to play their position and how to play as a team.
A coach must train the players differently for basketball and softball. Some drills like stretching and endurance are the same but all the skill positions are different. One does not need to learn how to "pick and roll" in baseball but it is an essential drill in basketball. I am appalled that small group leaders, elders and care givers are almost never drilled in the simple skills of their roles.
But here is the good news. The fact that the church has survived and still thrives despite terrible leadership and training indicates that it is really a supernatural organization. Only God could keep such a poorly led organization alive. It is alive and it is still touching lives. PTL!
Ps Just imagine how well a church could function if the coaches actually knew what game they were playing and how to prepare their players for that specific game.
Earlier I wrote about the power of a local church and a group of churches. Now I want to say a few words about increasing our effectiveness as an organization.
I would say that the biggest single problem facing us is the confusion about the task of church. This leads to confusion about what leaders are to actually do and that causes confusion about how to train church leaders.
Because I was a school teacher and coach of softball, track and basketball I know a bit about preparing people to play a game. One must first know what game we are playing and it is here that the church is terribly confused. In fact, it seems to me that most seminary, Bible school and workshop leaders assume the church is supposed to be a combination of a pep rally and a study hall. A great deal of focus is placed on what kind of music the assembly is supposed to hear to jazz them up and the kind of costumes the cheer leaders are supposed to wear.
Thousands of articles are written and speeches given about whether we should still use old fashioned pom poms or do we need to simply show streamers on the closed circuit TV monitors. Now we are subjected to a huge debate about how many arenas we can gather in on Sunday to watch the pep rally beamed from one central site to other sites.
After the inspiring pep rally led by beautiful Dallas cheerleaders, a really handsome and slick talking motivational speaker gets up and spends twenty minutes in study hall firing the crowd up to adopt his BHAG (Big Harry Audacious Goal). At the end of the talk the crowd is sent out to implement the BHAG.
As a coach I know this. Those poor slobs will get killed on the court. They have completely confused the pep rally with coaching. Coaches train through detailed drills and repitive practices not "Chalk Talks" and "Cheerleaders" how to play their position and how to play as a team.
A coach must train the players differently for basketball and softball. Some drills like stretching and endurance are the same but all the skill positions are different. One does not need to learn how to "pick and roll" in baseball but it is an essential drill in basketball. I am appalled that small group leaders, elders and care givers are almost never drilled in the simple skills of their roles.
But here is the good news. The fact that the church has survived and still thrives despite terrible leadership and training indicates that it is really a supernatural organization. Only God could keep such a poorly led organization alive. It is alive and it is still touching lives. PTL!
Ps Just imagine how well a church could function if the coaches actually knew what game they were playing and how to prepare their players for that specific game.
The Local Church is Important
Christianity Today had a great article about the depth and breadth of the church in a recent CT blog. http://christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/001/30.50.html
In it, the author said many of the things I have argued for many years. For example, no religion, group, movement, political ideology or business does as much good for people as the churches of Jesus Christ regardless of denomination. While ministering at Ground Zero I saw hundreds of Christian pastors, lay volunteers and chaplains but no groups of atheists, ACLU members or Muslims.
I believe in ecumenical associations. In fact I helped start a couple of them and I still coordinate HOPE for Cincinnati along with some others. However, were it not for the local church there would be no local ministries; no international missions and no finances for any of them to operate.
Only in the church can we teach, inspire and mobilize thousands of people every week to follow Christ and do good works. IBM, Microsoft and ATT only wish they had this kind of access.
The next time you have a friend or colleague lambast Christians for not doing enough to help the poor, care for the needy or acting like hypocrites, you can readily agree. The church admits it is only for sinners so the fact that hypocrites show up is no great surprise. That is like criticizing Alcoholics Anonymous for having a bunch of drunks in their meetings!
We agree that we are sinners. Perfect people need not apply! But it is all those imperfect, stumbling sinners and hypocrites who are "Healing the broken-hearted and setting the captives free."
Yes, the next time you are confronted by a sneering agnostic, agree with him but also ask: "What group in American society is doing more than the hypocrite Christians and their churches? Can you name a single group that gives more or works harder to help people?
If they can name a single group that is doing more I will buy them a Starbucks latte.
The rap by those who love abortions is that we Christians want to produce unwanted babies but refuse to care for them. In point of fact, Christians provide at least 90% of all adoption and problem pregnancy care. Churches provide over 75% of all child care and 90% of all counseling for all people.
Is it enough? Nope! Can we do better? Yep! Are we ashamed and need to stop doing good things? Nope? Will we gladly accept these agnostic complainers into our fellowship and love them anyway? Yep! It is always exciting to welcome a new group of hypocrites into the church.
Christianity Today had a great article about the depth and breadth of the church in a recent CT blog. http://christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/001/30.50.html
In it, the author said many of the things I have argued for many years. For example, no religion, group, movement, political ideology or business does as much good for people as the churches of Jesus Christ regardless of denomination. While ministering at Ground Zero I saw hundreds of Christian pastors, lay volunteers and chaplains but no groups of atheists, ACLU members or Muslims.
I believe in ecumenical associations. In fact I helped start a couple of them and I still coordinate HOPE for Cincinnati along with some others. However, were it not for the local church there would be no local ministries; no international missions and no finances for any of them to operate.
Only in the church can we teach, inspire and mobilize thousands of people every week to follow Christ and do good works. IBM, Microsoft and ATT only wish they had this kind of access.
The next time you have a friend or colleague lambast Christians for not doing enough to help the poor, care for the needy or acting like hypocrites, you can readily agree. The church admits it is only for sinners so the fact that hypocrites show up is no great surprise. That is like criticizing Alcoholics Anonymous for having a bunch of drunks in their meetings!
We agree that we are sinners. Perfect people need not apply! But it is all those imperfect, stumbling sinners and hypocrites who are "Healing the broken-hearted and setting the captives free."
Yes, the next time you are confronted by a sneering agnostic, agree with him but also ask: "What group in American society is doing more than the hypocrite Christians and their churches? Can you name a single group that gives more or works harder to help people?
If they can name a single group that is doing more I will buy them a Starbucks latte.
The rap by those who love abortions is that we Christians want to produce unwanted babies but refuse to care for them. In point of fact, Christians provide at least 90% of all adoption and problem pregnancy care. Churches provide over 75% of all child care and 90% of all counseling for all people.
Is it enough? Nope! Can we do better? Yep! Are we ashamed and need to stop doing good things? Nope? Will we gladly accept these agnostic complainers into our fellowship and love them anyway? Yep! It is always exciting to welcome a new group of hypocrites into the church.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Why Does a Good God Allow Evil?
This is a question that everyone must ask at some time in his/her life. In the aftermath of the WAVE we are all asking it.
I have seen several preachers on TV trying to explain why God allowed 150,000 or so people die in Asia. None of them did a very good job of it. The things they said would have been good grist for a graduate class in philosophy or religion but it sounded shallow, trite and callous on TV. When Larry King asks in that husky voice, "Can you explain why a God of love would killed all those innocent babies?" you know you cannot give an adequate answer in the 60 seconds you have been allotted.
Many of the well-known Christian media hogs tried to answer him but they all failed miserably. It was a time for humility and that is a commodity little seen in the likes of the people who seek the klieg lights and 15 minutes of fame. Trying to communicate to a mostly pagan culture the concept of God's Sovereigny and Original Sin is a hard sell at 9:00 PM Eastern Time. They failed to convince even me with their prattle about everyone in this poor countries deserving death.
I did not hear him speak about this tragedy but Robert Schuller did the best job of fielding a hot grounder to third base a couple of years ago when Pat Boone's Grandson was paralyzed in a fall. Larry lowered his perfectly pitched for TV voice and asked, "Dr. Schuller, why did God allow this to happen to this boy?"
Dr. Schuller, smiled and said boldly, "Anytime a person asks God why he is not looking for an answer but for an argument." Brilliant! Fantastic. An answer worthy of Jesus to the Pharisees because it puts the pressure back on Larry where it belongs. This is an unanswerable question.
I have thought of a great corollary to his answer.
"Larry, we may not understand the immutable nature and will of God perfectly but we do know what He expects of us after a tragedy occurs. We are to love our neighbors and surely the people in Malaysia, India, Sri Lanka, Thailand, etc are out neighbors. God says, 'Roll up your sleeves and go to work! Do what you can for the survivors regardless whether they are Muslim Hindu or Christian. Send money, food and medicine. Heal the broken hearted and set the captives free.'"
Some things are just to high for us to answer. Not because there is NO answer but because in the middle of human pain the answer cannot be heard, or understood or comprehended. But at the right time God will reveal His heart to us and we will finally understand.
This is a question that everyone must ask at some time in his/her life. In the aftermath of the WAVE we are all asking it.
I have seen several preachers on TV trying to explain why God allowed 150,000 or so people die in Asia. None of them did a very good job of it. The things they said would have been good grist for a graduate class in philosophy or religion but it sounded shallow, trite and callous on TV. When Larry King asks in that husky voice, "Can you explain why a God of love would killed all those innocent babies?" you know you cannot give an adequate answer in the 60 seconds you have been allotted.
Many of the well-known Christian media hogs tried to answer him but they all failed miserably. It was a time for humility and that is a commodity little seen in the likes of the people who seek the klieg lights and 15 minutes of fame. Trying to communicate to a mostly pagan culture the concept of God's Sovereigny and Original Sin is a hard sell at 9:00 PM Eastern Time. They failed to convince even me with their prattle about everyone in this poor countries deserving death.
I did not hear him speak about this tragedy but Robert Schuller did the best job of fielding a hot grounder to third base a couple of years ago when Pat Boone's Grandson was paralyzed in a fall. Larry lowered his perfectly pitched for TV voice and asked, "Dr. Schuller, why did God allow this to happen to this boy?"
Dr. Schuller, smiled and said boldly, "Anytime a person asks God why he is not looking for an answer but for an argument." Brilliant! Fantastic. An answer worthy of Jesus to the Pharisees because it puts the pressure back on Larry where it belongs. This is an unanswerable question.
I have thought of a great corollary to his answer.
"Larry, we may not understand the immutable nature and will of God perfectly but we do know what He expects of us after a tragedy occurs. We are to love our neighbors and surely the people in Malaysia, India, Sri Lanka, Thailand, etc are out neighbors. God says, 'Roll up your sleeves and go to work! Do what you can for the survivors regardless whether they are Muslim Hindu or Christian. Send money, food and medicine. Heal the broken hearted and set the captives free.'"
Some things are just to high for us to answer. Not because there is NO answer but because in the middle of human pain the answer cannot be heard, or understood or comprehended. But at the right time God will reveal His heart to us and we will finally understand.
I Am Proud to be a Christian Right Now
The Tidal Wave that hit in the Indian Ocean was one of the mot terrible things to occur in my lifetime. It is impossible to imagine the destructive power of that wall of water.
I just received an e mail from Samuel Stevens, President of India Gospel League, who is organizing an effort to help as many survivors as possible. One of the things that makes his job os hard is the fact that over 20 of his "barefoot pastors" have been killed or are missing along with many of their loved ones.
Many of the Media pundits have been suggesting that we in America should donate to charitable groups to impress the Muslims in Asia and the Middle East. Such a suggestion shows just how crass and ignorant such people are. First, the radical Muslims will not change. They hate America because the unsaved mind is hostile to God. These terrorists kill all who are loving because that is what excites the most terror.
They have kill doctors and nurses and teachers and children to incite terror. To show the Russians how much they hated them the rebels killed some of their own female terrorists and killed small children and teachers on TV. Never trust the media to get such a story right. Their instincts are wrong and their judgments are wrong.
Second, I have donated to a Christian charity involved directly in the recovery effort and will probably donate more. I do it out of compassion and concern not politics. I do it because Jesus told me to. I do it because this is what Christians do all the time. We do it not for fame or glory or to manipulate salvations. If that were the motive it would not be truly loving the people.
I am proud because Christians once again are motivated by the love of Christ.
The media know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
The Tidal Wave that hit in the Indian Ocean was one of the mot terrible things to occur in my lifetime. It is impossible to imagine the destructive power of that wall of water.
I just received an e mail from Samuel Stevens, President of India Gospel League, who is organizing an effort to help as many survivors as possible. One of the things that makes his job os hard is the fact that over 20 of his "barefoot pastors" have been killed or are missing along with many of their loved ones.
Many of the Media pundits have been suggesting that we in America should donate to charitable groups to impress the Muslims in Asia and the Middle East. Such a suggestion shows just how crass and ignorant such people are. First, the radical Muslims will not change. They hate America because the unsaved mind is hostile to God. These terrorists kill all who are loving because that is what excites the most terror.
They have kill doctors and nurses and teachers and children to incite terror. To show the Russians how much they hated them the rebels killed some of their own female terrorists and killed small children and teachers on TV. Never trust the media to get such a story right. Their instincts are wrong and their judgments are wrong.
Second, I have donated to a Christian charity involved directly in the recovery effort and will probably donate more. I do it out of compassion and concern not politics. I do it because Jesus told me to. I do it because this is what Christians do all the time. We do it not for fame or glory or to manipulate salvations. If that were the motive it would not be truly loving the people.
I am proud because Christians once again are motivated by the love of Christ.
The media know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Monday, January 10, 2005
I'm Back
Wow, the Christmas holy days along with family gatherings sure ate into my blog time. Our son Tim and his wife Shelley are getting ready for a new baby due on Valentine's Day so we have been happily busy. There is nothing like grand kids.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Since I have not been on the road quit as much this fall I have been able to work with lots of pastors, elders and their families. This is my first love for a healthy local church is the key to evangelism, world mission and cultural change. And, a healthy, vibrant leadership team is central to a healthy church. And, a healthy marriage and family life are central to a healthy leadership.
A friend asked me recently if I was doing what I had always wanted to do. The answer is yes, but I did not know I always wanted to do this. In fact, I never, ever knew anyone who flew around the world to help build healthy Christian leaders and healthy Christian churches. This caused me to meditate about the ways God prepared me to do what I do.
I was caught by the Holy Spirit at age 20 and brought to my knees in humility. Just after that dramatic experience I heard the clear call of God to go to college. I had not pursued higher education but decided to work and make some money.
I attended a local community college because it was inexpensive and easy to enter. It proved to be a wonderful experience. The guidance counselor, Betty Ann Ward, modeled warm love and respect toward all of her students and made me want to be a counselor.
I taught school for five years and learned a lot about education, teaching and working with people. But most of all, I learned how to equip the students to help each other. For four years I taught all subjects to 30 to 35 kids in the 5th and 6th grades. It was an impossible task. So, I learned how to motivate the smarter kids to help the slow ones. I used small groups, buddy systems and self motivation. The children learned far more from each other and me than they would have learned from me alone.
Finally, I was forced to coach all sports. I had to coach to make enough money to survive. I am glad they made me do it. This is where I learned still morecabout discipleship and equipping the kids to do the work. The coach was not allowed to play so I had to prepare the team in advance to go out and perform. After the game begins it is too late.
These lessons combined in my mind to prepare me for ministry. Unfortunately, the western church has adopted a model that is from the Old Testament not the New. The OT model had the Priest doing all the holy activities. The NT model has all God's people performing. Teaching and coaching children taught me how to do just that.
More later!
Wow, the Christmas holy days along with family gatherings sure ate into my blog time. Our son Tim and his wife Shelley are getting ready for a new baby due on Valentine's Day so we have been happily busy. There is nothing like grand kids.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Since I have not been on the road quit as much this fall I have been able to work with lots of pastors, elders and their families. This is my first love for a healthy local church is the key to evangelism, world mission and cultural change. And, a healthy, vibrant leadership team is central to a healthy church. And, a healthy marriage and family life are central to a healthy leadership.
A friend asked me recently if I was doing what I had always wanted to do. The answer is yes, but I did not know I always wanted to do this. In fact, I never, ever knew anyone who flew around the world to help build healthy Christian leaders and healthy Christian churches. This caused me to meditate about the ways God prepared me to do what I do.
I was caught by the Holy Spirit at age 20 and brought to my knees in humility. Just after that dramatic experience I heard the clear call of God to go to college. I had not pursued higher education but decided to work and make some money.
I attended a local community college because it was inexpensive and easy to enter. It proved to be a wonderful experience. The guidance counselor, Betty Ann Ward, modeled warm love and respect toward all of her students and made me want to be a counselor.
I taught school for five years and learned a lot about education, teaching and working with people. But most of all, I learned how to equip the students to help each other. For four years I taught all subjects to 30 to 35 kids in the 5th and 6th grades. It was an impossible task. So, I learned how to motivate the smarter kids to help the slow ones. I used small groups, buddy systems and self motivation. The children learned far more from each other and me than they would have learned from me alone.
Finally, I was forced to coach all sports. I had to coach to make enough money to survive. I am glad they made me do it. This is where I learned still morecabout discipleship and equipping the kids to do the work. The coach was not allowed to play so I had to prepare the team in advance to go out and perform. After the game begins it is too late.
These lessons combined in my mind to prepare me for ministry. Unfortunately, the western church has adopted a model that is from the Old Testament not the New. The OT model had the Priest doing all the holy activities. The NT model has all God's people performing. Teaching and coaching children taught me how to do just that.
More later!
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